Saturday, June 30, 2001

Angie Joe, I am liking the scrapbook idea. And now that I've gotten my photos back from my trip, I can fold that in with my need to get the photos in a book anyway.

So, new blog. My place or yours?

Friday, June 29, 2001

i forgot why i don't like summer's in virginia beach. i will not complain about the humidity in greensboro ever again. you should see it outside... you can SEE the humidity. you know how they say "the fog is as thick as pea soup?" well... that's what the humidity looks like tonight. it's gross.
i finally heard from elvis today. not really though. i sent some people this link ( it's pretty darn funny, i think. he replies "that's gross." i guess that's something.
i'm worried about tucker... i don't like leaving her all alone for so long. it turns out i couldn't leave her at Rita's house because they had to flea bomb their place.
well... i know this sounds rather lame, but it's bedtime. (10:30pm on a friday night. that's livin'!)

Upma, Buffalo does have an airport, it's international even (but only because it flies to Canada). Southwest services Buffalo though, so it might be possible find reasonaable airfare. Your welcome to visit anytime.

I was thinking of going to this Benni Hin convention this evening. I don't think I spelled his name right but he's one of these evangelists that heals people, knocks them over with his healing touch. Someone said the "show" is free but you have to fill out personal information when you pick up you ticket so they can hound you for donations until you leave this earthly world. It could be fun... the masses swaying, speaking in tongues, the hypnois and hysteria....then again maybe not.

Here's some random thoughts. Based on the premise that every good Ska band should have the word "ska" in its name Johnny and I came up with: F. SKA Fitzgerald. Just the other day I thought of the rude boy counter part: oSKA Wilde.

The entrepeneurial skater/rave/punks that opened their own clothing/dj vinly store around the corner from where I live are now building a mini-ramp (a 5 foot half pipe) in the courtyard outside their store. I used to love skating mini-ramps. I don't know what kind of access they'll allow but it might be time for the Buffalo chapter of the Over 25 skate club to open.

Stephanie, I've been reading Ulysses too, but I'm not responsible for the material the way you are, so I'm just enjoying the language.

I think you gals should start another blog that eventually becomes a zine. I don't know if I have much to contribute. I think an intersting but merely impossible aspect of the zine would be to get a somehow candid response from males of their perception on how courtship rituals (how they "pick up" women) work in their repsective culture/ethnic groups. It might tie into or work well with Shelly's article about how men perceive her as something other than she is.

Was really annoyed yesterday and had my first work incident. My boss asked me to call the PR contact of one of the major donors of the Biz School, to introduce myself as the new media contact, so I did. Afterwards I sent the asst. dean/biz development guy an e-mail letting him know that I contacted the PR person and about some other stuff. Apparently the asst. dean felt like I went behind his back and pissed on his grave. So he had a shit fit, lambasting me in an e-mail and CC'ing half of creation at his college, including the new dean who is my "client" so to say. I started a response to the asst. dean, but was going to send it to him after lunch (needed time to cool off before responding to the patronizing fuck). Went to lunch with some co-workers in the office -- about 20 minutes off campus to this random place -- where I'm recounting the story to my co-workers. I look up and guess who walks in the door. None other than the same asst. dean! I inform my co-workers and decide immediately that I'm going to approach him. He acted happy to see me, introduced me to the two finance professors he was with, then I said, "Why don't I introduce you to my collegues in external communications?" On our way over to our table, I start buttering him, telling him I had no bad intentions, that I was merely trying to begin developing my relationship with the PR guy. He responds that it was over and that we just need to be "better coordinated."

I think I surprised the shit out of him, because he was probably expecting me to crawl up into the fetal position after that e-mail. Fuck that shit. I've seen many a good ole boy type such as he, and once you've seen one, you've seen them all.

Thursday, June 28, 2001

i think a new blog may be a good development ground for a later print zine. i know lots of people i'd like to get responses from but i'm not sure all of them (mine included) would be coherent enough to publish. a discussion style forum may be really good
and may spawn some mini essays. all the people on the blog could be informed that their contributions may be edited into a print format later.
i think, for myself anyway, perceptions of race and ethnicity are such a delicate subject that "talking" about it in a blog may be easier & less intimidating than just sitting down and writing an essay about it. plus we could all invite anyone we know who might have something interesting to say and see what happens.

i can't wait until zach gets here!!!

As far as the 'zine thing goes, I can ask my boy K-Rad, who is currently writing his Political Science PhD on Asians and hip-hop. His parents are Chinese-Malaysian, and he was born and raised in the Great White North (Canada). I was present at the lunch where his parents started berating him over dim sum about not speaking Cantonese or Mandarin. His mother was cheerfully ripping him a new one about how he really needed to learn Mandarin. Oh, and he lives with his Italian-American girlfriend. If it would be easier, we could start a new side blog about it - I don't want to exclude anyone, just narrow down the topic focus. What say the admins?

Being a working girl again is odd. Having what my stylist calls an "urban and trendy" wedge cut is still something to adjust to. I went in thinking 1920's meets anime and I didn't even need to bring it up - she read my mind. When I have more time, that haircut is a whole 'zine article in itself.

Wednesday, June 27, 2001

JT- i totally dig your flash movie! i’m currently brainstorming on what to do for my first flash movie...
so in your dream... you had your shoes on the whole time? hmmm.
may i ask you a dumb question? does buffalo have an airport? when i can afford a plane ticket to buffalo, may i come visit you? i have long weekends.

Mike- hope therapy was better than the phone conversation.

Mike and JT- i’ve never been through a “break up” because i’ve never had a real boyfriend. even so, i’ve been through my own stuff that would be pretty similar to an emotional break up, and from that experience i tell you this-- you WILL have your days and your other days; feel them. i think you guys are doin’ alright... you’re taking things one day at a time, which is really all you can do. it’s all any of us can ever do. that’s one of the hardest lessons that i still (after having it pounded into my head for the last 6 years) falter on. day by day. moment by moment. some will be good, some will be bad, some will just be. but they all pass, and the next one comes along. i think you guys are pretty strong fellas, and i admire (even envy) you both for that. thank you.

Angie-i find that i’m always wrong when i “listen to my better instincts and take the occasional leap.” and i always regret it when i don’t listen and don’t leap. maybe i ought to pull a george (costanza) and do the opposite. haha..
i also wanted to tell you that i think your pre-summit idea is awesome!!

as for the summit itself, i'm pretty much game for anything AS LONG AS i can afford it. i gotta save for my road trip, and moving.

i like teaching myself to play the bass guitar.

i’m going to virginia beach this weekend to celebrate mom’s birthday. i can’t wait to drive my car for that long! i’ve only done it that once bringing it home.... i haven’t even had the chance to drive to chapel hill or raleigh yet.
i have a funny feeling i’m going to get yelled at about something... but i have no idea what they could possibly be mad at me about. i dunno... it’s just a hunch i have. i’m probably wrong.
tucker will stay at my friends house while i’m gone... i’m gonna miss her!!!! i would just take her with me, but my dad and brother are allergic to the felines, and my dog will think she’s a tasty snack. it would be pretty disastrous.
we’re revamping our web site at work... part of that includes all of us having our own personal pages. i feel intimidated about having all the creative freedom in the world to do what i want at that place. it’s bad... i’m feeling more and more intimidated by those boys. i feel like also, this site could be my quiet way of saying, “i’m just as smart as you guys.” i think i want to use it as more of a resume... but not SO blatant. you know? maybe “showcase” would be a better word. only... i don’t have anything to showcase.

other than a little work stress, and missing zach and gavin, this week has been grrreat so far. i’ve not heard from blue suede shoes at all, and i don’t expect to. i haven’t really missed him... well, i did think about him a lot today. but then i remind myself about how stupid and foolish and hurt he made me feel, and i forget about it.

anyway... i ramble.

I know this sounds weak, but hang in there. I know every time someone tells me that "it will take some time," I just want to shove the words up their asses. And remember that it is more than OK to have really shitty days where you don't even pretend that things are ok. As long as you're not taking it out on anyone, it's ok to "boo-day" every now and then. In fact, it's quite therapeutic (sp?).

Totally random . . .Editorial Page Editor Gail Collins of the NY Times wrote her last op ed piece yesterday. At the end, it read, "My farewell wish is that everybody have a summer as eventful as (Elizabeth Cady) Stanton's and (Lucretia) Mott's, preferably in a setting more cheerful than Seneca Falls circa 1848. And that we all listen to our better instincts and take the occasional leap on their behalf. It is, of course, advisable not to burn down cities in the process."

Everyone: enjoyed your links.

Ok, here is a pre-summit idea. I'm all about sappy shit, despite my tom boy/ghetto girl exterior. Keep in mind it's rough, and I'm not super artsy, so I am depending on you for input. I think we should all do a few scrapbook pages and then compile it all together. I can start it off, then I can mail it to the next person, etc., etc. so that it can be passed around. It can be sort of a glimpse into everyone's life, before we even get to the summit. A momentum builder if you will. and it doesn't have to be just pictures. It can be prose, funny objects (that can be glued onto a page), news articles, etc. What are your thoughts? I have tough skin, so if you think it is lame and can think of something else, my feelings will NOT be hurt.

J.T. - I really enjoyed your flash peepshow. and the new peeps.
Upma - you do have the cutest cat in the world.
Mike - I couldn't follow the link to your site - it just took me to a file not found page.
...packing continues at work - we move into our new building next week. They've brought in food everyday and the halls are a maze of boxes.

Tuesday, June 26, 2001

On friday night I had a betrayal dream. I've never really had a dream like this. It consisted of me being told about everyone that had (until the moment in this dream) secretly betrayed me. The naive illusion of people and places I cared about completely demolished. It was delivered to me via a sweet lesbian I knew from North Texas in a sympathetic but matter-of-fact kind of way. As she continued to tell me ruinous secrets I moved from one room of an unknown house to the next trying to put on socks and shoes, trying to get out, to run. But with each new revelation I would also realize that the socks I was putting on weren't mine, nor the shoes. So I continued looking for my shoes, my socks and finding out more wretched news. At some pont it stopped, I had MY shoes on and I was running, and running, sprinting, to confornt or to escape I don't know, I woke up sad and out of breath, something I don't think I've ever done before.

That same night my roommate had a friend over who managed to drink an entire 5th of some really expensive single malt scotch only to puke it up later in the evening all over our carpet. Despite my roommates best efforts to remove the stain (and more importantly the stink) it still lingered for a few days. I've never been militant (to others) about my sobriety but it really hurts when I see people do that to themselves.

Saturday I watched some solar/battery powered boats designed by engineering students from various Universities race. I still prefer wind power for boats. I completed my latest sailing model. A two mast schooner. It was Launched on Friday in the shadows of these jerry-rigged solar powered canoes and rowboats.

Sunday went to a street festival that was pretty lame, lots of bad bands on four different stages that were too close together. I didn't stay that long. Buffalo summers are beautiful, they pack in as many festivals as they can into a three month period to make up for the 6 month winter. Summer is unfortunately when most people leave town for some unkown reason. It's too bad nobody stopped by in the spring, I was taking care of several apartments while people were away. One week you could have had your choice of two apartments completely to yourself. It's understandable though, Buffalo is hardly on the way to anywhere.

That's the last few days: the last few weeks

Recovered from June in Buffalo (which went rather smoothly) and my break up with Julia. It isn't so bad (no reason for anyone to be unreasonable or immature), we're still friends, which is occasionly tough for me. Some days are better than others, and more better days than other days now.

I've been learning some software. Some Dreamweaver and Flash, iMovie and a significantly updated version of some real time audio processing software caled MAX/MSP that I use a lot. Working on the PEEP site, you can check that out at:

and my first flash animation

I'm learning Flash so that I can help out with these Kids animation camps at the Squeaky Wheel. They start up the 2nd week of July. Working with kids in the 10-15 age bracket. making super 8, video and Flash works. Should be fun.

I've been sewing some. Made a purple corduroy skirt and a few shirts, I'm going to start working on a pair of pants next.

I guess I should be composing some, I've got a few good ideas for pieces but every time I think about them I end up doing something else, usually completely unproductive.

For all of you interested. Squeaky Wheel is doing another open screening called the Pooch and Pussy show. It's three minute shorts (video or film) about Pets or "Animal Behaviour." This sounds like the perfect cameo for Tucker, Upma. I'm going to shoot something for it, but I'm not sure what yet. The screening is August 24th, work is due anytime before that.

While I feel like my month long absence precludes me from having any real say in the summit my projected long-term schedule looks something like this:

January 2002, if all goes well I'll be in Paris for a week with an invitation to IRCAM, staying with friends who will be moving there in August so it might be an affordable trip.

June 2002, June in Buffalo, which will consume me completely.

Depending on how things go I could also be working on my disertation or at least be finished with my comprehensive exams so I will either desperately need a break or have absolutely no time for one.

Location: Hawai'i, North Carolina, Boston, Austin, Houston, Seattle sure, but at the same time if it's some place where somebody lives that assumes a lot of responsibilty for said person -while none of us seems too demanding, hosting our numbers is a bit much to ask. A personal preference: large bodies of water.

Another suggestion which comes out of Shelly's idea about making something or doing an installation (an idea I like a lot): If we're doing something like that and we're going to take some time (as in a year or two) to plan, (as ridiculous as this may sound) we could probably apply for some grants to fund some or all of this expedition.

Sorry I haven't been more active on the blog, hopefully that will change. While reading over this, it occurs to me that I might be doing a few things, but I feel like I'm letting the days slip away.

ok, sorry it took so long, but here are pictures of tucker.
(i know the website isn't very pretty-- it's because i'm lazy).

my building is being pressure washed. i feel like i'm in the middle of a huge storm at sea.

Or Canada - I've never been there.

Zach, you made my day with your post.

Shelly brings up a good point about the summit - do we wanna go somewhere new and explore the place together or do we want to go somewhere where at least one of us knows what the hell we are doing? Also, I think we really need to keep Thad and JT in mind, because they probably have a lot more going on than the rest of us. If I had to vote today, though, I would say that Mexico City and Hawaii are both my top dogs, because I have never been to either place. Maybe next summer or late Spring?

RE: the zine. Mike, you could comment on the white male perspective on things. That way, we have the Asian females, the white female, the white male. Now all we need is commentary from an Asian male. I could always get one of my babling but not so articulate cousins to say something about nothing. I've never written anything for a zine before.

Went to help out Project Row Houses with their news release. It's a really cool group that promotes neighborhood revitalization. I'm all about the little man.

The people who made mean comments about Houston are friends of friends.

Upma-there is no way I'm kissing this fucking dog for you.

Monday, June 25, 2001

p.s. stephanie and any other list makers, if you haven't already, rent pillow book and watch its loveliness.

i just got home from The Shins show at Gatecity Noise. i'm in love with this band. it was really love at first note... when i heard about them, and then i heard their song on the insound's new radio player a couple weeks ago... and i really knew then that this was a love that will last forever. then when i got their album and have been obsessively listening to it... yeah. sooooo gooood!!!!
Swearing at Motorist's opened for them... this guy is from dayton, oh, and he is insane. i think a good kind though. i liked his rockin'er music (as opposed to the mellower tunes).

shelly- cub is pretty good, huh? i have Come out Come out, they do a cover of the Go-Go's Vacation on it... it's good. the whole album is. i remember that i've heard betti-cola, but i don't remember any of it. it's true, they've broken up... but that girl lisa, (the singer) is doing something else these days... i forget what though...

steph- it's funny that you mention your "stitch and bitch" club... some girls in greensboro started something similar... they call themselves The Silver Foxes... they started getting together about a year ago and they were working on a quilt... or seperate quilts? anyway... i didn't have time to do anything with them this past year, but i went to a snack party one day with them... they just talked about stuff they wanted to do... someone wants to make lamp shades, another girl wants to make cutains... and the idea i like best is a cookbook. it's not stitchin... but it's still domestic.

mike- so glad to hear chicago was fun... i'm glad fugazi was good. i was totally thinking about how i coulda/shoulda been in chicago seeing shellac and fugazi. oh well. it's best i didn't. i needed this weekend to start re-grouping... and i'm glad i stayed home... i'm SO much happier this week. haha... it's funny, i saw this guy at the show tonight who works at the university's counseling center... i guess he's like the receptionist guy...? anyway... i always feel weird seeing that guy around... i feel like he knows something about me that i'm embarrassed of... which is weird to me, because i've always been very open about having gone to counseling. i dunno... i'm just crazy i guess. i'm really glad that i could sort through this latest episode by myself... (look ma! no hands!) i don't think i can afford to go to my lady's off campus practice.

have i mentioned to you guys how GOOD The Shins are????? and yes... they're squishy. and yes... they're super cute too.

zach- how's it goin? how are my girls? how was lisa's weekend in charlotte? why don't you give Hi a kissy for me?! hahaha. how's mr. rash? love you.

mike, have you heard of neurosis side project tribes of neurot? i think it is ambient music which you could listen to entirely separately from neurosis and it would make sense, but if played in sync with neurosis it expands the sound or something?

steph, nabokov's prose is dense that way too. ulysses is another one of those books i started but never finished but will one day. in the past year i've gotten the fountainhead, atlas shrugged, and lolita off of that list.

Next week my stitch & bitch club is doing iron-on t-shirts. I'm feeling a little bitter so my shirt will probably end up reading "avoid biscuits" in big sparkly rainbow letters.
Shel/Angie - was Leslie Rick the tall girl who maybe dated Ben Rawley for like 10 minutes?
Shel - I have "Pillow Queen" by Cub on a mix tape that was made for me - I really like that song though don't know which CD it's from.
re: the summit, next spring would be nice for me. I'd like to go someplace I've never been before and someplace not crazy expensive. Though I'd save up for Hawaii - that would be so so cool.
(inserting random thoughts here)
I love macoroni and cheese so much - I can't wait to go home and make it for dinner - I wonder if my taste buds have arrested developement? I also got huge zucchini from a friend's garden that I want to marinate in something and grill to go with.
I have so much reading to finish on Ulysses for my (very ambitious) book club. Joyce's sentences are so beautiful but hard to digest great amounts at a time.
I have been on a list-making kick. I made a list for my friends website - 10 standards to date by. I'll let you know when she posts it. Now I'm making a list of things that cheer me up when in depths or the shallow end of despair.Though I don't really feel like I'm in despair right now - more of a bit of a down after all the birthday highs. here they are: old episodes of buffy the vampire slayer (I went and ordered tapes online yesterday), dancing with someone who can really lead (must find time to go out dancing soon), getting lost in a good sci-fi novel (which won't happen again until I make more progress on Ulysses) and talking long distance with friends (which made my birthday so great the other week - getting to catch up with everyone).
what cheers you up?

ethnicity: i'm in on the zine. the gist of my piece which is still fairly incoherent in my mind: frequently people ask me if i have asian, hispanic, or black heritage even though to my knowledge i'm pretty waspy except for being raised catholic. i get hit on more frequently by ethnic men. why? do they perceive me as ethnically similar or as other or as both? i think i may start interviewing the men who follow me. i wonder if that would turn the power balance? i feel very un-pc talking about this. my sikh friend suneeta has expressed many things similar to what you've talked about, upma.

summit: i can not participate in a summit any time in 2001. sorry, i'm already extended beyond my budget in my travel commitments. i would definitely like to be at a summit. san francisco would be fairly convenient for me. hawaii would be AWESOME. i'd be willing to go nearly anywhere i can afford though i'm broke for money and time off until probably next summer but the beginning of next year minimum. that said i'll do whatever i can to make it to a summit.
what about mexico? we could probably get a group rate at a lot of places and go in the off season and we wouldn't have to go to the shitty tourist places? mexico city is an amazing metropolis or there are beaches that aren't cancun. do we want the focus to be the people or events in the place or both? we could plan some sort of art project while everyone is together? (a film, a sculpture, a zine?) do we want to be somewhere where one of us can play tour guide or go somewhere which is new to everyone? what length of time are we thinking? or does that depend on the place?

i have no matchmaking stories that i can think of.

i had a dream with leslie rick in it two nights ago. no idea why. don't remember the dream.
last night i had a dream that i was having trouble with my wife (?) because we had a terminally ill (or perhaps recently deceased) child. i thought my romantic overtures to my wife would heal and comfort us both. she vehemently disagreed.

i found the bottom half of a female mannequin. instead of feet she has high heel shoes.
the neighborhood was extremely festive for the pride parade this weekend. dykes on bikes were probably the best part. i dressed as my own fairy godmother.

ohmygod. have any of you ever heard of the band Cub? i think they broke up but i heard the cd betti-cola and it is SO GOOD!

i spent the end of the week helping zanetka prepare the set she designed for a kids summer musical presentation of the wiz. i forgot how much fun it is being around a theater.

the whole country is strip mall, yuppies and suburbs. who's giving you a hard time about houston? don't let it get to ya.... people are.... well. people are. (i'm full of profundities. did i use that word right?)

Warning: if any of you visit Houston and stay with me and have me take you around, please do not complain about how much you hate the city to my face. What the fuck is that? So annoying. Yes, Houston has a lot of strip malls, yuppies and suburbs. But shit, it's the FOURTH largest city in the U.S. -- so of course it does. It also has a great museum and performing arts district, the live music scene is not so bad, and it's ethnically diverse. So, don't be tellin' me about how "small-minded" my city is. Ok, just had to vent. I'm done now.

Sunday, June 24, 2001

ok.. i started writing this LONG post about ethnicity and me... but, it's really long. so i'll save that for the 'zine... and i think that might be the only thing i can contribute.... i'm lazy. and not very creative. (zach, i'll need your help with that article)
anyways. in a nutshell:
-- it took me a really long time to realize that i was "different" (i.e. not white).
-- i always had seperate "indian friends" and "school friends" growing up. (my social life as a kid was pretty messed up and way way way too sheltered).
-- in college i joined the indian kids club for a semester... by the end of the semester i was totally shunned because: i didn't eat with them, i didn't party with them, i didn't date them, i preferred my "weird" (i.e rocker) white friends. and i think they think i dressed funny too. and that's when i started dying my hair red too. (ooooo... scary!) so that's when i finally realized that the only nice indian people live in Ohio, and most of the other indian-americans in this country are snobby, conformist, capitalists and i'm not going out of my way ever to meet any indian people. i've met some really cool indian people since i've adopted that attitude.
i'm happy with being me. i'm sorry that i don't know Punjabi, but i will re-learn it someday. i can cook indian food. and, you know.... listen... i was born in west virginia... what can people really expect from me?
-- i also think that it's weird that while India is part of the continent of Asia, we're not considered "asian" and we're not considered middle eastern either. so... i have a problem with the fact that we're totally caught in the middle, we're neither white, nor black, (neither are any of the other brownies), but i think that it's funny that (i THINK) we're the largest minority...(or the largest growing one...?) and there's more focus on hispanics and other asians. and then there's the issue of grouping all the "asians" together.
it's really all one big mess.
i think warren beatty said it best when he said something like "what does it all matter anyway? we're all gonna fuck each other till we're all yellow anyway."

the summit- i'm all for pre-planning and all... but i think two years is a bit long to plan for. perhaps something more like 6 months? hey. (*lightbulb*) which puts us in january... new years??

zach- I MISS YOU!!!!!! today i didn't go to Tex n Shirley's cuz i didn't have anyone to go with. then in the afternoon, rita, lisa, linda, lauren and i went paddle boating at the natural science center (or something like that)... it was F-U-N. and then i had dinner at rita's house... yum. anna cooked- fried tofu, soupy mashed potatoes, salad (with homemade dressing by rita), and chilled greenbeans. and ice cream. (which i supplied, even though i don't like ice-cream, but i didn't know any other last minute vegan dessert options).
yesterday- i went to a BBQ at stan n lori's house... that was fun.
friday i spent $40 at the record store.. i got the new Weezer, the Shins (who are playing at the store tomorrow (mon) night) and the Cherry Valence... which i LOVE! (cherry valence has a cool indian girl in it... they play in town in a couple weeks (along with Last of the Juanitas!) i'm totally gonna make her be my new friend. she's hot too. i was thinking that if i ever get on the ball i want to cast her in some of my projects. i hope she'll do it. she's a rock star!
um... friday... i saw eugene chadbourne and softward. Softward has gotten REALLY good... marc is a much more solid drummer these days... and everyone has gained mucho confidence in their performances. it was nice.

also...i gave myself my 2nd bass guitar lesson today.
i feel like i'm totally hyper right now... i hope this post is somewhat coherent. this wekeends lesson- it's ok to quit boys... you can still have fun. :-)

it is so way past my bedtime.

Zach, the only restaurant I have been to in the Haight is Cha Cha Cha. It's like one block away from Amoeba (a massive record and video store), toward the beginning of the Haight. The 1800 block maybe? Anyways, it's this Carribean/Jamaican restaurant that serves tapas.

There are several, several really good book stores in SF. One cool place is City Lights -- where Jack Kerouac (sp?) and his buds used to hang out. It was the first book store to sell paper backs or something like that. Across the street is Vesuvias (sp?) -- a bar in which Jack and his buds would partake in tasy beverages and talk about nothing. another cool place is called "A Clean, Well Lighted Place to Read" or something like that. It's off of Van Ness and Market maybe. And in Berkely, Telegraph Ave. has something like over 30 book stores.

Golden Gate Park: the one place I didn't check out was the Shakespeare Garden. I hear that they try to grow all kinds of flowers and such that were referenced in Shakespearean plays. Also there are statues and what not. Wish I had time to make it. Ah, another time and place. anyways, when I lived in SF, I lived in Sunset, which borders Golden Gate Park.

Oh you should get a bagel from Noah's. It's my fav bagel place in the world. Yum. I like the Asiago cheese, the chocolate chip and the sun dried tomato.

Steph, I have had one good experience in match making, but it was purely accidently I assure you. I set up Kelly Titus and Dave Scalise when we were seniors in high school. Now they are getting married in August!!!!!!!

Steph/Shel. I was in Borders last night, and I ran into Leslie Rick of all people. She is in physical therapy school and has been in Houston since August.

Weezie, I'll try to think of zine topics.

Man, I really need to invest in a puter. Been busy writing the text for an art brochure and helping out with media relations for a blues event for the 4th of July.

Saturday, June 23, 2001

So I tried playing matchmaker last night but it had diasterous effects. Well, not diasterous exactly. But He spent the whole night talking about his ex-girlfriend. And She spent the whole night talking about men who cheat. So they both had bad experiences in the past. But they had spent my whole birthday party talking to each other. I thought - a group of us going out drinking after work - I'll invite them both and watch the sparks fly. The only sparks flying were from bitterness and spite. I guess it was too soon for both, though they're really none the wiser. Does anyone have any successful matchmaking stories out there?

The Mission is nice enough I guess. I'm not really interested in shops on this trip. i don't need any records or books or clothes (or drugs), so I'd really rather avoid places that sell them. So, besides that, Mission offers little except drugdealers, bums and prostitutes. There are some good restaurants, I'm told, but we haven't eaten out that much yet. The Castro is a little more interesting because it is g-a-y. The Pride parade starts tomorrow so I'm sure its going to get even more fabulous. The whole city has some great art. I love all the murals. I'm jealous that buildings never look like that in North Carolina.

I suppose we should do Haight pretty soon. We tried to eat there (at Axum Ethopian) tonight but couldn't find a place to park. That part of town is cookin' on a Friday night.

We went to the beach today and even though it was very cold, I enjoyed that a lot. I'm hoping to take a day to explore Golden Gate park soon. They have a few flower gardens that I'm psyched to see. Then Bass Lake next week.

The people I'm staying with are all great. Most hail from NC; all have lived there for a least a little while. Last night we went to a show and, I swear half the people there were former Greensboro residents. The band, Lightning Bolt, was pretty great, but I was so hot I couldn't really enjoy myself.

Lisa's dog barfed in this roof and, jesus, it makes me so glad that I don't live with any pets. Whew, stink!

Friday, June 22, 2001

Hm, I see the limitations of the one-shot zine. Topics, anyone?

I go back to work today after being happily unemployed for almost four months. I finally got some stuff done; set aside a duffel bag full of clothes to give away, did laundry, made a pillow for Erin's apartment in Portland. I'm pretty happy with it - one side is apple green silk, the other side a darker green hemp, with a band of gray/purple/pink antique floral sari trim with dark gray velvet ribbon wrapping around both sides. It looks pretty damn good, although I could be a lot happier about the workmanship.

Ahhh, San Francisco. Zach, how'd you like the Mission district?

Zach, you should check out this Chinese vegetarian restaurant in Richmond. I think it's called Bok Choy Garden and is on Clemente and 25th maybe (can't remember what bus number goes down there). They cater tovegans, and there is a Buddhist temple down the street, and many monks go there on special, special days. My aunt used to work there. Also, across the street from Bok Choy Garden is this scrumptious Chinese bakrey. They have THE BEST, and I do mean, THE BEST Chinese pastries. My two favorites are the baked pork buns and the ones with the custard in them (I know the Chinese names but not the American version - if it's anything I know in Chinese, it's the yummy foods). Then there is a movie theatre that shows foreign films. Also further up Clemente there are a bunch of Chinese restaurants/shops that aren't so touristy. There is one place that serves take out dim sum which is good and cheap. That part of SF is considered the second Chinatown of the city.

Southwest is one of those airlines you love to hate. A friend of mine calls it the cattle call, since the seats aren't assigned. Another friend loves it because it's "all about the people." It's not my first choice, but damn is it cheap. I guess that you get what you pay for.

RE: Summit. I'm ok on holding off, but TWO years? That just seems so far away, and I just feel like if we hold off that long, that even more stuff will come up. I just don't see things slowing down any time soon. Not saying that we should meet next week or even in the next few months, but maybe in the next year?

Shelly, had to leave you that voice mail about Stacey's letter. And I am NOT going to respond to that bullshit. I am woman and I am strong ;)

Weezie, beautimous advice to Upma. I couldn't have said it better. I'm all over the zine thing on ethnicity. But a one shot? It might have to be a five part series with our humble opinions!

RE: the new job: LOVE it so far. Already got my parking permit and staff ID. Also got assigned to the Wall Street Journal to read every morning. Wrote my first news release. Interviewing someone this afternoon already for a science writer position. Next week is my welcome lunch. My boss is great. People are nice. Life is very good.

More later this weekend.

Hooray for resolution. I'm still floundering in Biscuitville but hopefully enlightenment will arrive shortly. If not, I'll take the train to the next town.
A fun weekend is planned. Drinks and dinner and then my friend cara's birthday party tonight (karaoke and nakedness are sure to ensue - well, not nakedness on my part - but there is a history at her parties with other guests - one of the hosts has a penchant for playing his drum set in the nude.) Tomorrow I should leave for Fentress, TX for a weekend of BBQ, drinking margaritas and floating down the river.

Thursday, June 21, 2001

So I hung out with That Man yesterday for about an hour, and it was good. He's going to get in touch when he gets back from Okinawa and we'll throw a dinner party, like the good old days before we started exchanging bodily fluids. Zang Pictures completed a film he helped produce, which will be doing a circuit in a couple of film festivals, and they've started shooting a film about Samoan football in Hawai'i. It's so nice to have left behind all the crap from last year and be friends again.

my friend chelle sent this to me a couple weeks ago.... i forgot about till just now when i came back from getting cokes for the boys, i guess rob put it on my desktop while i was gone.

i like that band, Last of the Jaunitas.
i got an e.mail from zach this morning--he sent pics of our friends who live in SF. i knew i missed those girls, but i didn't know how much. i got a little teary twice today thinking about it.
this week-- i feel like a mess. i want to shake myself out of it... i'm supposed to be happy, happy, happy. it's a little frustrating/annoying.
pics of tucker on the way-- i gotta figure out a couple technical things.

Walked through Chinatown yesterday. Saw some neat stuff, but mostly tourist junk shops. i guess they are charming in their own way. we ate at Kowloon. they had a vegan all you can eat dim sum buffet. It was good, but greasy and one or two of the things I got were a little too grody. But, they have this policy where you get charged $2 extra if you don't clean your plate, so we wolfed it all down.

I bought Dad a little terra cotta soldier, because hes always been interested in that thing. I think he's watched a hundred PBS specials on the terra cotta army. Thad, don't tell him, ok?

Lisa is leaving us for the weekend. she's flying back to Charlotte.

Today, we're heading into the Mission area to move some Slave zines. Tonight, we're going to see Lightning Bolt and Last of the Juanitas.

Wednesday, June 20, 2001

Our flight was really long. We stopped in Austin and in San Diego. Southwest is a budg airline. No meal, no movie. Tons of non-vegan, non-veggie snacks though. and the seats are way cramped. but, it was ok. We saved a ton of money by flying with them.

Audrey, Zach Blue, Vic and Meredith met us at the airport. We got to the house and started making plans for the night's get together meal and movie. The meal was a Southern theme. We had cassarole, salad, greens, cornbread, fried "chicken" and sweet tea. Sorry Weez, I'm not much for food details. then we watched Die Hard (my favorite movie and a popular choice), but john and I were overcome by jetlag and were snoring before the good parts.

today, we head to Chinatown.

more later.

Upma - whine all you want - but you should also buy that pinata and paint it's feet blue and then whack the crap out of it for all the emotional fuckwittage you've been put through.
Ditto the praise on not calling. I've had to unplug my phone and put it in another room to avoid temptation like that.
Weezie - have you read Barbara Kingsolver's latest - Prodigal Summer? - I liked it less than the Poisonwood Bible - but since it's Barbara Kingsolver - it's still really good.
Angie Joe - congrats on having carpet - that reminds me of all the housing mess my good friend Stephanie is going through. Her landlord doesn't believe in leases, just signing a list of her rules. But since Stephanie has moved in (a week ago) - she keeps having to fight with her landlord over fixing things. Like the rotton floor around the toilet (gross, I know), the gas leak in the house that will cost $1200 to fix, no hot water, leaky shower, the list goes on. It makes me grateful that even though I'm paying almost twice what she'll pay in rent, the cost of mental anguish doesn't come cheap. Speaking of mental anguish, I'm going bathing suit shopping tonight. No matter your body type, not a fun experience. But I'm going tubing this weekend and want something fun and new to wear.

i feel like i'm being the biggest whiny baby ever. i apologize.
louise... thanks for those words....i needed to hear that. the only thing is... i'm the only person i usually ever do spend quality time with. the only downside of living alone is that more often than not, you are alone.
ok.... abra cadabra....i'm snappin out of it. no more whininess from me.

Upma, I praise you for keeping your hands offa that phone.

Yeah, a boyfriend would be nice. Sometimes I'd like one too...being on the road for 3 months, was like I realized I'm the one I'll be spending the rest of my life with, so I went and eloped with me. I think I'm being honest when I say I'm happy being single. If I can't be in a happy, loving relationship with myself, how can I be in a happy and loving relationship with anyone else? So take a long bubble bath, eat your favorite food, take a long walk, and get around to doing all those things you meant to do and never had the time for. When's the last time you read a really good book that had nothing to do with school? Try 'The Poisonwood Bible' by Barbara Kingsolver. Read a biography of a great woman, like Georgia O'Keefe. Hang out in the kid's section of the library and read a fairytale or five. Watch all those films you've never seen. Have a movie night that's just for you. Get a little gussied up, have your favorite snacks ready, unplug the damn phone and watch three movies in a row. Spend good, solid, quality time with you and just you. It sounds to me like you're making great progress, thinking about things and working them out. Check out 'The Autobiography Box: A Step-By-Step Kit for Examining the Life Worth Living' by Brian Bouldrey. A guided tour of the past is theraputic.

Upma, you are the kind of person I can go to Virginia and back with. You deserve to be happy and fulfilled, so don't shortchange yourself. Treat yourself like gold, give yourself the respect you demand. Everyone in this blog loves you. And I wanna see those pictures of Tucker!

Tuesday, June 19, 2001

i'm reading a story in the latest New Yorker right now... and she says something in this story about how she's never been stared at with such intensity by an american man. (but she was being at by an indian man, and rather enjoying it).

i took pictures of tucker last night... got them deveoped tonight... will hook up the damn scanner (that i've had since sept.) and scan the pics tomorrow... i want to share my baby girl with the whole wide world. you guys... she is the most intelligent cat in the world. and its a funny coincidence... cuz my dog (he's at my parents house)... he's the MOST intelligent... MOST soulful dog in the entire world. i love him so so so so so much. i think that ..... never mind. you guys will just laugh at me. i don't like it when people laugh AT me. i think tucker is pretty soulful too.. but she's too young to tell yet... maybe in a couple years i will see.... i wonder if she's... or tipper too! is someone i used to know when I was a baby.

Weezie - I'm so proud of you for putting out the olive branch to an ex. I've tried it before with diasterous results. The only thing I learned is that you both should be on the same page or someone's feelings are going to get misread and then hurt. But you sound at peace with it.
I'd love to go to a summit - my travel plans and travel buget fluctuate all the time. But if you come to Austin, come in the Spring or late Fall - otherwise it's unbareable hot, rainy or grossly humid. But spring - the wildflowers in bloom - it's just beautiful. But I guess we have a long time to decide.
Upma - my sister-in-law is actually just half-Iranian and she does have a brother - but younger, like 19, and he's dating someone. But he's funny and nice and lives in Austin.
Thanks for all the birthday wishes. More events (though more lowkey) continue this week as those who were out of town last week are continuing to celebrate with me.
The biscuit is back to being a biscuit. But if he wasn't, I'd have to change his name.

Shelly has a good point, although it would be nice if we were all fabulously wealthy so we could have it in Hawai'i. I have no idea where I'll be 2 years from now. I do, however, intend to be in a mode of starting/on/finishing a travel jaunt as much as possible for the next couple of years.

I have been home for almost a week and haven't gotten much done here yet, mainly because it's been me and my nephew most of the time. I love him, love him, love him, and can't wait until he starts kindergarden. Take him, please, and wear him out for me! My brother usually does that, but he's in Carlsbad, CA, and loving it. He's staying with an Anarchy rep, in an apartment 100 feet away from a bodega where they crank out fresh Mexican food. Just about the entire conversation I had with him was about what he had for breakfast at the bodega. I think he's going to be okay.

I got another email from The Man, asking me to collect my stuff before he leaves on Thursday. He's going to be in Okinawa for two weeks, visiting Left, who is one of my closest friends and one of his best buddies since the 4th grade. We had a cheery conversation in which I talked too much and didn't let him talk enough. I've decided to be a decent human being, remember that I was his friend for 5 years before we dated, and be understanding about his freak-out. As his friend, I should have seen it coming anyway. The conspiracy amongst friends makes more sense now. While I was scraping ticks out of my hair in the woods on my spiritual quest, he was reassessing his life. So I'll pick up my stuff, go have a cup of coffee, and be his friend again. We ended on a strange and sour note; if anything, we can end on a sweeter, happier note. It also means we can go to Sure Shot, where the soy mochas come with chocolate soy whipped topping...yum. Now that's a sweeter, happier note. Friendship means for richer, poorer, in sickness and in health, good times and bad. If I can't be a committed friend, what kind of a person am I? If I didn't have good friends to stand by me when the water gets rough, where would I be?

Shelly/Angie Joe/Upma, what say you to collaborating on a one-shot 'zine about ethnicity? Sounds like we all have a lot to say (I haven't even gotten started on men who act like idiots because the only time they see my phenotype up close is in the sex industry). Anyone else interested?

Getting my trip photos developed. I'm afraid I have almost no photographic evidence of the Lake Effect crew. Just means I'll have to remedy that.

i think we should plan a summit for like 2 years from now. plenty of time to plan etc. angie's got a brand new job and probably no vacation time and i'll most likely be in the same boat soon. a lot of us are in flux right now (moving, finishing school, having babies, switching jobs, just starting or finishing long bank breaking trips)and may be more settled then or would at least have a lot more planning time. plus i'm not the only one who's broke am i?
i don't mean delaying it indefinitely, i think a summit would be awesome and should happen. but i at least need A LOT of lead time to make it happen for me.

Phew, I am in a MUCH better mood this week than last week. Sorry to put you guys through all of that. It was rough, but made it intact. I usually don't have such rough weeks, but they at times creep up on you.

Zach, is this your first trip to SF? Oh yeah, Pearl Harbor is a stupid silly movie.

I am leaving SF this afternoon. Man, I am constantly reminded of why I think this is the most incredible city in the world. LOVE it. But I'm so comfortable in my lifestyle as it is that I don't thinkthat I could go back to living in cramped living quarters with three plus room mates. Way too much to deal with after you get home from work.

And I love my cousin Greg. We're a year apart in age and basically grew up together until he moved away for college. We've been getting lots and lots of QT.

oh yeah. i forgot to mention...i gave myself my first bass guitar lesson last night. yay!

Monday, June 18, 2001

the summit-
yes. and i think that having it here in NC would be awesome, (it would be easiest for daddy thad), but i also wouldn’t mind having it in.... oh, i dunno...austin. that’s kind of a middle ground, yes?

ethnicity and me-
this one’s pretty big. you might regret having asked me this. unfortunately, i don’t have enough energy to answer on it at the moment... give me a few days.

shelly- take good care of zach when he visits you in seattle. make sure he doesn’t cheat on me. ;-)

louise- i totally, 100%, agree with angie joe on the boy thing. you gotta trust your instincts.

steph- you have iranian in-laws? it is farsi. i’m jealous. i think that iranians are the most beautiful people in the entire world. does your sister-in-law have any available bro’s?

i love my lil’ kitten so much it makes me cry.

food is good.

where’s JT?

We're leaving first thing tomorrow (today, I guess) for San Francisco. I've finished packing but I'm sure I've forgetten something. I don't know what. I'm taking my digital camera so I should be able to mail you all some pictures from my journey. I can't really think to write cause I'm so excited.

Steph, just saying "happy birthday" at this point seems lame. I should be setting things on fire and spelling your name in explosives.

Mike, may the road rise to meet your feet.

Here's the update on the birth week extravangza. Thursday night I went out to dinner with some close friends and then over to the biscuit's house. The biscuit stuck a candle in a plate of BBQ and sang to me in several different languages. Some of his friends dropped by with beer and an impromptu party happened. But it was much fun and he wasn't biscuity at all. After that (so this is a crazy long message - but what can I say - it was a very eventful weekend) Well, let me begin by saying the inside of my fridge is an alcoholic's wet dream. 43 (yes, I counted) bottles of beer, champagne, liquor - there really isn't much room for food in there. and after the goings on of the past few days, the last thing I feel like doing is drinking. let me tell you of the decadence. friday night was my friend jessie's birthday - the night of events from 8pm to 2am. Well, before going out I had to check that the key I'd made for my brother worked since he was getting in that night late. so I've just gotten out of the shower, thrown on some clothes and go outside to try my new key. it's kind of sticky. but eventually I manage to lock the door. the problem arrives when I cannot unlock the door to get back in the house. I start sweating. turning the key this way and that. to no avail. I'm starting to get a blister on my hand from trying to turn it hard. time passes. I look across the fence to a pool party going on next door and contemplate looking like an idiot explaining to the revelers how I've locked myself out of my house with a bad key. more attempts at turning. cursing myself for not having better finger strength. (lightbulb) my neighbors! I rush down to the parking lot to see which cars are there and figure out who is home. I go two doors down and knock. The very nice, 40+ gay man opens the door in his short paisley silk bathrobe and slippers.
"Hi - so I got this key made for my brother and I wanted to try it out and now I don't seem to be able to unlock my door and could you please help me because I have a party to go to and I'm not sure what to do and I really can't open the door and you're stronger than me and please thank you"
(all in one breath)
He shuffles over in his robe, tries the door. Still won't budge.
"Do you have any WD-40?" he asks me.
(now if I did, wouldn't is be IN THE APARTMENT WHICH I AM LOCKED OUT OF!)
"no" I say.
He shuffles back to his apartment and returns with some WD-40. He sprays. Turns the key. It opens.
choirs of angels sing. I rush back inside, finish getting ready and go to jessie's house for the party to begin. We eat appetizers then head downtown. First stop, Mezzaluna. We drink Bellini's. I'm sitting next to her friend jill who is very hilarious and frank. I learn about Jill's vibrator collection. I learn about Jill's current long-distance fling. I learn what Jill had for breakfast. But Jill is much fun. Then we go to the Red Fez. And damn if they don't make their drinks strong. I have been kicked on my ass now. (and that is a really cool place to go - I want to go back when it's less crowded). After the Red Fez, we head to Polly Ester's. (so bad - I know) and dance like it's 1980. I try some hair whips on the dance floor and only make myself dizzy. We dance. whee. I get progressively tired. I go home.
And wake up to my brother speaking Farsi (or is it Pharsi) to me.
"Salam, Stephanie blah blah blah blah"
what the fuck? (oh, so my brother's in-laws are from Iran and he thought it would be cute to speak another language as he woke up his hungover sister - real cute)
He's come in town to watch baseball and take me out. I just want to stay curled up on my bed but really wish someone would bring me my gatorade in the fridge.
He leaves to run errands and comes back to take me out to lunch.
"What do you want to eat," he says.
"soup - please"
We eat, he then offers to go buy me a present. We head to the bookstore. I buy that Ulysses companion book and a sci-fi novel called "Shadow of the Hegemon." Yes, I am a dork. Then my brother says
"Do you want ice cream?"
"Do you want to go get a snowball?"
"Do you need me to take you someplace?"
"Would you like to go to the park?"
"Do you have any errands you need to run?"
"Please, Daniel, just let me go home and take a nap for the love of God!"
And we go home. He turns on baseball, which is like sleeping with your eyes open, so we watch some of the Rangers game. Then some golf. Then he goes home and I get ready for my party. I'm wearing the pink leopard fuzzy-eared headband steph and nathan got me. I'm raring to go. Guests arrive. They bring gifts and liquor. We eat cheescake. A good time is had by all. The last guest leaves around 2am. I stare at dismay at my trashed apartment, do some light cleaning and fall into bed.
Oh, but the weekend is not over yet!
Sunday comes (happy father's day)- more cleaning.
I meet up with Jessie and her out of town guests and go to Barton Springs pool for a few hours. Trashy magazines are read. More gatorade is consumed. Then we go to the Oasis for dinner. Margaritas and fajitas and a beautiful sunset. Then I go home, attempt to finish my book club reading of Ulysses. Fall asleep. And the birth week extravanga ends (well, until I'm supposed to go out to dinner with the biscuit to celebrate again).

the end.

Sunday, June 17, 2001

It is too blasted hot to do anything. Ok, it's not even Boston hot here, and I'm actually thinking about bathing the dog because at least the water would be cool. We sent my brother off at the airport, and now I'm doing laundry and sorting through my boxes o' junk. I am so ready to get rid of stuff and start fresh.

Yesterday I went on a new baby visit - had to, my mother is tight with the grandparents and I went to school with two of the boys. L is the only girl in the family, living with her parents again. The new baby was fathered by the guy I lived with when I started college. He was a grade A #$%^* back then, and apparently hasn't changed much. L has been trying to leave him with variable amounts of success - this is, after all, their SECOND child together. Boggles the mind. The $*(^!!'s brother is married to a friend of L's, and she's expecting their third. Two women, one hugely pregnant, and four children between the ages of 1 week and 6 years. To think that it could have been my life too! Much as I enjoyed holding the newborn and playing with the kids, it's clear that L and K have done little with their lives outside of having babies. It's a damn shame - K is maybe 24, L is 20. They have brains, yet wound up pregnant - K got married only because she was pregnant. L was, at least, smart enough not to get married. What I can't figure out is how she couldn't be smart enough to get on Depo-Provera or Norplant, and so wound up pregnant AGAIN, by a bastard who made her miserable and beat the shit out of her. L and I hanging out, me holding her baby wasn't as weird as it could have been. She knows that I know better than anyone else what she's been through, and I'm the one who got away. To be holding that baby and seeing the other kids running around the house was like looking at what could have been my future. The entire direction of my life has been different because one morning I walked into the kitchen, called my sister, and left. She's gotten up and left too, but kept going back. I won't judge her or blame her. Knowing as much as I do, I can actually understand why. I almost feel responsible for the way things turned out, wondering if I could have done something that could have prevented these things from happening. If I had spoken out more, if I had prosecuted his ass, if if if. In the end, though, we all make our own choices. I chose to get away and lay low for a while. She chose to believe his side of the story. All the people around us who knew chose to do little or nothing, as far as I can tell. They did nothing for me. I am saddened but not surprised that the same happened for her. My mother and my sister have been doing what they can for her, my sister in particular living as the proof that you can shuck a bad relationship and get on with your life, kids and all. It is fucked up that I feel like I can't do more for L without making things worse for her. There might be a way, though. If I keep my ear to the tracks, maybe I'll be able to help her out without getting ourselves hurt or worse. I'm going to set aside some of my art supplies and have them sent on to her through my mother. It doesn't feel like much, but it feels like something, which is better than nothing.

ok, am waiting for Todd's pokey ass to get here, so now onto ethnicity. I concur that it is hard to have strong ties to being an Asian woman. And quite truthfully, I'm about as "white" as they come. It is completely unusual for me to hang out with a group of Asian people. So when I visit my cousins or my one or two lone Asian friends who happen to hang out out with other Asians on a regular basis, it is a huge adjustment for me.

I spent part of my college years trying to figure it out. Took Asian American history classes to figure out why I am what I am. I mean, on the exterior, I look as Asian as they come. But I have no accent and speak very little broken Chinese. It's a tough place to be in, as non-Asians generally saw you as Asians and the Chinese saw me as white.

In those classes I learned that I was not the only screwed up one having all of these weird feelings (leave it to me to read 10 plus novels to figure that shit out). I found that the hard part about not being able to identify with the Asian group is that we are all so very different. We all have similar physical characteristics, but that is where it ends. Memebers of each Asian group are distrusting and patronizing to other groups and what not. Not to mention the fact that Asians typically don't talk about their troubles. They fare better by ingoring what is/was there and just moving on. For example, I bet that if you took a survey across the U.S., only a handful of people would know that Japanese Americans were imprisoned in their own country and their belongings were confiscated during WWII. Or that the very first anti-immigrant law was against the Chinese.

I just don't think that Asians as a group will ever be as strong of a reckoning force as the Hispanics or the blacks or even the Native Americans. I dunno. Maybe I'm just too damn skeptical. I'm curious to hear what Upma and others have to say about this topic.

Oh yeah. I don't want anyone thinking that I am this man-hater on a husband hunt after that last post.

Geeze, guess that I am trying to spark all kinds of debates these days.

Weezie, do you know how so fucking cool you are?

Ok. First. The boy thing. I think you should trust your gut. Sounds like he's up to something, so he likely is. It's best to play it safe, when you in situations like the one you were in (had enough room in the car, had your newphew, etc.). Why in the hell did Erin give your shit to him anyways?????

In my experience, it has always been best to make a nice, clean break with anyone I've ever dated, and I have had sort of a convresation with Shelly on this. For the ones you've had a long-standing relationship with, and whom you've really cared about, you want the best for them and what makes them hapy but you really don't care to hear the details about how their romantic endeavors have panned out. For those that you were in short term gigs with, and they were just not so nice to you in the relationship, then why would they be a good friend? I dunno. I guess it would be different if I dated a nice guy who I just knew would be all wrong for me, but he was still respectful.

Would be interested to hear what others think, particularly the guys (not to put you on the post, just would like to hear your view point).

SF food update. Went to Sam Tung. They make their own noodles. Had scrumptious seafood noddles in a spicy peanut curry sauce, dried fried chicken with this oh so sweet but tangy orange sauce and these delectible pot stickers that just melted in your mouth upon touch. Today am supposed to eat Korean BBQ with my friend Todd, his wife and their child. Todd has a degree in political philosophy and economics. I actually know him through the ex, although I talk to Todd more frequently than he does. Dinner tonight at my my friend Phillip's house. Phillip and his wife Carol are token Mormons, and my friend Candace West, a divinity PHd. student at Stanford who happens to be agnostic, will be joining us. It will be a GREAT time. Tomorrow am meeting up with my friend Caroline whom I met about 3 years ago. We both were volunteering in Oakland, painting a house for abused women.

Yes, I do love the Bay Area. The weather has been absolutely beautiful. 80 degrees and sunny during the day. Was prefect for my stroll in the Japanese Tea Gardens in Golden Gate Park yesterday. Love the neighborhoods, and the non-corporate-chain mentality.Very laid-back.

Ok, need to get a bus map and to Mass. Will try to comment on the ethnic thing later I promise.

Oh yeah. A friend of mine checked on my apartment yesterday. They put in carpet yesterday afternoon. Whewhoo! I am no longer homeless!!!!!!!!

Saturday, June 16, 2001

I like the summit idea - planning to be in the Pac NW this fall anyway, to check out universities in Seattle and Portland. Once I get across the Pacific ocean, it all seems like just a hop, skip and a jump anywhere. Early fall would work best for me, seeing as I plan to be traveling then anyway, plus I'm broke AND owing money right now. I've already picked up some shifts cashiering at the co-op (I just can't escape that place), and I could actually pick up 40 hour weeks just filling in for people this summer. I'm thinking that might be a good idea. I'll be making money with the goals of eliminate debt and fund next trip, I'll be hanging with good friends, and keeping busy will keep me out of trouble. Which leads me to....

Move over, ladies. It's my turn to get on the Neurosis of the Heart bandwagon. 'Cause the last boyfriend I had freaked out and broke up with me last fall, and I got pretty bent out of shape over it. Well, I was already pretty bent out of shape, and the rest of that year involved further events that got me even more bent out of shape, but y'all knew that already. Socially this is a tangle. Mr_ used to live in a house run by _. _ was living in that house when I left. Apparently I left a box of my stuff with _ when I left, and when she moved, gave it to _ to hold onto. _ is now in NYC. Somehow, my stuff wound up with Mr , who then emailed me to let me know. At this point, I don't even remember leaving anything with _. So when I check my email and there's a message from him, I flinch. I email back saying please to leave at co-op and I'll just pick it up there. He emails back, gives me his home phone number, tells me I can just pick it up from his place.

Yesterday, I had wheels and was running errands in the area anyway, so called him and got voicemail. Dang. I had my nephew with me, time constraints, and space in the car - the perfect hi, thanks, gee gotta run combination. That man is still makes my heart beat way too fast for my health. I don't want to know why he's basically invited me to call him and go to his new digs. I'm also feeling paranoid because I'm getting a conspiracy amongst my friends feeling. _ left my sewing machine with Mr_ after I told her NOT to do so - managed to get that to change hands before I got home. _ _ drops a line about him in just about every email I get from him ("Everyone misses you back here!"). And now he somehow winds up with a mysterious box with my name on it. One more reason for me to leave the islands for a while.

Today is sort out my junk, make coconut sticky rice and mango, and make a thick, rich, meaty stew that I won't eat but my bro will love. He leaves tomorrow for two months of Cali - surfing, photo shoots, the works. I'll miss him, but if I can fix the oil leak in his ghetto-mobile, I'll have wheels while he's gone.

Angie Joe, I adore the Bay Area. More specifically, I adore food in the Bay Area. Details, woman! Don't just say pot stickers! Lush, specific, almost lewd details! I WANT TO KNOW! *kaff* Mm. Sorry. I may get worked up over a man, but nothing gets me as wild-eyed as a really good feed.

Greetings from the Bay Area. Ok, so my internet access is a lot better than what I had originally thought. My aunt and uncle have invested in a puter. Gotta love that. I swear, am so damn anal about checking my e-mail. Absolutely horrible. Oh well.

Anywho, a summit sounds like an awesome idea, Mike. The idea crossed my mind, but just hadn't had a chance to say much about it.This summer clearly sucks. Maybe early fall, before we start freezing our asses off in 30 degree weather (J/K, for you Yanks). Not sure where though. Seems like we are all pretty spread out, so we would want to do something in the middle ground -- maybe a Chicago? Or would we want to go to a place where most of us are located -- as in NC?

More later. Need to feed my tummy some pot stickres. Gawd, I LOVE food.

Shel, I'll try to get you a post card, but it may be generic. I want to get you something from the Castro, but not sure that I'll have time to get out there.

oh my god. you REALLY got to hang out with tara jane o'neill????? *WOW*
maybe i will move to boston. i wanna hang out with hot famous people.

Thursday, June 14, 2001

weezie, i think the issue you raise about claiming an ethnicity is really interesting. i have my own ideas/issues with ethnicity that i need to think about more thouroughly before commenting. i really need to mail you that package i promised so long ago with the article about objectification of asian girls and men with asian fetishes. i was going to send it to angie too and have a round table discussion. now you've "met" anyway. maybe i should make upma a copy as well? that was so many months before the blog idea. i really am terrible about actually getting things in the mail.

for the past week and a half i have been meaning to buy father's day cards and mail them. especially because the mother's day cards were late this year and the father's day cards didn't happen last year either. and my family gets a bit dramatic. i don't want sobbing calls from my mom and grandmother about my dad's hurt feelings, AGAIN this year. keep in mind that even last year i DID call dad and grandpa LONG DISTANCE to wish them happy father's day. but that wasn't enough. stupid made-up holidays. needless to say i forgot again this year and it is now nearly midnight on thursday.

yesterday was a REALLY frustrating day. i spent 6 hours back & forth on the bus trying to meet up with some people to critique my portfolio and had one miscommunication after another. today was a really good day. my soccer team lost which means we're out of the championship. we'll still advance up a level for next season.

mike,i'm starting to feel sane again. thanks for the pep talk.

steph, enjoy the rest of birthday week extravaganza.

zach, you'll arrive the 11th? and be here till...? i'm probably going to be working some of those weekdays but i'll point you in the right direction and we'll still have plenty of time to hang out. can you tune my guitar?

thad, how's the beautiful baby girl? i was telling my mom how pretty Grace is (from the picture zach sent). not puffy and red and and gross the way new babies usually look. my mom said that grace must take after her uncle. (i told her that from pictures you and zach look very much like brothers).

angie, upma, keep on truckin' girls.
angie, i want a postcard from SF.

Weezie, thanks for the nice note. wish I had time to comment, but today is my last day and just wanted to send you guys a quick note. will have LIMTED access to e-mail over the next week.

Steph/Upma, good luck with the boys.

Mike, lots of happy thoughts to your newly found singledom and your moving.

Zach, have an awesome time in Cali. Wish we could meet up but there will be a next time.

Shel, good talking to you today.

Sorry if I am forgetting anyone. Have a great week all! And you KNOW that I'll likely break down and go to Kinko's to pay for Internet access. Can't help but be neurotic about e-mail!!!!!

Angie Joe, I picked up the June/July issue of 'A' because the cover said "The Hapa Issue: Mixed-race Asians speak out" and "Does America Hate Asians?" and "How to Make Pearl Tea." After reading the entire magazine, I felt shortchanged until I reminded myself that hey, it's a magazine. Just another part of American mainstream culture that isn't for me. I like the idea, I like the idea that this magazine exists, even if it means that ethnic identity is still such a mess in the U.S. The issues that get raised are ones that I think need to be talked about, and I'd rather see the issues dealt with in more depth, but hey, it's a magazine. Yeah, it's bad that cops in L.A. include car culture in racial profiling - now let's look at women who don't eat wearing expensive little outfits! Aren't we being different by using Asian models and designers! I suppose it's too much for me to ask a magazine aimed at a minority group to try to really shake things up and use models who are not only "ethnic" but not that weirdly alien 6'/120lbs. The magazine is both too broad and too narrow for me. I am, however, planning to use the recipes for pearl tea.

It doesn't help that I prefer to leave my ethnicity unlabeled and unmeasured. I'd like to just leave it as [x] other and not get into it. I often feel that it's other people who want me to claim an identity so that they can lay claim to me or categorize me. The Pacific Northwest was especially interesting in that way - a lot of Native Americans wanted me to be one of them, smiling and greeting me and no-one else around me. At Maya's Tacqueria in PDX, the guys behind the counter don't want to believe I don't speak Spanish. I could follow a bit of what they said, but the little street Spanish I can speak is pretty rude, in all senses of the word. I think they thought I was just being stubborn or stuck-up by not using Spanish. That seems to be a typical reaction: not claiming a specific identity makes me stuck-up or a traitor. Maybe I should be flattered that people want me to belong to their group. Maybe I should learn better Spanish, even if I have only a trace of Hispanic. Maybe I should be the one who smiles first instead of the one who smiles back. Maybe it's time I started my own dang 'zine to air out the issues I'm interested in.

Weezie, do you like "A" magazine? I think I've thumbed through it once a long time ago, but don't have any last impressions. The last time I saw it was when "Snow Falling on Cedars" first came out.

Sorry to be such the complainer lately, but I've passed many a shitty time. The latest? My mom was in town for an entire week, didn't help me at all. My dad came into town late Tuesday night, picked up my mom, and they were headed home by Wed. afternoon. I get a call from them while they are more half way to New Orleans telling me that "they are worried about me and my stuff." Must be really worried, as they couldn't haul their asses fast enough home.

Anyways, I hope that by the time I get home tonight that my carpet is in place.

Mike, I feel your pain. I had to take down all of the stuff from my bookshelves and put them in big piles on my kitchen floor.

Still staying at my friend Christine's. What is nice is that she is out of town all this week, so I have her place to myself. I'm not much of a TV person, but she has cable, and I am loving it.

My last day is today. Exit interview was yesterday. Was honest but I didn't rat anyone out.

I'll have LIMITED access to e-mail over the next week or so, although I'll probably break down and go to Kinko's, being as neurotic as I am about e-mail.

Wednesday, June 13, 2001

Standing in line at Powell's City of Books after a failed attempt to attend an Irvine Welsh reading, holding a copy of 'A' magazine, a handful of funky postcards, and a copy of "I Was A Teenage Dominatrix," it occurred to me...why don't I live in Portland already? I think it has to do with the idea that it would just be too easy. Upma, the boys in Portland are cuuuuute!

Back home in Hawai'i and sweating like crazy. My mother keeps turning the fan off for whatever crazed reason.

i suppose Boston could be a contender. and Seattle too. i mean... like i've said before... any place really. just so long as:
1. i have pre-existing friends there and
2. i get a job with lots of money and enough spare time.
those are really the only two things i'm concerned about at this point.

last night, i cooked dinner for my friend giselle, (tandoori chicken, YUM!) she is one of my favoritest people in the world. and then some people who hadn’t seen my thesis film yet came over to see that… that was kinda nice.

Tuesday, June 12, 2001

Upma - come to Austin. That would kick much ass. And I know all the places to buy pinatas here.

My landlord left a message on my machine. My carpet could potentially be replaced as early as Thursday morning. Life is still good after all. Whewhoo!

Upma, it's ok to be selfish and stupid some of the time. What about Boston?

Steph, wish I could be there to bring in the fun, but I will be on my way to the Bay Area. Whewhoo!

Found out Willie Nelson will be here in August.

Has anyone ever heard that song "The Clean Up Woman"? It is funny and makes me laugh.

i've decided that i'm moving to NYC, Philly or Austin in the next 14-20 months.

what about seattle?

Angie Joe - buy a pinata. You will feel much better (especially if you fill it with the things only you like).

Birthday extravaganza plans:
wed. night - girl drinking at a cool bar by Lake Austin with some friends who will be out of town for the real party
thursday afternoon - getting taken out for lunch by work people
thurs. night - (the actual birthday) getting gussied up for dinner with my closest buds in austin
fri. night - tapas at a friend's house, out for dinner, then drinks, then dancing
sat. afternoon - my brother's coming to town to take me out for lunch
sat. night - throwing a housewarming/birthday party at my new place (you're all invited).
sun. afternoon - playing with new presents
Yes, I am four years old. But I can't wait. This week is going to be so much fun. I'm going to the mall at lunch today to buy myself a new party worthy outfit. A birthday tradition I always keep for myself.
Not sure which of these events to invite the biscuit to. I'm kind of playing it safe, so maybe just the big party.

Steph, what are some of the festivities that you have planned?

Ok, so I really feel like running into the street and just screaming "BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" like a ranting mad woman. Just got off the phone with my landlord, and it will probably be a MONTH before I will have carpeting in my house. That means that I have to live out of a suite case and on bare concrete floors for 30 days or more. I'm tempted to go out and buy sidewalk chalk so that I can draw pretty daisies and happy faces and sunshines.

Am just annoyed, annoyed, annoyed, annoyed, annoyed, annoyed. If you haven't guessed, I am very much a control freak (not controling others, just me and my life). And I have such mass chaos going on. Quitting my first ever real job, starting a new one, dealing with stupid ass family members and then coming to terms about a guy who I can't just seem to write off as an ass, because I just don't want to believe it. It really is easier to write off the ones who are the shits, because you know they are no good. Anyways, I digress.

So I am supposed to feel "blessed" about how I am not as bad off as others. But at this point, it would be just the same it seems. Hell, maybe I am the one that needs the damn pinata!!!!!

Ok. Gotta end on a happy note. I have three more days at this joint, and I have three lunch dates with different friends in the office. Today is sushi at my favorite place in the world.

Oh, Upma - I'm so sorry it didn't work out. You are not the stupid one. He is for not realizing he'd be a lucky bastard to even get a chance to go out with you. But at least it was a little fun (maybe) while it lasted. Have a good time with your pinata. Until just recently I had the head of an old pinata (an elephant it was) on my bookshelf like a hunter's trophy, and a reminder of what happens when you date boys who work at record stores.
Angie Joe - I'm glad you're okay. Those flood pictures I kept seeing were unreal. At least with a background in New Orleans, you're used to floods.
Okay, two people at work are out so I need to try and be three people. On a good note, it's my birthday on Thursday and I'm trying to not just celebrate a birthDAY but more like a birthWEEK. The festivities begin tomorrow.

Monday, June 11, 2001

so. it's defintely pinata time.

Angie Joe, YOW! Glad to hear all is okay now. All the news coverage I have seen here has been about the parade.

Looks like I will be heading home either tomorrow or Wednesday. My bank account is in the two digits now and getting a flight home is either now or in three weeks.

saw Evolution with zach and evan and rash last night. it was actually pretty good. what am i gonna do w/o zach for a whole month? :-(
angie joe, i had NO idea that there was all that flooding going on down there. i've been in my own selfish world all weekend. i'm glad you're ok. you're right... you have your health... that's the most important thing. everything else is material. mostly. you don't always have to be the "rock." we're all here for you, you know. *hugs*

Well, I made it through the "flood of a lifetime." It has been un-real to say the least. Most of the medical center lost power. Many, many homes were flooded earlier in the week and then re-flooded over the weekend.

I went out on Friday night, and when I came back home around 11:30, I saw that my street was flooded so I decided to park in a bank parking lot literally 10 feet away from my normal parking spot. My car was fine, but others were not so lucky. The complex across the street from me had 8 to 12 inches of rain INSIDE of their apartments.

As far as my place, I didn't even realize that I had damage until I woke up Sat. morning, I got out of my bed, and when I put my feet on the floor, I realized my entire carpet was SOAKED. The only things that were ruined were papers, a handful of books and a few pictures were wet but salvagable. My furniture was fine, my health is still good and I'm in realatively good spirits considering.

The worst part, believe it or not, was dealing with my family. The first thing I did on Saturday morning was called my aunt to ask her to please come and help me (note: I RARELY ask for help, so when I do, you know I need it). She told me that she wasn't coming to my place because the streets were flooded (which there were, but I know for a fact that she could have found a way if she tried). Throughout the hours that I was going through my stuff, trying to figure out my head from my ass, she would call me every 20 minutes, asking me if I turned on the TV to see the traffic updates. Well, no, considering the fact that I was in ankle deep water. She went so far as to tell me that I was (verbatim) "shit out of luck" and that there was "no way in hell" that she was coming out to my place. The last time I spoke to her, I was about to walk out of the door. Here's the conversation:

Me: I'm walking out of the door.
Her: Where are you going?
Me: To Christine's.
Her: Why, so you don't have to sleep ALONE tonight? . . . . .
Me: Well, to be quite honest, I have NO choice in the matter. The carpets are completely ripped out. Everything I own is either in my car, in my bath tub or piled onto my bed.
Her: Oh. How are you getting there?
Me: Driving.
Her: What about the roads?
Me: Well, Christine managed to get through to help me go through my stuff, so I would imagine that I could get to her house.
Her: Oh, she came to help you?

I cannot tell you how livid I was. I just was so angry that she could find amusement in MY misfortune, after I had gone out of my way to help her all last week after her surgery.

And let me just tell you how much I love all of my friends. I had people calling me from all over, offering to drive down to help me take care of my shit, or just to provide moral support. Sometimes, I just get so TIRED of being the "rock" or the one who is being strong. So it is nice every now and then to have someome take over the reigns. Does that make any sense whatsoever?

Time to postpone pinata buying. Things seem to be back on with the boy. We hung out Friday and had the just what is going on talk. And I feel much better now. Still apprensive that he's going to flake once again like the biscuit that he is. But slightly hopeful for a better outcome.

Friday, June 08, 2001

Zach, a warm salt-water gargle is perfect for removing food bits. My dentist explained the scientific properties which I don't remember but had something to do with density and ions. Anyway, rinse warm salt water around the affected area gently. I don't think I need to tell you to spit.

Went to a show last night that drew a crowd of maybe 20 people. Missed the first band, loved the second band (The Greenhornes) and the third band, Distracted, is the one Erin's brother plays guitar for. Caught a number from band #4, dropt. I still have a headache. The Greenhornes are not only very good, they have great hair. Shelly, they'll be at Sit & Spin in Seattle on Saturday. If you feel like mod-garage, check it out. The bass player for dropt is really, really good, not just on bass but with vocals. Unfortunately my taste for hardcore has waned. Erin hero-worships Ario and thinks he's a rock star, so I'll just say that about Distracted. Ario plays guitar for distracted and his sister thinks he's the ultimate rock star.

Small world syndrome: At the show, I spotted a female impersonator who I last saw in a drag show in Honolulu. I was wondering what the hell she was doing there - I hope it wasn't for the sailors. Speaking of which, I watched two sailors and two women at the next table slowly establish contact. When I left at 1:30 a.m., one of the girls was drawing a map for the sailors on a menu.

Erin is deeply in magical happy love right now, and I feel like crap for getting a little fed up last night with all her gushing over just how awesome he is and how wonderful she feels etc etc etc. I was so tired and just wanted to brush my teeth and go to sleep and quite frankly, hearing all about how wonderful being in love is does not make me feel great about being single. I fell asleep while she was talking to me, and she seemed a little peeved about it this morning.

I was reading the weekly a couple of days ago, reading my favorites out loud to Erin. She thinks I should answer a couple, just for the hell of it, since I'll be leaving soon anyway. I'll post a couple of my favorites.

On the topic of personal ads, I have never wanted to place one, and I have no idea what I'd put in the ad. I have had the thought that it sounds like we all need some warm fuzzies. What if we wrote personal ads for each other and compiled them into a little warm fuzzies 'zine? I'd be happy to do the cut/paste/xerox, except it would have to wait until I get back home, whenever that is.

Wow, incredible posts all. Really amazing.

My boy situation is as screwy as ever, but I don't feel like thinking about it any more. Stick a fork in me, 'cause I'm done . . .

Weezie: Giiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrrrrrl, where did you learn how to write the way you do?????

Shelly, I've actually heard that the music scene in Portland is better than Seattle's, because Seattle has become sort of a snob with music because they are so many musicians up there. Portland, according to my source, has more of an open arms policy. And I hear that Portland keeps the "growth" reigns tight by having really strict zoning laws and city limits.

Sorry that I don't have any inspiring jokes to share. But I do have a family funny that you could appreciate, similar to the Yoplait story (I think I've told y'all that one). Ok. So this involves two of the three unmarried "maiden" aunts that I have. The one in New Orleans (Peggy) had a hysterctemy about 3 to 6 months ago, and the one in Houston (Tinnie) had one about three weeks ago (same one I've been taking care of all last week). They discovered that about my trip to San Francisco, where I'll be staying with their brother and sister-in-law (Annie). That's the background.

So, I get to Tinnie's house last Saturday, and she is on the phone with Annie. They start asking me about where I'll go, who I'll visit, etc. You know, a normal conversation. But nothing with my family is EVER normal, so I was waiting. And sure enough, Tinnie was the culprit. Here's a recap of the conversation (with Annie on the phone):
Tinnie: I was wondering if you could bring something to Annie for me.
Me: What do you want me to bring?
Tinnie: Oh just a little something. I'll pack it and everything. You just have to bring it.
Me: Tinnie, I'm not going to agree to bring something unless you tell me what it is.
Tinnie: Oh Angie, it's just a little box.
Me: No, you have to tell me what you want me to bring before I even consider agreeing to it.
Tinnie: (big sigh). I want you to bring some tampons and Kotex (unused) to Annie since I can't use them any more.
Me: Absoultely the hell not.
Tinnie: Why not?
Me: How screwed up is that? Let me count the ways. . . .

Keep in mind that I am normally NOT this abrassive, but some people "need" this kind of treatment -- otherwise they'll walk all over you. But there's more. My mom came in town from New Orleans this week, and Peggy was going to send HER feminine products to give to Tinnie to send with me to give to Annie. AND, two nights ago, Tinnie tried to get my mom to ask me (as if that would change anything). Then Tinnie starts talking about how Annie says that it shouldn't be a problem if Tinnie packs it in a carry on suite case that rolls. As if Annie is the voice of reason. What the fuck is that?

Growing up, I used to always fear that I would turn into one of my screwed up aunts. But I don't think that I could, even if I tried hard.

Thursday, June 07, 2001

i just squirted lukewarm tap water into the sockets where my teeth used to be. I did this so the little bits of french fries (which I should not have eaten) won't get rotty and infect my tooth hole. Boy, I'm not enjoying this.

My brother and I share a favorite joke. Here it is...

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, why the long face?"


flattery will get you everywhere. girl. i'm totally speechless. thank you. (i think i'm going to go cry now).

angie, thank you.
all. great jokes. thank you. they made me laugh.

i feel childish... things aren't as bad as i seem to make it sound...

huh. that makes it sound like there has been a lot going on.

Two penguins were taking a bath and one of the penguins says "hey..pass the soap" and the other penguin looks at the first and says "what do i look like?.. a toaster oven?"

two penguins were on an iceberg one day when it split in half with each penguin on a seperate chunk of ice. as the two drifted apart one of the penguin yelled "i guess this is goodbye..." after a short pause the other penguin yelled "chocolate milk!"

ask me if i'm a truck.

hi. i haven't had much to say. mike came to visit. it was tons of fun. i've been busy since but not on anything of note. i watched so many talk shows about bad teen girls and their sexy ways that i decided i had to read lolita even though last time a few chapters in i threw it across the room in disgust.
i'm obsessing over something embarassing and probably irrelevant which i can't discuss just yet.
i applied for a few permanent jobs. i might actually want one of them. i won't hear anything about it until july.
the rundown of the past four weeks: mike visited. went to a baseball game. i voted for allstars with names all ending in z. we had an excellent party except for the guy that we didn't know who wouldn't leave. went to the dentist. went to the nw folklife festival and watched people dance and dance. i wish i wasn't shy and i wish i didn't get hit on. soaked in a hot tub in the rain until five in the morning. went to a bonfire party by mount ranier where last year they exploded couches. went to the science center to look at the huge bugs. hung out with zanetka talking about art and eating ice cream till her cats (or maybe the art) made my eyes start to swell. my soccer team is on the cusp of making it to the championship.

all this love angst makes me uneasy. good luck to you all. i know you'll make it through. i have no sage advice.

my sister just got her wisdom teeth out. zach, you make me glad i've ignored the advice of my dentist for the past 8 years.

i've got to meet upma in person. louise, will you write a personals ad for me?

portland was charming and powells is amazing but i couldn't find anything to do in portland on a weekend night. maybe portland is like seattle in the winter (that is when i was there). here in the winter everyone stays home and drinks and reads or watches movies. i'll have to go back now that it is summer.

the summer solstice parade and naked bike riders coming soon! party to meet my friend hakan's mom from turkey this week. i have a weekend in the eastern part of the state coming up where i may learn fly fishing. i may go to new orleans at the end of july for my mom's birthday and the bridal shower of a friend since 6th grade. eek! one of my friends may be pregnant, again. i have to buy plane tickets to atlanta in september, and new orleans in november and december. i want to go to california to visit my friends in hollywood and journey to their timeshare in mexico. i still haven't been to british columbia, only hours away. i don't have money for any of this.

i have been painting. that makes me happy.

Why was Cinderella bad at football? Because she kept running away from the ball.

Angie Joe, once again, excellent advice. Portland is GREAT. Bit more history than Seattle, not nearly as grimy and overpriced as SF. Traffic? Well, native Portlanders sigh about the traffic. I keep trying to find it. Powell's is just a couple of (small) city blocks away from my friend's 1920's apartment building. Walked into Powell's and just about passed out. I've purchased a few hundred dollars worth of books online from them, so this was sort of like a pilgrimage. By all means, visit Portland. Very walkable, the new light rail (MAX) looks like a cartoon, good food and good happenings. Erin describes Portland as having a lot of love to give. It won't be "undiscovered" for long - it's one of the fastest growing cities in the US right now.

Steph, the pinata idea is brilliant.

Mike, got my fingers crossed for you.

Zach, I've had two wisdom teeth pulled. Painkillers? What painkillers? All I can take is Tylenol anyway. Plus it's fun to spit blood in front of your housemates.

JT, I'm kicking myself for being on the other side of the continent.

Upma, I don't know any jokes worth telling, so I'm just going to have to tell everyone about your eyes.

Upma has the sort of eyes that send poets into a tizzy and inspire long wailing songs. The poets wander the streets, dizzy, gnashing their teeth over the inadequacy of metaphor. Velvet is too coarse, espresso not rich enough, chocolate has been defeated, the night sky is too there anything else in existence with that same flawless curve as her eyelids? Ancient bows crafted by masters look clumsy in comparison. Cosmetic companies have teams of scientists failing to provide an artificial means of duplicating lashes as lush of...[again the poets stammer and blush and storm off]. Painters take up brushes which then fall from their fingers. They gazed too long into her eyes and fell in. It's okay, they don't mind, please hook them up to an IV drip.

Three guys walk into a bar. The fourth guy ducks.

Weezie, what are your thoughts on Portland? I have never been, but it is on my list of places to visit. I hear that it is the "undiscovered" San Francisco/Seattle -- all the coolness without all of the crowds. Have you ever been to Powell's? I even did some research on the city because I thought about moving there.

Upma, you should try to immerse yourself into something completely unrelated to Elvis/your ex/crushes. Take a leisure class. Start reading a book you've always wanted to read but never had the chance. Take a quick weekend trip somewhere. Call a friend you haven't talked to in a while, but don't mention the boy situation (it will force you to focus on other things in your life). Read your "feel good journal." Get a manicure/pedicure. Teach Tucker a new trick. Volunteer at the Battered Women's Shelter. Write a letter to a friend/relative, just letting them know that you have been thinking about them. I know, all of this is easier said than done, but baby steps will move you along the way.

Five days to freedom. I feel sorry for all of the people I am leaving behind, but I know that they would do the same if the opportunity presented itself.