Wednesday, April 30, 2003

Used accumulated credit to "buy" the follow cds today:

Refused - The Shape of Punk to Come (I had a tape copy)
Nada Surf - Let Go
Talking Heads - Speaking in Tongues
Wilco - Yankee Hotel Foxtrot
Pete Yorn - Music for the Morning After
White Stripes - Elephant

The Refused album, I feel compelled to mention, is quite possibly the best punk album released in my generation. Its just as good now as it was in 1998. And in 1998 it was like the word of god itself. I listened to this album twice a day in the winter of 98/99.

Freedom, you're making me hungry! Everyone should go to Baskin Robbins tonight. They are giving out free ice cream for some good cause. Something about books and kids. Am going after my run. Before the cream though we are getting a big, phat, juicy burger. I haven't had one in more than two months. I think it's about that time....I love food.

Two people from our office are graduating, one with a BA the other with a BBA. We are ordering this cake that sounds FAB, it's called the black and white cake. It has a layer of choc cake, choc mousse, white cake, white mousse. Somebody's bringin' milk. YUM.

You know I have not cooked a good meal in forever. Ok, I take that back. I cooked on Monday night but it just didn't excite me. I think I want a salmon steak or something. But I have to wait till after Sunday.

Friends, my performance run (i.e., the thing I've been training for the last 10 weeks) is quickly approaching -- this Sunday at 7 a.m. I can't believe that it is already here. Last week we ran 2.9 miles. This week, 3 miles. On Sunday, 3.1 miles -- I hope to beat my personal best of 38 minutes. If not, I have another run that I am doing on my own toward the end of May.

Tuesday, April 29, 2003

Sorry I missed the post-a-thon yesterday. I had my eyes dialated at the eye doctor - and it took about 6 hours before I could focus and no longer looked like an anime character. So computers were not an option for most of the day. Neither was sunshine. Actually, I was pretty bored. But today - fun posts to read, new Buffy on tonight, some swimming after work. Things are looking good.

JT, I thought that you were keeping our relationship a secret....Such the exhibitionist you are (blush, blush)!

Whoever came up with Mike Freedom, I love it!

Wow, I used two exclaimation points to end two of three sentences.

I deleted the confusing post. My bad. I think I've been getting too much sun here.

Today: trying to get in touch with one of my friends in Brooklyn (the phone number I have for her has been temporarily disconnected, hmm). Liberty Bell. Making a fabulous meal for Upma with Mike F.

Monday, April 28, 2003

so it makes sense... kainui posted under my name earlier on.
perhaps i haven't made myself clear. i am not getting married off by any of you. if there is any more talk of upma and marriage by anyone other than myself, i'm quitting lake effect. if you write me a personal ad, i will not speak to you anymore. i'm not lying. this is not humorous to me. please stop. thank you.

JT, i'm so happy for you!
Zach, i'm so happy for you!

i had my first meeting for this group i've been trying to get started for the last 6 months. it's basically a closed forum of filmmakers, and we just talk about our work and get feedback and bounce off ideas etc. the first meeting that finally happened on sunday had very low attendence, but was great nonetheless. i feel so great about starting to accomplish things in the community. it's pretty sweet.

Wow, nearly ever lakeffecter has something to say today. (Kainui? Steph?) I don't, but it seems a shame to pass up a five for seven day.

We just got done playing a show with Ilya (of San Diego). It was our fourth great show (out of four shows). We are seriously the best band since... um... Bach. If Jesus had a band, he'd be weeping because we are so much better than his band.

Honestly, if people don't stop saying nice things about our band, I'm going to turn in a completely insufferable gasbag. You see how full of shit I've become just from this post.

Dr Teeth is fast becoming my favorite Muppet.

It's been a good three weeks since I posted: Here's some things that have happened to me from my time in Boston to present in somewhat chronological order:

1. Met the infamous Mike Freedom
2. Performed and had a piece performed in Boston successfully
3. Got hit by a car
4. Left Boston, Mike I left that fallafel sandwich in your fridge, I hope you got rid of it.
5. Had x-rays taken of arm (this process took three days
6. Fell in Love
7. The person I fell in love with fell in love with me (this too happened in about 3 days
8. Jeff Herriot stays in Pillow room, becomes Dr. Jeff Herriott
9. Still in Love
10. Robots start smoking, too nervous before concert
11. arm gets better
12. Host Kainui for Dada Rex residency
13. Perform some pieces
14 Perform some more pieces
15. Kainui Bakes and Bakes while I'm at school
16. Get new shoes at mall, while holding hands with someone
17. Kainui and I walk around Buffalo
18. I sleep through K's departure
19. Still in love
20. Type lakeeffect post

if vic chestnut and especially m. ward come to your town, don't miss it, especially you angie!!

So I've been feeling all Asian American-y lately. Probably has something to do with the group of Asian journalists I've been hanging with this past weekend, and last night I went to a spoken word backed up by mood music, whose crowd mostly consisted of Asian peeps. And I just finished reading about an Asian American festival of sorts, that I'll probably attend.

This Asian-ness is so funny. For the longest time I did all I could to hide it, then I realized that you can't hide from something that hits you in the face every time you look in a mirror. I try to stay away from "super Asian" groups that cry foul at the smallest thing, but at the same time it's important to keep up with the issues. And quite frankly there aren't many outspoken Asians out there who can fight for the right. So you gotta do what the Big Guy put you here to do.

I had the best time at my softball game yesterday. It's for a team that I've been playing on for the last four or five years. Yesterday was the first time in a few months that our full team showed up, and it was just good to be silly about nothing. Oh, in another Asian note, there is another Asian girl on my team, who of course looks nothing like me. But the coach for the other team insisted that we favored each other and must be sisters. Whatever.

Sunday, April 27, 2003

louise and michael freedom have descended upon philly. it rocks... except for the part where they keep threatening to marry me off.

Friday, April 25, 2003

One of the best things happened tonight. The Dallas Mavericks were playing against the Portland Trailblazers in an NBA playoff game. The promoters in Portland decided to put this young American Idol type girl up to sing the national anthem. In the middle of singing, she blanks out on the words in front of 20,000 people. The head coach for Portland, after registering the situation, walks over to her, puts his arm around her shoulder and picks up where she left off....He started to sing and she joined him, along with the rest of the crowd. Can you believe that? That was really an amazing sight, you could just see the relief in the girl's face. tonight, that is what I wish for more of......random acts of kindness and gratitude

My most intense dream cycles seem to be between 7 and 9 am - while I'm working, I either miss that cycle completely or wake up halfway through and spend the rest of the day disoriented. I haven't missed a complete cycle once since arriving in Buffalo, and this morning was a doozy. I didn't have my journal and pen nearby when I woke up, so I've forgotten most of it, but there was something about sand dunes and water and me holding a gun on someone (nobody I would recognize awake; in the dream I think he was a dealer) and saying "I don't want to kill you" and then he laughed, grabbed my hand and shot himself and said "You just did." Then there was a salad bar and a bunch of my co-workers and we were supposed to be getting ready for a meeting but never did. The crab legs were really bright.

today seems to be a new day. hmmm. lots to do this weekend!

Thursday, April 24, 2003

angie, thanks for the advice. some of it applies, and some of it doesn't. i work at a non-profit organization where there is no organization and i'm the only full time employee. sometimes i wish i were back in the (quasi) corporate world. but, no matter what i just won't be truly, truly, truly happy until i can play around all day working on 5 projects at the same time and still eat and live comfortably. so i will daydream. and daydream some more. and when that existence occurs, i will still daydream. you will totally get an indian meal when we catch up.

other things i wish for today. i wish i had never been broken into. i wish i were not so mentally weak. i wish i had a friend in philadelphia that i could talk to more freely about anything and everything. i wish i didn't feel guilty about being the victim of a crime. i wish the guy never got picked up so i could be done dealing with it. i wish the guy gets a maximum sentence. i wish the guy gets a minumum sentence. i wish that while the guy does time, he reflects upon the headaches and pain and suffering he has caused others. i wish the headaches and pain and suffering were not a big deal. i wish the "system" were such that the guy would never have thought that stealing from people is the best option. i wish to get my passport back. i wish i didn't feel like such a sad, pathetic piece because i am too weak to be tough. i wish that tomorrow be a new day and i stop wishing for all these things.

If wishes were horses, my front yard alone would be standing room only. I wove garlands of almost-wishes last week, with tiny violets and star-like white flowers. One of them went on a Buddha statue in front of my friend's house, another hung up behind the chicken coop that I helped build.

Today I don't know what I would wish for. Ever since Sarah told me about the art community she wants to be a part of, I've been wondering. It seems like I've slid into this very comfortable little zone. I like my job, I like living in Bloomington, the friends I have there, going out into the country to spend time with people and doing things like building chicken coops and standing in creeks looking for interesting pebbles. I make enough money to live on, to pay off debt and to travel every few months. I have time for myself that I can spend doing whatever I want to.

But I can't say I burn for anything, either, I mean total fire in the belly passion. I light up for stuff, but it's been a while since I've spontaneously combusted.

Steph - I haven't caught up with the current seasons of either Buffy or Angel. I'm trying really hard to. I'm watching, like, four episodes a day now, but I'm still only on Buffy season five and Angel season two. I still like Buffy very much but the endless parade of misery in their lives by season five is starting to wear on the shows ability to move the characters forward. Angel, on the other hand, has that brilliant midseason (two) arc where good Angel goes all mean and evil despite his soul. I loved that.

I'm going to watch the last few episodes of Buffy despite not knowing that much about the events of the current season. I'm avoiding Angel to try and preserve some of the surprise.

---

I haven't seen the crush in about two weeks. This is a bummer and I'm trying not to dwell on it. I think it's probably the smart move, but I never really know anything for sure.


Upma, if and when you ask for a promotion, be sure to have a mental list of accomplishments since you joined the team. Also have an idea of what you want to do in the near future and most of all tasks that you've added to repertoire -- especially those that aren't necessarily listed in your current job description. Not that you would do this, but never ever compare yourself/accomplishments to others in the office. That's the worst thing you can do. Nor should you ask co-workers about your salary. That will make you feel real small, real fast. Focus on the positive, without being too overbearing.

It also helps to look at job descriptions of those who are above you. That way you have an idea of what you need to grow into, in order to advance at your current place of employment. What can I say, other than that knowledge is power. Ka-boom!

This is all just off the top of my head. I know you didn't necessarily ask for career advice, but you got it anyway! To repay me I'll be expecting one hot damn Indain meal whenever we meet ....... Ha, ha. Go get 'em girl!

Shelly - that was a beautiful post.
Angie - running, kick ass. It's been super workout week for me. I'm going swimming after work today - first swim on the season! It's sunny and 85, and I can't wait to be in the pool Did yoga once already this week and a yoga/pilates/tai chi hybrid last night. Something about it staying light out later fills me with energy.
Zach - are you watching this season of Angel - it was so creepy and good last night? Any updates on the crush?
Upma - definately ask for a promotion. You work your butt off. Just document that and go in with full confidence.

Wednesday, April 23, 2003

i wonder if you knew that wishes are in season?
we used to call them dandelions, though i think they are actually something else.
they start with an impertinent yellow flower which turns into a downy fluff. you pick them and blow the seed tufts in every direction while you send your wish into the wind.
the yards right now are full of those flowers, and you should gather some up if you see them tomorrow.
because i think the wishing season is short, with the capricious whims of a windy rainy northwest spring. it is months before we'll have a still, hot day.
and since the season only comes once a year, (except, perhaps, for birthdays) you'd better wish them now, before they blow away.

tonight on my walk a saw something on a lawn which looked like some wayward marine life. upon closer inspection, it was almost certainly some sort of abandoned sex toy, the likes of which i've never seen before.

several blocks later, i saw what i thought was going to be the motherlode of free piles along the curb. as i got closer to the disarray, i realized there were two men, one helping to watch over the remains of all of the other's belongings, which had recently been tossed out into the street in the rainstorm.

on the night walk home, all the worms, and slugs, and enormous snails, with their antennae fully extended, had emerged from the tiny patch of moist ground on one side of the sidewalk to make the treacherous migration to the small patch of damp peat on the other side of the cement walkways.

Bettie Seveert. Wow, I haven't heard that name in a long time. A guy I had dated briefly used to always play that "Tom Boy" song and sing it to me. It was kinda cute, now that I think about it.

Weez, can't you hitch hike? Or don't you want to take vacation with no pay, just to see ME? Ah, just giving you a hard time....

Today was the day from hell. HELL. Was working my ass off from 8 a.m. till the moment I left at 5. I ate lunch at 4 p.m.!!!!

Here's my big news. I ran the furthest I've ever run in my live --- THREE MILES. I still can't believe it!

Shelly, I saw photos of Andy Goldsworthy's work in Smithsonian magazine - kind of reminded me of another artist who did things like stake plastic streamers in streams. Worked with elementary school kids and stuff. Can't remember his name, of course. Have you seen Patrick Dougherty's work?

Angie, I know you don't want to hear me say it, but June is an unlikely month for me to be traveling. And what if Upma asks for a promotion? (p.s. I don't think Sarah was talking about ABC No Rio).

Went to a concert that included pieces JT wrote and he performed in most of the pieces as well. I particularly liked his piece that involves singing into a piano; unfortunately the piano wasn't resonant like it should be. He says it was the black hole of pianos.

i've already spent a good portion of the "spring" this year collecting and piling rocks on the beaches around seattle, so when i saw the preview for Rivers and Tides: Andy Goldsworthy Working with Time, i knew i had to see it. he is a scottish environmental sculptor who creates ephemeral sculptures in nature. the film is ok but the visuals are really stunning, and watching Goldsworthy work and talk about his work is pretty cool, even though i generally hate voice over. he piles rocks, builds things out of flowers and twigs and leaves and tide pools and river currents. words are not the medium for this. see it if you have a chance. it is sort of slow moving though, so if you end up renting it, you may want to use it more as ambient visuals than active watching.

another passtime i've taken up is writing notes upside down and backwards, left handed, and most recently also in spanish. i think this accesses a different portion of my brain.

i've been seing a lot of music lately: Mars Accelerator, Kinski, Wally Shoop, Arab Strap, Bright Eyes, Long Winters, Bettie Seveert, Palo Alto, 4 hurs of Bach around the Clock, Pussy Chop Banana, Euphonison.
i'm going to see M. Ward and Vic Chestnut and the Dirty Three soon.
i'm skipping Cat Power and Crooked Fingers this go round, cause really, there is only so much money in the world, and most of it doesn't belong to me.

Tuesday, April 22, 2003

what if i ask for a promotion?

Ok, I must confess, I am experience Lake Effect envy with all of these mini reunions! Aren't Mike F. and I enough of a draw for a get together in Boston this June?????

Been working it around here lately. If you haven't seen Bend It Like Beckham you must do so immediately. Went kayaking for the first time (on Town Lake). It was much easier than canoeing and very pleasant.

Been looking at houses, still running, playing softball.

Oh here is a funny. One of my three teams is work affiliated. It's the facility services team, so basically the maintenance people. They crack me up. They get off work at 3, their building is next to the softball field, so they drink beer from 3 until game time at 5:30, they play their game, then continue to loiter around the parking lot, all the while still drinking beer. They are a great lot.

The manager of the team's girl friend is the locksmith manager. She walks around with about 200 keys around her waist. She's got this flamin' red, curly hair, and she's quite boisterous. Great, great woman. I could probably write a book about her and her life.

Anyways, she vaguely remembered what department I worked in, so she was roaming around the third floor of my building looking for me. She initially was on the wrong side of the wing, on the human resources side. They finally directed her to our end of the floor. She walks back and forth and says aloud, "She didn't play softball with us..." I said, "Penny, is that you?" She says, "Oh, it IS you. You look ...... so ...... REFINED at the office."

Monday, April 21, 2003

Louise, you wouldn't happen to be talking about ABC No Rio, would you? I saw a documentary about this punk-anarchist-artist community in NYC at sxsw. The address (and name of said doc) is 156 Rivington.

Lola came home, I didn't sleep all night, my flight to Buffalo got rerouted and my luggage lost (Shelly you will find it all very familiar), now in JT's pillow room and it's all wonderful. Had good Indian food last night (okra bahji, vegetable vindaloo and a rice dish with a name I can't remember). Today is research, tomorrow recon, and then I spend a couple of days baking cake and bread and I think I'll make some cookies too. All in the name of art!

My dear friend Sarah who was in NYC for a visit has now decided she is moving there, wants me to split a loft with her. She is convinced she's found the artists community we dreamed about as kids and wants me there asap. I'm feeling like I want to spend the last half of this year footloose, so I'll probably at least stay with her for a while, dunno about moving, although she is so spectacularly effervescently certain that this is exactly what we wanted and stayed up late talking about back before college and full-time jobs and one-year lease agreements. We always knew that it existed and could be real, but this is the first time that one of us has said "it is here and now, the child's dream has arrived, take my hand and come with me."

Of course, as we all know, I don't like big noisy cities. The dreaming child is sticking her tongue out at me as I say that.

Sunday, April 20, 2003

thanks! but really it's you all who do the ruling and rocking.

Upma - you rock lots and lots and lots.

Saturday, April 19, 2003

Upma, you are so the most amazing.

I am leaving the house in 6 hours for the airport. I'm halfway packed, the cat is MIA, and I haven't heard from JT in about a week. All systems normal.

Today I helped build a chicken coop, used a pitchfork to move mulch, went morel mushroom hunting, built a fire, grilled bratwurst, and now I'm smoky smelly muddy.

Upma, that rules!

holy momma
http://www.filmthreat.com/Reviews.asp?Id=4460

Stupid bugs begone.
So I got up early this morning and went to the Farmer's Market. I've been compulsively smelling the basil ever since I got home.
Zach - you are a kickass songwriter.

Thursday, April 17, 2003

do you ever just feel like you got hit by the stupid bug? and everything you do and everything you say is just so stupid...?
i feel like the stupid bug hit me.

Best compliment I ever got after a show. We had just finished. Our last song was one called "Twink." We kicked its ass. When we were breaking down this guy and his girlfriend came up to me.

Freshman-looking guy: (tentative) Hey man, did you write that song?

Me: uh, yeah.

Fresh: It was awesome, dude... but what was it about?

Something about that just struck me. He was so sincere and nice. He just really wanted to know what the song was about. Like it really mattered to him that he knew.

The lyrics. Which are weirdly out of place without the music.

Twink

Hey, your honor, there is no crime in loving a girl
One little madonna not long for the world
Please, I don't smoke cigerettes
I'm happy to pay my own fines
My mother has come in the rental car
But she lost track of the time

There are beasts lurking in cover of night with lust in their eyes
Maybe tortured as little brothers
Maybe just regular guys
I have seen the path before her house
I have seen them pitch and weave
One giggling graduate gripped by a sailor on leave

Hey, your honor, there is no crime in protecting a friend
I live less than a mile away
And I saw that bastard going in
As a boy, I collected Christmas lights
I saw them whereever I went
Every star in the galaxy
And my walls held them in

She was a light, she was a light
She wasn't fooling the night

There is no easy way to amend when a life is at an end
A birthright, crouched in a shadow
Sometime you can never win
Could you give a note to my mother?
Just put in on her windshield
Tell her I have taken a lover
And we're running away...

She was a light, she was a light
She wasn't fooling the night

maybe, i wanna be in a running club. where do i find out about my local running club?

Stephanie: Patty plays on Friday unfortunately, so I will be missing out. Still I'll be eating me some finger-lickin' good BBQ from the Salt Lick. And by then I'll be able to indulge in as many sweets my little heart desires.

Mike, your release is FABU. Are all of your pals baseball fanatics?

Upma, wish I could make the mini summit. That weekend I'm hosting a group of journalists at the college for a conference.

Every week we have a running routine. For some reason I thought we were running twenty minutes straight last night. Oh no, we were running TWO MILES. Most regular runners can run two miles in twenty minutes, but "Not I," said bug. It actually was not so bad, and I finished it in about twenty-six minutes. I probably could have shaved some of that off, if I had more times to run this past week. Joining this running club has really changed my life, and here are a few observations I've had:

-- although it is really a one-man sport, there is a real sense of camaraderie. And don't forget about the bonding....You're encouraged to run with partners, they have a ton of running clubs that you can join, etc.
-- they are all very loyal to locally owned running stores. God forbid if you purchase a sports bra from Academy or Oshman's.
-- all are full of encouragement and positive reinforcement (yet not overbearing). It's like the family you never had. Seriously. "Sure you can train to run a marathon in six weeks. You're already running a X minute mile, so that would mean you would need to run a Y minute mile. You can do it....."
-- they are sympathetic to novice runners. I have a few friends, who certainly can run circles around (i.e., smoke) me. Yet, they have chosen to run or pace with me during a 5K, just for the support of it all. My boss even bought me a gift subscription to Runners World, the bible essentially. This is so incredibly amazing to me.
-- they are genuinely interested in your progress. "What are you running this week? How'd you do?" etc.
-- whenever you start talking about ailments, they all try to suggest and brainstorm ways to get through them.
-- they freakin' travel all over the world, just to run. The president of the umbrella running group in Houston ran a marathon in New Zealand for crying out loud!

Wednesday, April 16, 2003

MINI SUMMIT at upma n tucker's! april 27-30.
already attending: Louise, Mike F.

i'm (gonna try to) finish unpacking and cleaning up for the occassion.
Home Depot tomorrow night. i wish there was a Lowe's here, cuz it's all North Carolina. and i've decided that North Carolina rules the planet.

Angie - I haven't decided yet about the Old Settler's Music Festival. I'll let you know if I decide to go out on Saturday. What night is Patty Griffin playing?

As I was walking the halls this afternoon, one woman was quoting Dr. Phil. Have y'all ever seen that guy? Talk about pointing out the obvious. Why can I be compensated the way that he is?

Stephanie, I will be in Austin this weekend at the old settlers' bluegrass festival. The forecast is calling for rain and thunderstorms, so I guess we might be roughing it. Not sure if we'll have time to catch up, it will be kinda crazy, but I wanted to see if you would be at the festival on Sat.

Been working with a group of students, and I wrote a retrospective news release about the organization because it is celebrating an anniversary. I called the president to see if she had any edits, and she says, "Oh I think it's GREAT, I've been showing everyone I know!" Some college kids are so cute. Stuff like that makes my job easier.

In other news one of my friends dressed in drag for the MS150. The friend who took the pictures are holding the photos hostage till you fork over your money. Let me just say that the donation was worth it. Thank God that made that man a man because he sure would have made an ugly ass woman!!!!

Oh I've resurrected the word "honkin'" into my vocabulary. "Man, that was a big ole honkin' bee that was flying around," or "Check out that honkin' piece o' booty!" My co-workers have gotten a kick out it.

Dear Federal and State Governments,

Thank you for giving me $982 of my money back.

z.

Tuesday, April 15, 2003

i'm sooo tired.

Last week my check engine light came on. A friend of mine and I read the manual, and it told us to tighten the gas cap, that if after 3 drives if it was still on to bring it to the mechanic. As of yesterday it was still on and I am going out of town this weekend. Being a single woman, I don't like taking many chances with cars and such. So I bring it into the dealership. It's the catalytic converter, which runs $1100 (yes, you read that right). It's some internal device that helps with the exhaust system -- a pollution device). Apparently it's made of platinum, that is why it is so expensive. I'm convinced though that engineers just came up with this piece of shit and a fancy pants name just to hurt the little man like myself.

I've had a shitload of work at the office. Ok, let me ask you. How is that a new organization whose members were conceived in a tube that was housed in Antartica, are all left-handed, really dig Kenny G and eat albacore tuna three times a day every day merits a news release? Is anyone really going to give a flying fuck? Seriously.

Louise if you are soft-headed hippie than so am I. I think we should all do more fucking in soft grass on a warm, spring night.

Monday, April 14, 2003

Went to the Ani DiFranco show tonight. She said something along the lines of "thank you all for showing up on such a beautiful night instead of fucking in the grass or something" and then did her set. Corporate greed evil, capitalism nasty, warmongering fascist bad bad bad bad bad etc. And at the end of it, I was thinking, songs about fucking in the grass on a warm spring night - there aren't enough songs about that. Or even lying in the grass on a warm summer night, holding hands. Yes, it's important to talk about political issues and struggle. But isn't it possible that a song about the joy of being alive and fucking in soft grass on a warm spring night can be just as political? Celebrating the joy of being? Am I turning into a soft-headed hippie?

Maybe the trouble is that thinking about things like fucking in the grass on a warm spring night is more likely to get people out onto the lawn instead of writing a song.

insteado of going to bed now as i should, i'm going to compile a list of films that i've seen between SXSW and the Philadelphia Film Fest.

SXSW:
Assasination Tango
music videos block
Three and a Half (Canada)
The Target Shoots First
The Revolution Will Not be Televised (Ireland/Venezuela)
Only in America
Robot Stories
Assisted Living
Flag Wars
156 Rivington
Screen Door Jesus
Documentary Shorts Block 2
A Mighty Wind
Raising Victor Vargas
Cinemania (Germany/USA)
Sex: Female
Narrative Shorts Block 2
Jon E Edwards Is in Love
Bollywood/Hollywood (Canada)

Philadelphia Film Fest:
Puppetmania (stop animation shorts block)
A Loving Father (France)
XX/XY
Tale of a Naughty Girl (India)
Fuehrer Ex (Germany/ Italy)
Fancy Dancing (Canada/ Great Britain)
Ghost River (France)
Sailing Home (Italy)
Peck on the Cheek (India)
Invisible Mountains
The Magdalene Sisters (Ireland/ Great Britain)
Mr. and Mrs. Iyer (India)
Coney Island Baby
Rub and Tug (Canada)
The Three Marias (Brazil/ Italy)
Reality in Question (shorts block)


The new Dawn Chorus slogan is going to be "Dawn Chorus: Continuous Soft Rock." I see it on everything. Demos, t-shirts, patches, drink cozies, change purses. And it fits so well, because, guys, let me tell you, we are some Lite FM-playing motherfuckers. We have a purcussionist, for christsake! We're all Bruce Hornsby and the Range. Its pretty sweet.

The show on weds is going to be stupid good.

I'm reading a really cool book right now - It's called Wicked - it's the Oz story told from the Wicked Witch of the West's point of view.
I dig the green spring color.

Sunday, April 13, 2003

Sure signs of spring:
*The wanna-be frat boys next door held a kegger Saturday. They started at 8 am. Today they cleaned up the yard and discussed the high points of the party. I gave up on lounging in the backyard during their discussion of the guy who stepped on a broken bottle and got blood all over their bathroom.
*The Star of Indiana tour buses that ferry seniors to Nashville, IN (a ducky goosey craft mall disguised as a town) are running through Bloomington again.
*I'm shaving my armpits.

Saturday, April 12, 2003

This crush might be something else because I've been pretty open about it. Usually I'm not at all, because more often than not, I'm not really interested so much as the inner Morrissey in me enjoys the pain a silent crush can bring. This instance I felt a little more inclined to action on, because I had a sense that something might come of it. Jesus, Jehova, and the Holy Ghost have pulled a triple team on me to keep the chances in the low to zero range. I swear if I make it to heaven, I'm going in swinging.

Friday, April 11, 2003

I think of a crush as a sparkle. Mostly it's a twinkle that puts a spring in my step, although I once had a crush that was more like having a piano dropped on me as I walked down the street (perhaps crush isn't the right word. Smash? Ker-whomp? I think I like ker-whomp). I've had crushes that were cured simply by getting to know the person better (I cannot stress enough the need to find out about how they relate to their parents). I don't think any of mine qualify as hopeless - I don't think of a crush as being something that needs to lead into anything else. It can be a nice way enjoy the thrill while avoiding the responsibilities of a more intimate relationship.

When can a crush get in the way? When it isn't yours. There's a guy who'd like to go out on a date, but I won't - because a friend of mine has a big crush on him but says she can't deal with a relationship right now. Very junior high, I know.

A crush can be anything from "I want to spend more time with this person" to "I want to jump his bones." Simply put, it's a sweet feeling that just sort of lingers... There's no rhyme or reason, there's no set standard. Crushes can exist at almost any level. My crush last week was an 18 year old who has business cards. He is so cute and put together, and he'll do anything for you. Last night it was my cousin, because he's so laid back and can handle family things in a way that I could never. I have a crush on JT for the pillows he's made but I have yet to see, Weezie for her crafties and ways with Zach, Shelly who shines and shines simply because she can, Mike for his nerdiness and love of baseball, Zach for his curmudgeon-like ways, Upma for her kick ass projects, Stephanie b/c she is a foodie like me.

oh also, how do you personally define what a crush is?

also not healthy, a mutual crush, which neither of you bother to squash, which one or both of you have still decided is somehow "hopeless." all hypothetical, of course.

i think the hopeless crush can be either healthy or unhealthy depending on whether it means you wake up in the morning and notice that the trees are in bloom and the air smells wonderful and maybe you'll make this extra energy turn into a film somehow. and maybe, somehow, he'll see it and realize your true genius and reveal that he has loved you all along, even though you know that he really won't. and that is ok because you're becoming love and making art from love and that is beautiful too. not so healthy if you spend most of your time snivelling into your pillow about how everything in life is hopeless and you'll never be happy or get what you want, and you spend the rest of your time annoying your friends with endless stories about your unrequited love or secretly stalking your crush.

question: what is your opinion on having a "crush?" do you think it's unhealthy or "bad" to have a crush on someone you know nothing will ever happen with? do you feel like you're wasting energy? or do you think crushes are good and healthy and great for imaginations and daydreams? do you have a crush manifesto?

Thursday, April 10, 2003

I've grown to like the green too. It stays unless someone has a major objection.

The weather in our fair city has been mostly shitty for about a week now. Constant rain and cold, overcast, muddy. The effect has been a city-wide bummer. I've slept through work for three days straight. This morning I woke up with the first signs of a cold, so I called in and told them I couldn't come. Tomorrow I'll do the same. Fuck work. i've never called in sick in my life until this job.

The weather in my brain has been surprisingly better. Around February I started a songwriting roll that continues. I wrote a song today that I think is pretty good. I'm sitting on a stockpile of about a dozen and a half songs that the Dawn Chorus could learn anytime. In a life short on accomplishments, a streak like this one feels pretty nice.

The tragic crush (to be referred to from here on in as "TC"), of whom I have spoken with most of you about and at length, has actually managed to kick me out of my songs about natural and man-made disasters phase. A good thing, I think. Although, I believe in my heart that there is room in this world for more songs about floods and nuclear winters and giant person-eating snakes, I've decided to try and write a couple songs that wouldn't make a little kid cry.

TC requested a song called, "Sleep" the last time we played. Of course, we did it. But I felt compelled to mention that it was about a guy suffocating to death in a poison gas cloud. I believe I said, "This is the sweetest song I've ever writen about poisoning." And people wonder why I'm not a whiz with the fairer sex. Another song, I introduced by saying, "This one is about assholes in love." It is, but I should probably learn to keep me big mouth shut.

Tuesday, April 08, 2003

I like the lime. It's so springy. Refreshing, even.

I know the colors suck. I'll fix it tomorrow.

Z invented a new word to describe what happens when all the Lake Effect women get together: "gynado."

Spring ker-floomed, and then it got cold again. I've been scolding the daffodils.

Dada Rex residency for the purpose of Convalescent Adolescent project (and seeing JT perform):
April 20 - April 27
Going to Philadelphia so Upma can trap me into getting a job and living there:
April 27 - April 30 (? - dates not set yet)
Going to NYC to catch up with old friends and see what all the fuss is about:
April 30 - May 4 (? again as to exact dates)

I haven't made a clear plan for Convalescent Adolescent, but I'm pretty sure it will be made of bread and cake. JT finds this agreeable, especially if the cake is chocolate.

Any recommendations?

the feeling you get after reading the last posting: priceless

I was recruited by a co-worker to pose as "girl riding bike" for a photo shoot today.
Number of years since Stephanie has riden a bike: 7
Number of seconds Stephanie can ride a bike without falling off (beginning of shoot): 3 sec
Number of seconds Stephanie can ride a bike without falling off (end of shoot): 15 sec
Number of photographs taken of Stephanie riding bike: 20
Number of photographs take of Stephanie riding bike (usable): 2

Shelly, never feel like your bitching is miniscule, at least that is the philosophy that I live by. Ha!

I'm having lunch at the South Asia Cafe today. Yum. They have Indian, Pakistani and Chinese food, but the Chinese food sucks. It's ok, I'll have my fare share of the saag paneer and chicken korum.

What is it with people who are all gung ho about PF Chang's? Some people LOVE the place. Aside from the cheesecakes, why is everyone all about the Cheesecake Factory? All of their food is frozen and sucks. Another thing I can't deal with.....theme restaurants. Like that damn Rainforest Cafe? If you see one of those, RUN as fast and as far as you can in the opposite direction.

How's that for whiny baby?

Monday, April 07, 2003

congrats, Mike! i can not even imagine writing that many words in a row that relate to the ones before them

Weez, Fremont! Fremont! i'll take road trips with you to portland on the weekends.

buffy fans, sorry, i got nothin here.

i just erased a rant that i realized it was better not to air publicly. i'm feeling like a baby. a bratty bratty baby.
thank you all for being such good friends. thank you for sharing a beautiful moment of your lives with me.
thank you for all the things i don't thank you for enough.
i feel calmer already.
now if i can just get the stupid bobbin of my sewing machine threaded...

If I want to continue working in the natural foods business, I can get a job in:
Hanover, NH
St Paul, MN
Montpelier, VT
Hendersonville, NC
Providence, RI (*but must be willing to go corporate)
Fremont, WA
Cleveland, OH*
Westport, CT*
Scottsdale, AZ*

Do you see Portland, OR on this list? Neither do I. Dammit.

What is it with people who equate Sept. 11 with the invasion of Iraq? What have they been smoking? And would these please stop?????

Steph - In the past year, I've become a Buffy-obsessive. I watch, like, two or three episodes a day. I plowed through four seasons of Buffy and one season of Angel in about three months time. I had never seen it before, but its become my favorite show ever in no time flat. I wish that Buffy seasons five and six and Angel seasons two-four were already on DVD so I didn't have to watch shitty rips downloaded from the internet.

Does anyone else watch this show? My favorite moments from the seasons I've seen.

1 - Joyce has just learned that Buffy is the Slayer. Spike (bad guy vampire) has just approached Buffy about turning against Angelus. Spike and Joyce are sitting together in the livingroom while Buffy talks to Giles on the phone. There is an uncomfortable silence. Then...

Joyce: so... Do you live in town?
Spike: Yeah.

(cut to buffy talking, then back to the livingroom)

Joyce: Have we met?
Spike: You hit me with an ax once. Said, "Keep your hands off my daughter."
Joyce: Oh...

Another one, from the first season of Angel:

Angel rescues a woman. Spike watches from above and adds his own dialog.

Spike: [as Rachel] How can I thank you, you mysterious black-clad hunk of a night thing? [as Angel] No need, little lady, your tears of gratitude are enough for me. You see, I was once a badass vampire, but love and a pesky curse defanged me. Now I'm just a big, fluffy puppy with bad teeth. No, not the hair! Never the hair! [as Rachel] But there must be some way I can show my appreciation? [as Angel] No, helping those in need's my job, and working up a load of sexual tension and prancing away like a magnificent poof is truly thanks enough. [as Rachel] I understand. I have a nephew who is gay, so... [as Angel] Say no more. Evil's still afoot. And I'm almost out of that nancy-boy hair-gel I like so much. Quickly, to the Angel-mobile, away!

Ha ha ha. Goddamn I love this show.

I'd also like to nominate any exchange between Anya and Giles (Giles: "A friend is coming over." Anya: "An orgasm friend?" Giles: "Yes, that's exactly the most appalling thing you could have said.") and anything said by Oz.

Oh, oh and this great speech by Xander:

Xander: Where is he? Where's the creep that turned me into a spider eating man bitch?
Buffy: He's gone.
Xander: Damn it! You know what? I'm sick of this crap. I'm sick of being the guy who eats insects and gets the funny syphilis. As of this moment, it's over. I'm finished being everybody's butt monkey!
Buffy: Check. No more butt monkey.

HA HA.

I'm glad things are going so well, Mike. What an accomplishment.
Sorry to have been out of the blog-loop, allergies have turned me into a lethargic, itchy, whiny baby. But we're getting a cold front tonight, so hope is near.
Shelly - I'm sorry to hear about the layoffs at work. That's a horrible situation.
Zach - I didn't know you were a fan of the show Angel. I am such a Joss Whedon slobbering fan-girl. And the end of season one is pretty good. I went and bought the DVD.

Sunday, April 06, 2003

Go 'head with your big, bad self, Mr. Fournier. We are surrounded by super stars!!!!

Lunatic vs. asshole: short end of the long end: this one jerk administrator called this charasmatic professor a "fucking lunatic." My response was, "At least he's not a fucking asshole...."

This weekend I went up to Dallas with some college friends for a baby shower, it's my first among my college friends. The hostess and her husband are huge religious fanatics. I'm talking Christian fundamentalists, so before we even got there, I ruled out the topics of the war, religion, and a woman's place in life. Given that the hostess went out of her way to accomdate the group, I treid to refrian from my typical potty mouth behavior. However, we were embrawled in a game of "Cranium." As you might have guessed I was talking lots of trash. When time expired on a question we should have gotten right, I screamed, "Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!" I didn't even realize it came out of my mouth till it was beyond too late. I looked at the hostess and her husband's faces and thought their ears were going to fall off. I said, "I am soooooooooo sorry!" But it was all in fun. The only comment that almost sparked an ass whipping was when the husband came into the kitchen, saw me helping out and said, "Oh, Angie can cook. Maybe there still is some hope for her in getting married." My jaw about dropped to the floor, I regrouped and said sweetly, "Why would I ever need a husband in my life? So that he can take half of everything I own????"

sweeeet! congrats!! *big hugs*

Saturday, April 05, 2003

Joined netflix. On my queue: Angel season one discs 5 and 6, Steely Dan: Two Against Nature live and all of the best of the Muppet Show dvds. If I get any actually movies from this service, I'll be surprised. Soon, NYPD Blue season one and X-files seasons one-six.

I'm neither a fucking lunatic or a fucking asshole. I suspect I'm something of a fucking loser. I think I'd rather be either of the other two.

Mike: That's fantastic! I'd have some champagne too, but it makes me giggly.

Last night I learned how to play euchre - two of us were new to it, and it got pretty hilarious. "You can't play the Jack of Clubs because it's actually a spade" among other things. Then we played poker, using beans as chips. Now we need to figure out how to combine the two so we can play puker.

Friday, April 04, 2003

Shelly: that blows. Let me know if there's anything I can do (like go thrift shopping in Tacoma or something).

Angie: I have a separate email account which is strictly for Paypal, eBay and the rest of my "business," such as it is. It is remarkably spam-free.

I am a fucking lunatic, a fucking asshole, and according to one of my co-workers, I am also a fucking bitch. Typically, I said "Like that's a bad thing. Now get your ass in gear." (side note: people have been coming up to me for days now, telling me that they despise him and think he's an asshole...so maybe I'm not a fucking asshole after all. Oddly enough, *I* don't despise him.)

i already am a lunatic. because i totally live in my own world and am in love with everything even when everyone tries to ruin my whole day over and over and over.

mike. are you lucky to have fallen in with us or fallen in LOVE with us?

If you had to be either a fucking lunatic or a fucking asshole, which would you be and why?

Thursday, April 03, 2003

ugh. now people are actually getting laid off. worse than my stupid trip. my stomach hurts.

now i'm sad. jacob was laid off from the group he was working for today. which doesn't mean he's unemployed, but does now mean he isn't going to be one of the ones sent to thailand for the project he's been working on for the past six months. SARS and budget cuts. blah. since that effectively doubles the cost of the trip, it probably isn't so feasible anymore. on the upside i've been saving money for a trip and will still have those vacation days so maybe i'll be seeing ya'll sooner than later. i'd still like to do a bit of international travel this year though. i need to rethink my whole plan.

Question for the bloggers who ebay. Have y'all noticed a shitload of spam through PalPal? I'm convinced that is why I get so much shit in my inbox.

Wednesday, April 02, 2003

I have a cell phone, but I am a cell phone snob. I only turn it on when it's convenient for me. My friends and family get annoyed with me, but hell. Why should I? It can be so incredibly disruptive....

I had a mixed bag day. Trouble with the realtor. I was so angry with her that I didn't even go off. I just walked away and by 4 p.m. today I hired a new agent. You know it's bad when I don't even waste my breathe on your sorry ass. Left work early because I was felt so pissy but then I had a great run. The best run I've had in the weeks I've been training. I didn't crampu up at all and basically kept my place throughout my training. It was really nice.

Shelly, that is a GREAT story.

I'm working on some new projects at work. It's good because it's putting me into areas I've never been in before, but all the meanwhile I've got to maintain the rest of my routine duties.

Read a great article in the WSJ about the conflicts between the Sunni and Shiite Muslims in Iraq. Crazy shit.I'm such a nerd that I can't help myself.

I had my monthly meeting with my boss the other day. he says to me, "Angie, I have bad news for you. I have to cut your salary in half." I said, "Mike, I've got some bad news, too. I have to cut my workload by three-fourths....."

i'm so insanely tired.
do you hear me when i talk to you in my dreams?

if anyone comes to philly on the 14th, i have a ticket with your name on it for my screening.

isn't that postcard deliciously obnoxious?!!

Dream last night: somewhat lucid. I dreamt I was pregnant, but in the dream I knew I wasn't really pregnant, that it was a metaphor for the creative process, that I'm beginning to work on a project (I don't know what that project is just yet though), and there was a stack of large, thin chocolate chip cookies on a table, and I wanted a cookie but didn't reach for one because I was too busy and then I woke up and wanted to go back to the dream so I could get a cookie. I still want one of those cookies.

Got the camera. Developed the first roll of film. I am now having a bitch of a time reconciling the photos with the descriptions. I'll figure something out. Give me two (2) weeks to get all this stuff into presentable shape.

i'm unbearably happy right now.
i went to take a walk on my break and just as i was getting outside
the bells of the church began to ring.(it is one that i'm inexplicably drawn toward, so much so that after staring at it for years i've finally painted it)
i walked around the block in the brisk air which was half sunny half misty and the bells were still ringing! songs, not just tones. at first i tried to figure out why the bells were ringing. is it a holiday? did it have something to do with the war? but it was a happy sound, so i released myself to it and i sat in the shade and mist on a bench on the corner and watched the man ring them
and i watched as people slowed down at the corner to turn and stare. people stopped walking, rolled their car windows down and hung their heads out.
it was totally magic.
the man in the little bell booth was wearing his earmuffs and pumping his arms and the bells were swinging.
the bench where i sat is right by a rosemary bush so i was running my fingers through that and listening and looking and it made me so happy like i was on sensory overload
then right as my break was about to end, he reached the end of his sheet music, took off his earmuffs, replaced his baseball cap and started to leave. i ran across the street to clap for him. he nodded back then i ran around the block all the way back to work. so my cheeks are all cool and pink and my hands and hair smell like rosemary. it timed so perfectly, i felt like the entire thing had been just for me.

The oak pollen is driving me insane!

Tuesday, April 01, 2003

uh, thank you, weez.

Happy April 1st, Z.

had nothing to do with me.

our pink is back to normal. hooray!

ok, i thought i was the only one confused. 9th & pine is from some less than jake song and is also another blog. code borrowing gone awry?

Wow, we sure on fancy on this new page format. But what's up with those random links and blogs on the left-hand side. Nothing is familiar.

funny, cuz i live just below 9th & Pine.

Either z has done some extensive work on the page, or something's gotten messed up. Anyone else get 9th & Pine v. 4.0 when they go to lakeeffect.blogspot.com?