Wednesday, February 28, 2001

All this talk of crushes makes me wish I had news to report. No crushes looming. This might be helped by getting a new job. As it is 97% of all the females I work with are aged 16-18. If you get a crush on a sixteen year-old, you keep it to your damn self. Still, I'm not exactly a wiz with the ladies. Even ones my age. Most of my crushes I keep to myself. For better or for worse. I'm jealous of all of you.

Grandma came through her surgery ok and should be home by the end of the week.

I'm thinking about a Lake Effect redesign, but as it is I have no HTML skills so it might take a while. Before I do anything I'll make some samples and we'll have a vote or something. Whatever it is, it will be simple.

Tonight, after I play about 40 seconds of music on my trumpet in the orchestra concert here at UB my spring break will unofficially begin. And none too soon. It's amazing how you make time for things (usually at the expense of sleep) you want to do. i've been spending lots of quality time with Julia, it's really been wonderful. Things are still pretty new and magical sans poopiness on both our parts. It would have been impossible for either of us I think. We're just so into each other right now, and not so scared or worried about it either.

The most depressing song I've heard of late that comes to mind is Cat Power's version of Lou Reed's I've Found a Reason. I find it heart-wrenching. I think I might have mentioned this before, but The Cardigans' Rise and Shine depresses the hell out of me when I'm already down, but throws me farther when I'm up. Same with Dino Jr.'s Get Me. I used to think the Gorecki Symphony #3 (Symphony of sorrowful songs) was about as low as music could make you feel. That was a few years ago. Now I'm not so sure. I haven't listened to that piece in a little while.

I'm moving next week. Same building just upstairs to the bigger apartment that was recently vacated. It should help out a bit, my roommate and I we're getting a bit cramped. Things are going pretty well, except I'm tired a lot and busier and busier all the time. I think I'm about to go on a creative binge. It seems like there's so much to talk about. Maybe this week I'll catch us up.

i'm SO down for an estrogen love fest. i can't WAIT till i come down there... i'm SOOOOO excited.
does anyone know when Crooked Fingers is playing in austin? should be this week or next? do you know where? you should go.
i wanna buy new clothes before i leave here, but i can't seem to find anything i like. well... that i like and can afford.
the last day of my internship was suposed to be yesterday, but i volunteered to come in another day this week becuase they'er working on a super big project and could most definitely use my help if they so choose. tomorrow is/should be my last day. i was thinking of baking cookies for those boys. sugar. with icing. only... i feel kinda lazy today and don't really feel like baking.

i wanna move to NYC. but i also wanna move to austin. and philly. and SF. and seattle, portland, toronto, vancouver, boston, london, paris, zurich, melbourne.... you get the picture.

Angie Joe - an estrogen love fest over SXSW sounds like a lot of fun.
NYC was amazing - exhausting, exciting, expensive. I saw so much great art and walked all over town. I love that place. It snowed which I NEVER get to see. I used all my film taking pictures of snow falling. New York is my favorite place to visit. My boy is ready to move there. As for me, I was happy to get back to laid-back, warm, familiar Austin.

Last week, I had 5 house guests over the period of a week, then I just got back from the Cajun Mardi Gras. More details tomorrow sometime.

Saddest song that comes to mind at the moment is ""I Can't Make You Love Me" by Bonnie Rait (George Michael also does a good version). I'll have to think of more. Don't laugh, but back in the day, I was always a fan of Cinderella's "Don't Know What You Got (Till It's Gone)." And there are a TON of country songs that are really, really sad, but none are coming to mind at the moment.

Steph: How was NYC?

Steph/Upma: when Upma comes in town, we need to have an estrogen love fest to get over the poopy boy syndrome.

Yes, some men are really poopy, but others are really awesome. More ramblings later on this and other subjects.

Tuesday, February 27, 2001

Zach, I can't wait to get to Greensboro so we can be lonely and wretched together.

*I* find IF I Should Fall Behind depressing, because I'm lonely and wretched. Most of the world would agree with me that its not a sad song. the lyrics aren't sad at all. At the most, they are "weary" or something.

if i should fall behind- is depressing because everyone wants someone who, if i should fall behind, will wait for me and lots of people haven't found that person "we all dream of a love lasting and true, but you and i know what this world can do" it's as much a question as a statment. it's also beautiful enough to get you a little's not a "shit, that guys got it rough" song. but whats with the crappy version on lucky town? the e street version and the unplugged version are achy.

borrowed tune is the saddest song ever.

steph- that is EXACTLY what i'm sayin. where does your boy wanna move to? T-11 days till sxsw!!!! did i already mention that Ron Jeremy is one of the panelists at the conference this year?! hahaha!

thad... i have to agree with your big bro on the Crooked Fingers. that song IS a tear jerker. also... i think you're right... you are most definitely an exception to the "all boys are poopy" rule.

Happy Mardi Gras everyone.
As for sad songs, last valentine's day my good friend made a happy/bitter mix tape but I guess bitter's not the same as sad - come to me when you need bitter song suggestions. Though I will say I think country does sad the best. But it's more of an ironic sad - like, how could I possibly be this sad and still sing about it. (am I making sense - I'm getting over a cold and feel like me head is floating several feet about my body - I also just got back in town from New York and am adjusting to moving at a slower RPM).
And to weigh in on the poopy boy discussion. The thing that bothers me most is the game playing - like you said, upma, you keep getting mixed signals. It's so very nice to meet someone, they like you and then they actually consistantly ACT like they like you. why is that so hard? If you don't like me I can deal, but why keep me guessing. But that's not my love life problem right now. My boyfriend wants to move. I don't want to. And I don't want a long distance relationship. Seems clear cut but it just sucks all around.

If I Should Fall Behind is NOT a sad song. Its a goddamn love song! Across the Border is sad Springsteen. Oh, how about Hor Burrito #1 by the Flying Burrito Brothers. That's a sad song. Or Every Grain of Sand by Bob Dylan. There are lots of sad Dylan songs. If you're looking for newer stuff, Crooked Fingers A Little Bleeding is a weeper.

the winner for saddest song ever has to be Neil Young's Borrowed Tune, in which he sounds like he is literally breaking down at the piano. It contains these lines, "I'm climbing this ladder/my head in the clouds/I'm hoping it matters/I'm having my doubts."

Monday, February 26, 2001

the reason i asked about the sad songs is because a freind of mine has asked me to make the saddest cd of all time. 80 min. of pure heartbreak. i'm talking way down at the bottom. a few choices already are the bbc version of since i've been lovin' you, promises by lyle lovett, and if i should fall behind by mr. springsteen. i'm looking for the kind of stuff that make grown men weep, not cry, weep.

i'd like to think i'm not poopy but i guess you'd have to ask meredith.

thad, i tried to think of a top ten list for sad songs... but i just can't do it. i don't have the time and enegy to put into it. but, if you want some sad songs, listen to the Schindlers List soundtrack. i'm sure they have piano arrangements for all of it at your local music store.

Sad songs...
'Don't Explain' sung by either Billie Holiday or Nina Simone
and for high school nostalgia, 'All I Want is You' U2.
'Hawai'i '78' done live Israel Kamakawiwo'ole

Upma, I'm feeling much better - just a bit congested now, with that bothersome throat rattle that makes parents shield their children from me. Glad to hear the shoot went ok! And un-poopy boys do indeed exist, although I've known far too many men who are un-poopy until you have a romantic attachement, and then there's poo all over the walls. I'm staying with friends who are a happy and loving couple, and it's been extremely reassuring to see that it's still possible for that to happen.

i bought a piano. i'm so very happy. i'm so very tired of work. it all works out though.

i need you guys to tell me the saddest songs ever.

Sunday, February 25, 2001

1. film shoot.
i am t-i-r-e-d. the film shoot has gone OK this weekend. yesterday was much better than today... and i have a lot more left to do than i had hoped. but... it will get done. there is no other option.

2. work/internship
tuesday is my last day at the cool-o graphic design place for internship duty.... i have inquired within about an actual job though... maybe i’ll find out more about that prospect tomorrow. i would be so ecstatic if he hired me one part time for almost no money... which still would be more than i’m living off of now.

3. poopiness
the crush is a poopy poopy boy. question. do un-poopy boys exist too? i am not sure that i’ve ever met one. ALL BOYS ARE POOPY. (maybe not the ones in present company). anyway... i’ve decided that i still have the huge crush, but i’m gonna *try* to not pursue it anymore. i’m tired. i can’t read him, and i feel like i’m getting mixed signals all over the place... i just don’t know what the haps is. so, if he wants me, he’s gonna have to be a man about it. in the meantime, my friend wants me to meet another guy... i’ll call him “mystery man.” i have no idea who this guy is. but my friend thinks her co-worker (who doesn’t know me from adam) is right in assuming that the two of us would get along. apparently the guy likes the olive-toned girls. i won’t believe it till it happens. POOPY. oh... so in order for me to meet this guy, i have to go to hip.hop night at a local bar, that i’ve never been to, cuz i’m scared of it. it’s called The Blind Tiger. matt pinfield used to hang out there when he came to hang out in greensboro. if i was around in those days, i’d be at this joint every night waiting for matt pinfield. i bet he’s poopy too, cuz the only reason he hung out in greensboro is cuz his girlfriend lived nearby. no more girlfriend, no more matt hangin our in the ‘boro. he used to go into borders all the time too... um.... i’m a little hesitant about this whole matchmaker thing... i don’t like it when people try to set me up. and in this case... it’s people i don’t even really know. i wish the poopy crush would get a clue.

4. friends
i love my friends sooooooo much. i know i take a lot of them for granted a lot of the time, and i feel very ashamed about that. the special people whom i choose to call “friend” are the bestest people in the world. i’m sorry to get all sentimental and cheese-ball on you guys, but, i guess between the shoot, zach’s post, and hangin out with a couple of the peeps tonight, i’m just feeling kinda lucky. i love you guys.

speaking of which... JT! have i sung your praises this week yet? no.... cuz the week’s just gettin started. JT! you are too cool. thanks for the mail.
ZACH! i’m gonna come over tomorrow and return your hoodie and show you this piece of priceless paper.
JT! was the site

LOUISE- are you feeling better?

Saturday, February 24, 2001

My last substantial post was two weeks ago. I'm sorry guys. Stuff happens and I want to write and then I think that it will take too long to tell and even then I won't get it right, blah blah blah. I started to feel really bad about this habit tonight at work. I got a call from my mom and she told me about my grandmother being in the hospital (chest pains, awaiting a catherization and further test results). My grandmother's illness, and the illness of my uncle before that, were the fuel for my most indepth writings to the fan club list (shelly, louise, jt, johnny) and that urge is still there. I can't seem to make myself write about my horrible job and how I truly hate every moment I am there. I can't write about my friends and housemates. I probably wouldn't have mentioned good stuff like how much fun I had on Upma's film shoot today. (I played Gary the bartender and had five lines. It was fun.) Crisises of family make me want to write. But, I'll spare you tonight (and myself) and write more on monday when I know a little more about how things are. And I'll try to write about that other stuff too. I shouldn't take this forum for granted, but I do.

Friday, February 23, 2001

Upma, I blame the modern media for my feeling that a man who finds me and sweeps me off my feet is probably a serial killer. I must say, I have had the thought that arranged marriage might not be such a bad idea. Judging by my scorecard, I'd be better off letting someone else do the picking.

I have managed to emerge from a blue spell with a cold. Maybe I just transmogrified all my self-pity into a big ball of snot behind my eyes!

Thursday, February 22, 2001

I'm drawing a blank, JT. Do you remember the context?

Zach, what was that little website you told us about a while ago. It was billed as simple music for common people or something along those lines. I was looking at this site: and it reminded me of this other site that I can't think of anymore, Help Me J,. Zachary Mull, You're my only hope.

i'm shooting this weekend... so i'm a little frazzled/stressed/busy. i'm beginning to reconsider the boy situation... maybe he DOESN'T like me. i mean.. i feel like i'm doing all the work here... it's not fair. but then again... maybe i'm not being patient enough. ugh. why can't prince charming just come find me and sweep me off my feet?
steph.. i still need to write to you, i know. i wanted to check out the website first.... which i haven't really gotten to do. i wanted to ask you though, if you knew about any of the in-stores that are happening that week? do they promote those pretty well?

oh yeah... there's snow on the ground.

Where is everyone?

This week has been the week of concerts for me. The best part is that I didn't pay for any of them. Some were more shameless than others:
Mon. - Lyle Lovett and Robert Earl Keen
Tues. - Rodney Crowel
Wed. - 98 Degrees (I told you it was shameless)
Fri. - Gladys Knight and Patti Labelle

Also, got the "O Brother, Where Art Thou" soundtrack for my b-day. It really is good. And I saw the movie on Fri. night with friends. We all gave it a thumbs up.

This weekend, headed to Mamou for the Cajun Mardi Gras. It will be my first, so I'm really psyched.

Monday, February 19, 2001

i've been at work almost all the time since thursday. i have tommorrow off, i won't even get out of bed.
anyway since i'm addicted to music and lists, and to get my mind of work, my top ten driving-with-the-windows-down summertime albums
promise ring-very emergency
buffalo tom-sleepy eyed
lemonheads-come on feel and lovey.......shame is a winter time album. i can't explain it.
superchunk-on the mouth and here's where the strings come in
braid-frame and canvas
matthew sweet-all of them
acdc-highway to hell
neil young-ragged glory

i thought the beach boys were too obvious

Friday, February 16, 2001

JT, I'm so glad your crush has evolved! If anyone deserved a good Valentine's Day, it was you.

My VD consisted of having a bum I know sing me a Beatles song ("I Will") at the bus stop. It was sweet - he was mostly on key and not *too* drunk.

hmm. oops. i just realized that i'm working today on the crushes computer... (at work.. he's in SF for 5 days) and i typed this address in on his browser... which means that he could totally come here and discover that i've been talking about him. great.

i'll be in austin from march 10-17. i'll be staying at the La Quinta Oltorf... i'm coming with two of my classmates... Jesse and Nisha. i'd say we are a weird trio. i mean, i really like them a lot an all... but the only thing we all have in common is our filmmaking. those two may have more in common with each other than with me. so, a trip with these guys is gonna be interesting.

um.... well, AJ and Steph.. i'll e.mail you later. i gotta get off this computer. i'm totally paranoid now.

Angie Joe - you should totally come to Austin during SXSW, I would love to see you!

Upma - no fear about dinner. I can help you come up with easy cooking alternatives. I'll try to send you an e-mail by the end of the day. When are you coming to Austin????? Maybe I can come up to visit . . . .

My friend Denise wants to call my new crush "Vol" because I met him volunteering at the station, but after careful consideration, I am going to call him "Granola" or "Nola" for short. He's from the Pacific Northwest, and I just think it is fitting (a good thing).

Yeah - crushes everywhere!
Upma - we should get together when you're here for SXSW. The Austin Chronicle printed a lot of the movies and shows yesterday, and I've already found about a million I want to go to.

Thursday, February 15, 2001

well. in case you hadn’t noticed... i’ve been in a bit of a funk this week. i don’t know what it is... i’ve been TOTALLY stressed out. my thesis project has me freaking out... my dog-sitting ventures are... well, stressing me out more. i love him to death.... he’s still my most favoritest... but boy is he a handful and a half. i guess there’s a reason i don’t have a pet of my own... and this was a good reality check. needless to say, i’m taking off work on tuesday, and taking him home, where he belongs.

i think i’m out of the funk now. and i don’t feel AS stressed. i got my thesis proposal approved (finally!) it’s weird... it doesn’t seem like a THESIS. i mean... the thing has to be done by April 15th. which gives me exactly 2 more months to do this. who does a thesis project in TWO MONTHS? well... i think i can do it.

i started going to an assertiveness training group last week. my counselor kinda suggested it... and she’s the one leading the group, so i decided it might be ok. and it actually, wasn’t so bad. i think it’s gonna be a good thing. i’ll have to miss one of the days though, cuz i’ll be in austin. i TOTALLY can’t wait till austin.

so. guess what!? i hung out with the crush last night. it was pretty cool, cuz neither one of us mentioned the fact that it was valentines day... and it wasn’t like a date thing anyway... we just went to get coffee. i LOVE talking to him... he’s so much fun to have a conversation with. um... so anyway... after coffee i asked him if i could cook dinner for him sometime next week. he said... “well, how could say no to that? yeah!” do you think he gets it? there was a slight awkward moment afterward...
i will only disclose his name after he becomes more than “the crush.”

well... so what am i gonna cook?? he likes the spicy food. and i can’t forget about dessert... HELP!!

my weekend is going to consist of three things.
1. working on the film project
2. making a web site for the radio station
3. keeping the dog company. he is the SWEETEST boy on earth

oh... and i’m gonna try to catch crouching tiger too. i’m looking forward to another lonesome loser friday night. but this time, i have the dog.

JT. the optical mouse is one of my favoritest parts! do you have the moniter with the clear base? my mom said that my moniter is naked and it needs a bikini. she kinda has a point. the video isn't up to par in my opinion... but, i need to move on to bigger and better things. thanks for the nice words. so... did Tony Conrad have a film too? i'm sending you an e.mail right now!!

hey ZACH- i was on the same program as TONY CONRAD!!!

steph- i’ve noticed that the blogger works better on Microsoft Explorer (but i only noticed it on one computer... and not at home. but, it has options up top for Italics and Bold and i think Links too. i know you can do all that stuff using HTML too.

AJ- please do e.mail me!

The last week and a half have been something very different for me. hanging out with my crush who I really can't call a crush anymore. we've sort of moved past that point. There's not much else to report besides that other than the usual business. And the fact that I'm typing this from my lovely new G4 with the pro keyboard that is so much better than the last generation of keyboards. The optical mouse is also exquisite.

I went to the squeaky wheel love and sex show last night. Saw Upma's video which was really nice, It fit well within the show. I picked up a program for you Upma, I can send it to you if you give me your address. You were on the same program with Tony Conrad, that's pretty cool. I didn't manage to get anything ready for the show and fealt lousy about it as I was watching everyone elses work. I did attend the show in my tuxedo though, to somehow make up for my slack lovesick ass. I've had a tux forever because it's required for playing in orchestra and band concerts. I haven't worn it in a while and I thought this was as good as an occasion as any. It was fun. A happ belated valentine's to all of you. I would tell you all so much more but I just can't, I'll be overwhelmed all over again. She too finally has a name (as opposed to "my crush"): Julia.

Upma - I sent you the potato soup recipe. I'll try e-mailing it to you in a few days. Cool?

Have been so swamped with work. Life is crazy. Have visitors coming in town this weekend, and my apartment is a madhouse. Although I am off of work on Mon., I am going to Project Row Houses to help them come up with a PR campaign for the El Dorado event. I'm really excited about that project.

The boy has a new name - Nick the Dick (or ND for short). Nuff said. My dating scene is usually non-existent, but lately it seems that something has been in the water - waiting for a large, heavy object like a meteor to fall from the sky and onto my head. Been talking to this new, cool guy a few weeks, and we went out twice this week. His degree is in English but he is a computer programmer and does tons of multi-media stuff. How awesome is that? The other night we talked about religion (he's a Methodist, but he studied at a Zen temple on and off for a year and a half), touched on relationships and of course music (he listens to Coltrane, Wilco, Beatles, Van the Man, Lucinda, many more). Anyways, I don't want to go on too much, because I might jinx it.

And yes, V-day always manages to suck ass.

Talked to Shelly a few nights, and she misses y'all. She leaves for Louisiana on Sun. and gets back the beginning of March.

Wednesday, February 14, 2001

I just went to blogger to try and find the answer to this question but didn't see it. So, here it is: how do I put in pictures, links, change text, etc. in the blog? Is it just like html? Or what? thanks.
ps. happy valentine's day. I'm wearing the hot pink wig and a hot pink coat. it's making the day smoother. and I look like I work in a beauty salon.

guess what. i am not a fan of this day AT ALL. and most of it doesn't even have to do with the fact that it's that dumb love holiday.
calgon, take me away.

Tuesday, February 13, 2001

I have got to remember that when I write letters whilst in an emotional quagmire, the best thing to do is to burn them immediately afterwards. The worst thing to do is to actually send them. I did the next worst; I handed it to the recipient. I believe the tone of the letter is a trifle unhinged; looks like there's one more person I'll never hear from again.

My brain is atrophying. I've only processed invoices today (going on six hours now) and I am bored out of my gourd. Usually I like my job, but on days like today, I long for the creative, the intellectual, the anything but what I'm doing. I loathe paperwork. And papercuts. At least tonight I'm going to another one of those seminars, tonight's topic "Is there Love after Sex?" And then I'll watch the valentine's day Buffy. I can't wait for the second half of my day. bitch, moan, bitch, moan.

Monday, February 12, 2001

Upma, my Friday was fabulous because I was asleep by 9 pm. I skipped out on a farewell party that promised to be fabulous and scenester and I just couldn't bear the idea of even just showing face.

I watched 'Paris, Texas' for the first time - wow. I don't know if I'd watch it again, but wow. Any recommendations for films on video? Now that I have a staff ID for the university, I can borrow videos again. Watched 'The Spanish Prisoner' too. I like Mamet's work; I think I'd like his work more if I could see a live theater performance. Ah, the perils of being on a rock in the ocean...

oy, this weather!
i feel like i'm talkin to myself here. maybe it's better that way.
anyway... we got a minor ice storm... i wouldn't really categorize it as a "storm" nothing to major... except ice in NC. but... it's damn COLD. and normally i wouldn't mind so much... but it was 60 degrees two days ago. and is supposed to be again the day after tomorrow.

someone (i'm terribly sorry, but i forget who) gave me an awesome potato soup recipe on the BLOG before christmas. well... i was gonna make it today... but when i went to look up the recipe from the archives, it's gone. the archives only have from christmas. i feel lazy. anyway... so whoever was so kind to pass that recipe along the first time... maybe you wouldn't mind doing so again? i'll keep it this time.

i brought the family dog back to greensboro to live with me for a couple weeks. i think he's getting used to the place now... he's much more calm today than he was yesterday. i just hope he stops crying/yelping when i leave the place. what a big baby.

i hope that i get everything i'm supposed to get done for this week, DONE for my current film project. if i don't... i will probably have to work on it over the summer. and i don't think i can live if i have to be associated with UNCG a day after May 1, 2001.

Friday, February 09, 2001

ok. so... i am still not a fan of the whole evening. BUT... i did watch the Theremin documentary. JT and Ileana, i saw your main man Moog. he looks like a fun guy. the history of the theremin and of Leon Theremin, inventor and maker of the Victor Theremin(s).... is really quite interesting. they did a pretty good job with the doc. i think they stretched some of it out a bit to make it a full 90 minutes though. but still.... it's ok. more theremin music to listen to. how beautiful it is too. so, they had all these old folks on there... who are/were (?) Theremins contemporaries... (i am guessing he's still alive... he was in 1995 when the doc was done. i believe he was 94 years old then. geez. what a long life. anyway... so, these people played the theremin with such... well, a passion. and... (words are totally escaping me right now).... well, they titled this one woman as "theremin virtuoso." i think (zach. shut up now) i think that this woman... (SHOOT i forgot her name!) was his soul mate. i think she was his first girlfriend. he later married a black ballerina... which of course in the 1930's was a big "no, no."
(this guy was just so ahead of his time). they said he had the bluest eyes... like clear blue. and you could see right through them. he got kidnapped in his New York home by the KGB in 1930 or 40-something so that he could go help Russia build some electrical devices to help them through the WWII and the cold war.
i won't bore you with more.

then after that, i went to see zach at the movie theater. i got to see Finding Forrester. it was entertaining anyway. and lots of free writing tips. or... reminders.

i hope you guys had a more fruitful and happy friday night than i did.

i don't like this evening so far. i feel like a lonesome loser.

Sleeping too little and in various locales has led to incredibly full-sensory color dreaming. I wish I could remember them better. Except the one about a lost love that left me depressed all day; that one I could stand to forget.

hi! sneaked some computer access at a job. condo is painted many colors. most boxes are not unpacked. filthy old men lived there. i cleaned the tub tile by tile with a razor blade after sprays were to no avail. the soapscum was so thick that when i was done the bathtub looked as if it had snowed. it did actually snow here. a little. i went to a japanese restaurant (all you can eat) called The Eating Factory. it was all neon and pastels with korean popstar videos and plastic palm trees . i have begun to befriend an eighty something year old painter who is sort of locally famous in the northwest school of the 1930s. he invited me to his wife's (his eighth wife's) fifty-th birthday party. i went to dinner with a stranger yesterday. i am going to see pantera and morbid angel and some other band tonight. i miss you all terribly and will make severly out of date replies to the many provoking things you've said the past week or two. except the record rankings. i'd have to sweat blood over that and i have a shitty music collection anyway. i leave for louisiana in a week for two. internet access will be sporadic then as well. email me your real addresses and i'll send postcards or perhaps pictures of mardi gras mahem. i want to really get into the lake effect webpage when i return.

love on the wire.-shell

Stephanie Friedman - you are so cute! Love it ;)

I, too, give nick names to my crushes. For the longest time, Nick was the simply "the boy," and I didn't give him a name until about two months later. The only reason why he was blessed with a name is because he met my friends, and it would have been really bad if they went to say something, "So, BOY, what do you think of global warming?" Keep in mind that this "boy" is 34 ;)

Speaking of Nick, we went to see Traffic on Tues. night. Although we missed the first 10 or 15 minutes (ironically because of traffic), it was good. Parts were weak, but overall, a thumbs up. As far as the crush update, I think we both walked away feeling pretty good about things on Tues., but things are still S---L---O---W. I like him a lot, but I am not pushing things, because I'm not about being all clingy. Always always drama.

Work has been sucking ass. But today is Friday, and I am going to listen to the sweet sounds of I.J. Gousey tonight. Ah . . . .

Oh yes. The UN lecture on East Timor was night. Very, very interesting. Sorry to go on, but this is a really cool story. Two weeks ago I was answering phones at KPFT, and I got this pledge from this woman Claire. When we take donations, we always ask what their fav shows are. So she starts listing these music shows, and then she mentiones the BBC, particularly their features on E. Timor. So I start to tell her about the UN lecture, and as it turns out she has been knowing the guest speaker since he was 2 years old. She tells me that she will look for me at the lecture. Well I walk in last night, and within 3 minutes, she comes up to me, introduces me to the speaker's mom and then introduces me to the speaker. Isn't that crazy?

Thursday, February 08, 2001

JT-There's an not especially flattering piece on Tony Conrad in this week's Village Voice.

Also, their are MP3 samples of the new Depeche Mode album at Unfortunately, album only sounds so-so. I'm pretty disappointed.

Angie Joe - you were in my dream last night - I was at some costume party/scavenger hunt at a bar here and you came all the way from Houston to give me a ride home. Interpretation? who knows, I guess my subconscious feels like it can count on you.

I am so vicariously excited for all the crushin' people out there. I find it's hard to feel like an adult when you have a crush. At the beginning of all my crushes, I can't hardly eat or sleep and must give a variety of nicknames to my crush, just to make it more fun to talk about them. (see what I mean about not acting like an adult).

I went to the gym last night and the only things on the magazine rack were Forbes and Spin. Now I used to like Spin but after five minutes, I put it back.

This weekend my little sister is coming to town, yeah! I'm sure that means lots of going out to eat and shopping (the only things my family seems to agree on to do together).

Wednesday, February 07, 2001

louise- sorry i never got back to you on your question. i probably won’t. nothing personal. i’m lazy. and tired.

i saw crooked fingers on monday night. ahhhhh, eric. AND sharkquest opened for him... the chapel hill cellist is a part of that crew.

Thad, i’m really sorry about your cat. that’s just terrible!

JT, a grad student biting off more than he/she can chew? unheard of. (that was sarcasm). send me some of your crush vibes, ok? i’m sending the video tape via priority mail tomorrow. (i think i’m totally afloat now too... keep reading)...

so. i’m smitten. absolutely smitten. nothing has happened yet. i think he does like me too. but i think he’s even more shy than me in this situation. it’s a little frustrating. but, i’m optimistic. i’m so smitten. (that’s my favorite new word...)

i get to get my dog from my parents house this weekend. i get to babysit him for three weeks. i’m totally excited. he’s my favoritest.

are any of you green.thumbs? i have gnats on my new plant. i want them to die. die gnats, die.

Tuesday, February 06, 2001

My job with the Globalization Research Center just started. My first project will be a video production...I haven't shot video for years...will be fun! It's only five minutes, shooting will take max 2 days. Now I just have to scout the locations and get a camera, somehow.

All of this would be more fun if my mother hadn't gone off the deep end three weeks ago. I think she's on her way back; my father certainly hopes so. She's been threatening to leave him. And I'm an unsupportive ingrate, according to her. Dad says its menopause. I'm thinking about sneaking stuff into her food; I think the lack of eating and sleeping is just not helping. Ah, the powers of mother, the fearsome crone. Well, back to washing the dishes, doing the laundry, and cooking for her while she explores the new territory...

Forgot to mention the most important thing of yesterday. Found out that Van the Man Morrison will be at Jazz Fest in New Orleans April 29th. I am there! From what I know, VM doesn't like to tour all that much, and most of his tour dates are in London/Belfast.

Film peeps: apparently there was a Jan. 24th NPR feature on indie film makers and the Internet. You have to have some kind of streaming/audio capabilities (which I do not) to hear the story. Although I haven't heard it, it seemed really interesting. It's the second story listed on this web site:

Angie's Top 10 albums of all time (at this moment):
Aretha Franklin - Very Best of (1960's)
Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong - Best of
Lucinda Williams - Car Wheels on a Gravel Road
Van Morrison - Moondance/Astral Wheels
Indigo Girls - Swamp Ophelia/1200 Curfews
Stevie Wonder - Songbook Review
Beastie Boys - Liscenced to Ill (I don't listen to it often but it's a classic)
Susan Tedeschi - Just Won't Burn
Ray Charles - Love Songs
Bob Marley - Legend

Monday, February 05, 2001

Thad, sorry to hear about your cat. I bawled like a baby when my cat died.

I don't watch "Survivor". Although I'm now staying in houses with TV's and my sister watches "Survivor", I just can't. I saw maybe three minutes of an episode and decided I preferred reading 'Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister.' I also saw about five minutes of "The Mole" (?) and decided to pass on that one as well.

Zach, that birthday party sounded like hell. That horrible woman should die old, alone, and be eaten by her cats. I just hope I won't share the same fate.

I envy everyones album lists. I haven't even bought ten albums in the space of the last 12 months. This is what I have purchased and been happy listening to:

Janis Joplin, Pearl
Belle & Sebastian, If You're Feeling Sinister
Amazone, (dangit, forgot which early one)

More busy-ness, I think I might have bit off more than I can chew this semester. But I'm having fun. My G4 came on Thursday, I couldn't set it up until Friday because I had to go buy an adapter for my old monitor. I spent most of Friday installing cracked software I got from friends and setting it up. I haven't really gotten to "work" on it yet. It's great, although it was upstaged this weekend by my crush. We sort of moved past the idle crush stage last night. If I was almost floating before I'm trying real hard to stay off the ceiling now. I'm not sure there's much else to say. I couldn't possibly begin to think about anything else like my top ten albums of all time although I know that My Bloody Valentine's Loveless and Sonic Youth's Day Dream Nation would be on there. And I would count Saint Etienne's entire ouvre as one album otherwise they would take up 5 or 6 slots. How am I supposed to get anything done today....this week?

Sunday, February 04, 2001

these may be my favorite albums. off the top of my head. not, however, in order.
radiohead-the bends
neil young-all of the seventies albums
weezer-both albums
johnny cash-american recordings
lemonheads-comeon feel and shame about ray
elvis costello-my aim is true and all this useless beauty
allman bros.-the fillmore concerts
acdc-highway to hell
guns'n'roses-appitite for desruction
tom waits-franks wild years
these in addtion to zach's list. plus about twenty others are my favorite top ten albums of all time.

I'm glad you guys enjoyed the magazine. I don't know how to define my role in its production. John does all the layout and most of the business stuff. Friends do the writing and interviews. Everybody contributes to music, zine and book reviews. Basically, what I do is make sure the zine correct. I proof every page, usually twice. Occasionally, I have to rewrite someone's stuff a little. I also do some of the editoral stuff that John doesn't really get into. I try to help people flesh out their ideas. For example, Dave's Muhammad Ali piece needed to be tweeked a little before it could be published. Not because Dave is a bad writer or a dumb guy---in fact, Dave is a very good writer and a hell of smart guy---he just needed an outside voice to help him focus the whole thing. I don't write much, but I feel I am a good writer. I hope this doesn't make me sound like an arrogant ass, but I know that I have the best natural feel for good writing of the people for regularily contribute to Slave. Except, maybe for Charles Currier, who writes a piece for every issue. John's talents are more visual and organizational. My problem (with writing stuff) is that I'm really, really lazy. I cannot stress how truly lazy I am.

Thom Yorke once described Radiohead this way: "We're like the UN and I'm the United States." John is definitely the US is Slave's UN. I'm more like Britain. I'm the country that pretends to be important but really isn't.


I have no idea what my top ten albums of all time might be. That sounds so much harder that best of 2000 or whatever. Jesus. How could I choose just ten? But, I'm willing to try. Here's the top ten as of 02.04.01 9:03 pm, without stopping to comb through my records.

1. Neil Young-Tonight's the Night
2. Rolling Stones-Sticky Fingers (and Some Girls, Black and Blue and Exile on Main Street)
3. The Who-Who's Next
4. The Band-The Band (also Big Pink and Stage Fright)
5. Superchunk-Foolish (and Here's Where the Strings Come In and On the Mouth)
6. Lemonheads-It's a Shame About Ray
7. Beach Boys-Pet Sounds (maybe Sunflower, too. I need more time to be sure.)
8. Depeche Mode-Violator (and ULTRA)
9. Faith No More-Angel Dust
10. Bruce Springsteen-Born to Run (and everything else, except the '92 records)
11. Afghan Whigs (and Black Love)

Wow. That list kind of surprises me. Springsteen, Afghan Whig and the Band are the only three of those I've come upon in the last five years. And there's a total absence of punk and hip-hop. Maybe those are too new to me. Interesting.


I'm sorry about your cat, Thaddy. I know you liked him more than you let on. And though he may have tried to kill me on many occasions, I'm sad to hear he's gone.


Had a rough afternoon at work. This horrible English woman booked a birthday party at the theater. She was a handful. She looked about 30-35, former beauty queen, one spoiled rotten kid, too much time, too much money. She had these astonishing diesel-powered fake boobs. I swear they looked like they were ready to launch. So, she arrives an hour early. She asks why there are no "balloons and festive plates and napkins." Wahid tells her that there are plates (black) and napkins (white) and we have no balloons. She begins to cry. It went downhill from there. Eventually, she screamed so much that I went to Party City and bought some damn festival balloons, plates and cups. They blew up the balloons but never touched the plates or the cups.

In the end, they trashed the party room and the theater they watched their movie in, made us order them an extra pizza at our expense, took too much of our time away from the 4000 other customers who came today and then refused the pay full price because we had no balloons or festive plates when they got there! Wahid, demonstrating why he gets paid more than me, remain perfectly calm and polite the whole time. Amazing! We figure it out later and found that the birthday party ending up costing the theatre about $20.

i have no idea how old my cat was. less than a year. i really didn't think i'd be very sad over a cat i didn't want very much, i will miss it though. i don't want to tell my girlfriend about delaware. she liked him alot.

Zach - thanks for the magazines. I look forward to going through them.

Since last weekend was planned to the max, I took the opposite approach this weekend. Which means I haven't been doing nearly as much. I did go see Palaxy Tracks on Friday night and then went out for drinks with Mason and his co-worker Ryan. Yesterday I worked and ran errands. Today I'm at work again and about to run even more errands. Okay, I take back what I said earlier, I think I prefer the weekends where I plan more social events because if I don't, I just end up doing things I need to do, not stuff I want to do.

Mike - I totally agree with your Survivor comments. Did I tell you that this guy Gavin I used to work with in college is an associate producer for the show? He also worked on the first Survivor. Now he lives in L.A. My friend Alison said she's been trying to get him to spill on who wins and even though he now has malaria, he still won't tell. Not that I really want to know anyway. I hate spoilers.

Man, all of you guys are showing me up with your music lists. I must admit that my list isn't so mature that I can list my top albums of the year. I mean, I have a top five/ten of all time, but nothing broken down by the year.

Thad, not good. Is your cat ok? You never said.

Zach - thanks so much for the mags. I was really looking for articles written by you, but I think you mentioned that you don't write often. Do you do more layout, design and editing? What a hell of a project. Congrats on an awesome job!

Upma, sure you can call me AJ. I sign e-mails with my initials b/c it's short and easy. RE: the UN - last Fri. was my very first meeting, so I have only seen Kofi on TV and in mags/newspapers. Although the pres. of our little group said that he is really cool, and he is super supportive of the auxillary groups (which is what we are) and their grassroots efforts. Some of the people are a lot more activist than I, but it's all good.

Another exciting volunteering project that I am involved with (yes, I have about 5 going on at the moment because I always need to be doing shit since I am so neurotic) is with this group that does neighborhood revitalization. They are re-opening this place called the El Dorado which used to the premiere black night club in Houston during the 50's and 60's. People like Ray Charles, Arnette Cobb, Muhammed Ali, Billie Holiday were frequent visitors. Anyways they are reopening the club as kind of a community center/place of learning. The event is April, and I have a feeling that I will be doing PR for it. I meet with the guy tomorrow night.

Fuck, I hate that Monday is less than 24 hours away.

Oh, to end on a good note. For my b-day I scored two tickets to the Gladys Knight and Patti LaBelle concert. I am soooooooooo psyched.

i am running on four hours sleep after working a twelve hour day. i woke up this moring to the sounds of the neighbor's dogs eating my cat. i have to go to a three hour meeting at work and then work for six more hours. i hate those bastards( dogs and coworkers). i haven't been in this bad of a mood in long time. someone will get hurt.

Friday, February 02, 2001

i don't i can tell you how much i liked o, brother where art thou? it was one those movies that half way in to it you realise this could possibly be one your favorite movies. it doesn't happen offen, to me anyway. it happened three times last year. fight club, american beauty, and saving private ryan are amazing to me. i will love them for a long time. i really enjoyed the matrix in the theater, but i had to buy it on dvd to love it as i do now.

since everybody else gets honorable mentions, jets to brazil is really good
jupiter is really good but it's gets very boring
elliot smith- figure 8
sleater kinny-all hands
it's probably not cool anymore but i still have a soft spot for the promise ring, i live in hickory i don't have to be cool.
i also feel my list was not taken at it's fullest because of the inclusion of hootie and the blowfish. i will not apologise. i love hootie.

dude i feel behind.

do souls mature by the age of 3?
i don’t want to brush this question off... but i have a somewhat complicated answer to this. i don’t think i have enough energy at the moment to address it. louise, when i take a break from script writing sometime this weekend, i’ll e.mail you directly about this.

AJ- (do you mind if i call you “AJ?” i had an acquaintance in college named AJ.) so... one of my professors at Virginia Tech thought that i would end up working for the UN someday. while i would never rule that out as a possibility and probably never turn down an offer to work for said organization, somehow i’m doubtful that it’ll ever fall into my life’s path. i guess we’ll see. i wanted to ask you... have you ever been, or will you ever be in the same room as Kofi Annan? i don’t know too much about the man. i think i admire him. but, that’s my very ignorant opinion.

JT- d’jya get the G4 yet?

my top ten albums of 2K: (i’m fairly certain all of these came out in 2K)
10. Senor Coconut y Su Conjunto- El Baile Aleman (some latino guys re-doing Kraftwerk songs)
9. Jets to Brazil- Four Cornered Night (but it took a LOOOONG time for it to grow on me)
8. Sleater Kinney- All Hands on the Bad One
7. Songs: Ohia- The Lioness
6. The Turing Machine- A New Machine For Living
5. Elliott Smith- Figure 8
4. Richard Buckner- The Hill
3. Engine Down- To Bury Within the Sound
2. GSYBE- Lift Your Skinny Fists...
1. Crooked Fingers- Crooked Fingers

I’m not a Survivor watcher.

crush update- nothing new to report. been hangin out... laughing, talking, getting along very well. on the road to being very good friends.

My folks just mailed a king cake to work for me. Mmm, the smell of sugar is the smell of home.
Mike - I am a total Survivor addict. Didn't you think Jerri was being the biggest bitch last night - so manipulative. I felt so sorry for Kel. So I've been watching the show with the same group of friends that I watched Survivor 1 with. And one of them is working on her PhD in communications. She's currently working on a paper called "Media in the Home" which will be based on the group of us watching Survivor and how we interact. So now I'm a focus group, a source of data for her. It adds an interesting element to watching the show, knowing you'll also be part of an academic paper. But back to the show, my favorite so far is Roger which probably means he won't be on that long. What do you think?

Thursday, February 01, 2001

Mike: Interesting Hydrahead fact. About two months ago posted a long response to criticisms from "the press" that they had been receiving about their shitty release schedule problems and their habit of making collectable records rather than records that people can actually buy. I'm proud to say that I am "the press" in this case. Their response was triggered by my review of the Boy Sets Fire/Coalesce split in Slave #4. (which, by the way, is a really badly written review, I realize in retrospect. You see now why I don't really write that much for Slave.) They've been getting "hate mail" for a long time and I think my review is the straw taht broke the camel's back. Aaron from Hydrahead actually wrote and told me this. He was totally defensive though. The tone of the post is about the same as the email he sent me. But here's the kicker, I checked the site a few days ago and found that they are now busting people for selling their records on ebay. heh heh. I guess I made my point after all, stoners!

Here's their response to my review (which I don't have on my computer, sorry).

And the most recent ebay thing.

moved. posted a LONG response to the intrusive survey. lost it. have to tell you about moving, seattle public art and latest public monument dramas. won't have internet hookup at home for 2 weeks then i'll be out of town for 2 weeks so i'll be pretty sparse on other people's connections and borrowed time

. i love the year end lists. i have zach's old ones saved somewhere for the day when i start building a cd colection that doesn't suck. i'm terrible at ranking things so i love the countdowns. so thank you for the lists. and zach thank you for the magazines. i got them today. gotta go!

I think the Bridget Jones sequel is called "The Edge of Reason." I started reading it in the bookstore - it's pretty similiar to the first book, but I liked that one so maybe I'll read the sequel anyway.
My college offers a seminar that alumni can attend. Last year it was "Perspectives on Truth." This year it's "Perspectives on Love" So a few nights ago I got to listen to two philosophers, a biologist, a lawyer, a psychologist and an actor/theater teacher debate "What is Love?" Very interesting. If I can gather all the comments into something cohesive, I may try and get a valentine's day piece out of it for magnet&steel.