Monday, October 31, 2005

I'm not sure when I posted last. It's been a long, long time. For a while, I wasn't feeling very reflective. My life has been steadily improving for a few years now, which is really good. But, it doesn't inspire as much introspection. My situation, as it stands today, is this: I live by myself now, on Wright Ave - still in Greensboro. I work at Edward McKay bookstore. I worked my last shift at Gate City Noise, the record store, last week. Andrew is moving his shop downtown and I'm too busy to volunteer after the move. Working at that store hasn't been fun for over a year. A dying business is a sad thing.

My rock band is running in low gear at the moment. Our drummer is overseas again, so we're playing with a new guy - Marc, ex of Softward. I'd like to say that we're still having a lot of fun with it, but honestly, I think we're getting really burned out on all of the old songs, and the new ones are slooow in coming. I wish I had a good explaination for why, but I don't. I don't have much fear of the band breaking up though. We just have to pough through the slow times.

I got sucked into an emotional scene with a girl about this time last year. It played out really slow, and then blew up at the beginning of the summer. The blow up was my fault and I take responsiblity for it. The whole scene was lame. But, divorcing myself from it gave me some time to get perspective on a bunch of things. I started thinking about how you can't apply external solutions to internal problems. So, I decided to find a way to get to where I'd like to be. I know these things about myself: I'm lazy, I'm unhealthy physically, I'm afraid of being lonely, I'm unsure of my ability to follow through when time comes.

While all of this was happening in my head, I got into another thing. I started reading about the Appalachan Trail. Basically the AT is a footpath that runs from Georgia to Maine. Every year thousands of people walk all or part of it. The people that walk all of it in a single season take about six months out of their lives to do it. In 2006, I'm going to hike the AT.

A lot of things are still up in the air about it. Money is the biggest concern. I'll need close to $3000 dollars and I don't have anything like that now. But, I feel like I can do it. The whole thing is really exciting. And incredibly scary. It hits at almost all of my biggest fears. I'll be hiking southbound, which means more alone time. The physical labor of it is intense. Especially in the first months. The dropout rate is high. Only about 10% of thruhikers finish the hike. I can't imagine that I won't make it if I start. I've got to keep that attitude. Most of the literature I've read about the trail says that it changes your life - that you're a new man when you step off of it. But, I'm trying to be a new man before a step onto it. And to that end, I'm looking on the bright side of things. I'm pretty close to happy these days.

A few months ago, I made some moves to apologize to the girl. We're friends, which is harder for me than it is for her, but it's working out. In a weird irony, that I'll spare you the details of, I'm actually leaving town (for the hike) before she's leaving for grad school. It's load off my mind that I'll be walking while she's packing.

I've got a long walk to do in the morning, so I'd better be off. Shelly, I'd love to hear more about what's happening with your family, if you're up for talking about it.

Goodnight.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Not only did I know who was playing in the World Series this year, I actually saw a bit of one of the games (theone that went into overtime) while it was on in the Wok & Grill. After working 12 hours, I wolfed down combination fried rice, and joined the banter. Mike, Angie, you would have been proud. "That pitch was SO outside even the catcher couldn't frame it!"