Friday, February 28, 2003

I guess my friends know of some of you individually. Especially the one's they've met (Shelly, Mike, Kainui and, of course, Upma). But I don't think too many people are aware of the group. I haven't purposefully hidden it or anything. It just usually comes up as "my friend Shelly said..." or "my friend Angie did..."

thank you all for your well wishes, it really means a lot. i feel pretty loved and not so alone in this big, terrible world. i'm not quite up to par mentally, but i'm fighting. i can't imagine what anyone with bipolar or borderline or schitzoid brains have to go through... the every once in a while fight to stay out of depression is pretty taxing.

i have friends that know about lake effect. i don't think anyone knows the link or reads it. but i talk about you all, all the time. i think my real time friends think it's weird that i have a group of internet based friends to whom i feel so close. maybe they're jealous that they don't have any blogmates. or maybe they think you're all imaginary...

Upma, I'm so glad you are safe and in a new home.

Ode to my friends (who know about lakeeffect, but aren't in lakeeffect)
In the form of an Acrostic.

Unruly friend that I am,
Rambling on about something called
Lakeeffect wouldn't be unexpected,
Hardly, my real-time, real-world loved ones.
That it's hard to describe a virtual relationship
Talking or typing with
People who occasionally use emoticons like
: ) or ; ) and must use the character stroke
/ to fulfill a pathname, a link, I know you forgive my convoluted explanations.
/ = the way the tower in piza
Leans if you are facing north.
Architectural structures of my life, dear friends,
Keep in mind how much I would love to tell
Every one of you about the
E that follows the E, the
F that follows the
F (spelling like the goose in charlotte's web),
Effectively my favorite part about one secret I don't tell you.
Closely gaurded, a universal resource locator.
That's the up and down of it
. (period)
Babbling on about some
Long lost
Or "internet friends," I sometimes feel
Guilty leaving out the history, the
Stories, the people, the influence of this connection.
Projecting its impact would frighten even you, guardian angels. I
Often speculate, have I fallen victim
To the technological leap of the
. (dot) com era, the way that others were made lame by
Cars, or hypnotized by un-interactive TV? If
Only they could hold my hand like you do, physical ones,
Meeting you with them might be easier to do.

Most of my friends know about you guys, too, but it's hard to explain to them how active the LE crew is in my every day life. It's just weird to those who have never experienced it. In the same way that it is weird when oh say, one of your friends starts dating a new girl who's clearly never had a good male friend in her life, so she doesn't get that you and her beau can be good friends without wanting to fuck the shit out each other. Sorry, just relieving some bad feelings there, they slip out every now and then. Not to mention that I had a shittier than shitty day yesterday. Am hoping that things will be better this weekend, beginning with my hair cut and brow and lip wax.

I stay away from titles, though I refer to my crushes as "friend boys."

Upma, be glad that you were not in your apartment when the shit went down. Good that you decided to move out, too. Having your apartment broken into is one of the most tramatic things to experience.

lots of my offline friends know about the lake effect crew. i talk about ya'll a lot. some of them know that our friendship is primarily internet based. some don't. none have the webste address.

Oh, Upma. I'm so sorry to hear about that. It's just terrible.

Thursday, February 27, 2003

last week on wednesday i was supposed to teach class. i couldn't get my car out of the 2 feet of snow, so i gave up trying and went back home upset that i was going to have to miss my own class. an hour later, i call maria to see if i may go over to her house to use her printer. we were asked to lecture to a friends class the next night, so we went out for a quick bite to eat and discussed the game plan for the next night. i got home at 10:30 to discover that my place had been broken into. my stuff was everywhere-- the apartment completely trashed. they took all my camera equipment, a fancy faux fur coat, my wallet, my cellphone, and my passport. my mother came up the next morning.
today i moved into my new apartment. it's in a much nicer building, in a much nicer neighborhood, with a much nicer landlord.

tucker just broke the only birthday gift i got this year.

Mike, I think just my ex-roommate knows about Lake Effect as a blog. There are people who know that I keep in touch with a specific group via the internet, but that's about it. Same as when I kept up with Shelly, JT and Zach through group emails. It's not something that comes up in conversation. I might say that I'm going to be in Seattle visiting a friend of mine, but I don't go into how I met Shelly several years ago through emailing. Just doesn't seem relevant. What about your friends, Mr F?

How does one determine if a relationship has progressed to the point where the labels of "girlfriend" or "boyfriend" (in whatever combination) are used? I don't like "girlfriend/boyfriend" but I have yet to come up with a suitable shorthand to explain a relationship (why do people get upset when the sig. other introduces them as a friend?), and I'm still not really thrilled with having to define a relationship. How does one explain, say, having a wife who lives far away with her baby and the father of the baby?

odes to the six left over valentine candy conversation hearts
"Romeo" is pink
"Moonbeam" glowing white
"My girl" is green
"Thank you" and "Lover Boy," both white confections pressed with pink type
"URA star" shines in purple

you were left in the bowl like the tea leaves at the bottom of the cup
to tell me something?
so many possible combinations of your sweet sweet poetry
a factorial of 6

below my favorite
then eight more sequences of meaning pulled from a hat
seven hundred and eleven others remain a mystery

Thank you, Lover Boy.
My girl Romeo, URA star.
-Moonbeam

Lover Boy, Romeo, Thank you.
URA star, my girl moonbeam.

Romeo, my girl lover boy,
Moonbeam URA star.
Thank you.

My girl, thank you, Lover Boy
URA star.
Moonbeam Romeo.

URA star, my girl moonbeam
Thank you, Romeo.
-Lover Boy

Lover Boy, URA star, my girl.
Thank you, Romeo.
-Moonbeam

Thank you, Lover Boy.
URA star, Romeo
My girl Moonbeam

URA star, Romeo Moonbeam.
Thank you, Lover Boy,
My girl

Lover Boy, URA star, my girl
Moonbeam Romeo
Thank you

Wednesday, February 26, 2003

Dear Diary,

So people write songs about
cars
bald eagles
girlfriends
smoking weed
rock and roll

I write songs about
natural disasters
remorseful criminals

Today I wrote a song about a guy on trial for some hedious crime (unspecified), but the main thing on his mind is talking the judge into fixing his mother's parking tickets.

Some people eat
vegetables
sauces
burritos
pizzas

I eat
food made by Sharon at Cup A Joe
Kraft's Macaroni and Cheese

Today I ate Macaroni and Cheese twice. Somewhere on the inside I hear weeping.

Some people have
girlfriends
ex-girlfriends
one night stands with ordained ministers
one night stands with (possible) strippers

I have
crushes
former crushes
tragic crushes

Today I worked on my game. I figure that if I can smoothly make it through the first one-on-one convo, I'm good.

Some people worry about
bills

On this we meet.

---

well, well, well

Ode to Jelly Bracelets (10 black, 5 burgundy, 6 glow in the dark lavender)

Tender Jelly Bracelets,
you know too well the game we play.
I bought you at a Hot Topic with my brother
while I was at home for the holiday vacation.
It was almost the new year and my wrist was naked.
The cashier was delighted by my choice,
the combination of you.
I made these rules for you
sweet bracelets, that I will wear you
until you fall off, or until someone asks me
to give you away to them.
I know these pronouns confuse you,
luscious stretchy rings that you are,
but trust me, it means love (that thing we are all becoming).
On new year's eve, Chris Fritton asked for two of the black,
In late January, Jeff requested one burgundy.
Simple jellies, they could not be refused.
I can't predict how long we'll last together,
how well we'll withstand the rough swims,
our time in limitted sunlight, the desires of the masses
(strangers and friends among them).
But I'll remember the air you held onto when I bathed (tiny bubbles inside),
the extra seconds to dry the skin beneath you,
the warm glow when the lights dim in the concert hall.
I'm nostalgic for you already, little bendy ones,
but so are they all.
People see you now and only vaguely remember the
giant lexicon of style you represent.
In youth, at the school clinic, the nurse would check
my pulse by placing two fingers on my wrist.
Silly senuous things, now you keep such subtle track
of my confounded circulation.
Though I have no real reason, no rare occasion,
no questions to ask,
still I raise my hand
and we rise above, jelly bracelets,
we rise above.

if you have aluminum frame windows you're not going to get rid of the condensation problem. it conducts heat and cold too well. but if you prove me wrong, please tell me how you did it. my windows are a fog from october to april.

The bill is increasing because its getting colder. You have to figure that the bill you just got is for January, the coldest month of the year, typically. When it gets colder, the furnace runs more. The weatherproofing is probably helping a ton. If we could get our house re-proofed, our bill would likely drop some, too.

Dampness is a problem we've never had to deal with.

Z, all I know is, my friends all have heating bills way higher than mine for houses of a similar size. I've tried leaving it at 60 - 65, but I still don't get why the usage on my bill keeps increasing, especially after all the weatherproofing I installed. Any suggestions as to what to do about the damp? The dehumidifier is out of commission and I can't find a replacement (everyone is selling humidifiers), and the landlord is in complete denial about how a cinderblock house with standing water under it could be damp in the dead of winter ("The central air should have taken care of that." Well, it didn't.). Here's what I've been told: Turn the heat up to at least 70 and leave it there for a week. Tried it, still had condensation on the inside of the windows. Open a window in each room a crack for a few hours. Helps, but only if the humidity outside is down, and it's been high lately, not to mention about 15 -30 degrees. There are containers of dessicant in all the closets and I rotate one through all the cabinets, which has eliminated weird smells and mildew, but I get the impression that I'd need a kiddie-pool sized container to get the house in general dry.

Now I need to fix the tiles in the shower, which the landlord was going to take care of before last summer (the grout is almost gone from a bunch of them, which is Very Bad). I'm thinking I'll deduct not only the cost of supplies but $30/hour for labor from my rent. I'm so glad I'm moving out of this house.

Weez - You're screwing yourself by turning your heat down when you leave. If you leave it at 60, and the house temperature dips to 58, your furnace kicks on for a minute to push it back to 60. If you left you house cool to 50 while you're gone, then the bastard thing while run non-stop for an hour and a half trying to make it back to 60. And that takes a lot of juice, power, oil, whatever. The only difference turning it up to just 60 makes is you manage to pay the same for heat as if you were comfortable, without ever actually being comfortable. Your bill will definately benefit from you leaving the temp alone. Take it from someone who grew up where it gets cold. (NC winter temperatures hover in the 30s. Not exactly Buffalo, but still pretty cold.) Why didn't you trust your Indiana friends on this?

Tuesday, February 25, 2003

this morning found me dreaming of a tiny house maybe in new orleans, where i was standing out next to the fence partially made of a clothesline with flapping sheets. i was staring out at the neighborhood which seemed a little dangerous.
this evening i woke froma nap dream which is supposed to symbolize that money is coming. boy, i hope that one is right.
played on the swingsets at the playground with mary during lunch today. then i had a lovely evening cathcing up with gerry, my bus stop friend. i came home and felt all nappy and cocoonish. i woke up from that and now it is nearly bedtime again.

This morning it was -2 but I didn't notice. I seem to be acclimating, which may be related to my cold little house. My latest heating bill is the biggest so far this winter, leading me to believe that the best way to save is to turn it down to 50 when I leave the house. Lots of people say that I shouldn't because then the furnace has to labor when I turn it up, but I don't think all of them realize that I turn it up to 60.

Zach, I take it spring has reached Greensboro.

Tomorrow morning I do my part for the Virtual March (I'll be writing a letter to Senator Lugar instead of calling, as recommended - apparently he tends to regard things like this as "heckling." Need I point out he's in favor of bombing the crap out of Iraq?). Then I'll make a couple of skirts from jeans acquired in a naked lady swap and embellish them with vintage fabrics and felt acquired in online swapping. Don't eat the dandelions, dude. I'm going 21st century hippie, celebrating with green tea and a chocolate bar (both organic and fair trade certified, of course).

JT, I haven't even seen your pink hat, but I love it already. I used to be so anti-pink, but it's growing on me. I have pink flannel PJ's and two pink shirts, one of them is all pink with flowers. Angie as a girlie girl is such a funny thought.

Shelly when I do ever make it up there again, I'm gonna have to cook some soul food. One of my co-workers told me that I cook like an old black woman. That was the highest compliment anyone's ever attributed to my cooking skills. Most recently I made a brisket. It was yum, but the problem with briskets is that they take so much though. You have to marinade it the night before then be prepared to cook it in the over for a minimum of three hours. My brisket though is not your typical Texas brisket. I used spicy soy sauce, BBQ sauce, red wine, Tobasco, garlic, a bunch of seasoning.

Have any of you tried Reeses' Fast Break? It is some yum, milk chocolate/peanut butter soft nougats. Hmmmmm. I love me some food. Which leads me to trying to find snacks that aren't so bad for you. I'm getting tired of fruit, nuts, yogurt, rice cakes and pretzels. Everything is so freakin' laden with sugar (except for those choc peanut butter nougats of course).

Giddy, giddy snow day. We are under winter storm watch and work has been postponed - maybe cancelled. Hee hee. I plan on playing around in photoshop, working on some of the images I scanned in for websiteness. And my fridge is stocked and my plants are covered and sing-song, ding-dong day.

Monday, February 24, 2003

Dear Diary,

Ooooooh, yeah, ooh, yeah
Everythin', everythin', everythin's gonna be alright this mornin'
Ooh yeah, whoa
Now when I was a young boy, at the age of five
My mother said I was gonna be the greatest man alive
But now I'm a man, way past 21
Want you to believe me baby,
I had lot's of fun
I'm a man
I spell mmm, aaa child, nnn
That represents man
No B, O child, Y
That mean mannish boy
I'm a man
I'm a full grown man
I'm a man
I'm a natural born lovers'man
I'm a man
I'm a rollin' stone
I'm a man
I'm a hoochie coochie man
Sittin' on the outside, just me and my mate
You know I'm made to move you honey,
come up two hours late
Wasn't that a man
I spell mmm, aaa child, nnn
That represents man
No B, O child, Y
That mean mannish boy
I'm a man
I'm a full grown man
Man
I'm a natural born lovers man
Man
I'm a rolllin' stone
Man-child
I'm a hoochie coochie man
The line I shoot will never miss
When I make love to a woman,
she can't resist
I think I go down,
to old Kansas Stew
I'm gonna bring back my second cousin,
that little Johnny Cocheroo
All you little girls,
sittin' out at that line
I can make love to you woman,
in five minutes time
Ain't that a man
I spell mmm, aaa child, nnn
That represents man
No B, O child, Y
That mean mannish boy
Man
I'm a full grown man
Man
I'm a natural born lovers man
Man
I'm a rollin' stone
I'm a man-child
I'm a hoochie coochie man
well, well, well, well
hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry
Don't hurt me, don't hurt me child
don't hurt me, don't hurt, don't hurt me child
well, well, well, well
Yeah

---

Some lucky girl in this town is going to get smooched. I haven't decided who yet, but I've got a few ideas.

don't hurt me, don't hurt me, now

this morning on the way to work i passed several piles of the large 'jet puffed' marshmallows on the ground, labeled in white chalk "snowman turdes."

other thought provoking graffiti along the way:

my favorite scratched in cement that was wet in 1987 or 1988
"i still love martha but she doesn't love me"

and the enigmatic and brand new hot pink
"fuck blondes"
(fuck them, like, yeah! let's fuck blondes!? or fuck them like, awwww fuck 'em? the world may never know)

and finally the new drippy blue, "become love"

i am becoming love. i'll think about the fucking blondes thing later.

Ode to pink hat (with pink bow)

Sweet pink hat with pink bow that fell from the sky during a theatrical performance,
You are the warmest.
I found you more than a year ago on a piano.
Do you remember what I said, pink hat?
I said "Any fool that would leave such a perfect hat
on such an unperfect piano,
does not deserve to have you"
And then I put you on.
Do you remember our first snow together?
You were on my head.
Do you remember when that girl at the snack bar
said how much she liked you.
You were on my head that time too.
And this evening, riding home in Christina's van,
her Dolly Parton tape playing, my hair still damp from the evening swim,
and snow just on the other side of the windshield.
You were on my head also.
How could it be, that when I was cold
and worried about an ear infection and wore you to bed, that
you were on my head, and yet my head was on the pillow?
Do you remember the time when Aaron told the waitress,
"You'll know my friend when you see him, he's wearing
a pink hat with a pink bow"
And she found us, hat, she found us.
Generator of conversation, of awkward stares,
short bursts of envy.
Sweet signifier, knit index of me.
Where will we go when the thaw comes?








I went kayaking yesterday. It was 70 and sunny and the park was full of people flying kites. I had the idea of taking photos from the water. But when I realized I didn't have the balancing skills to remain upright in the kayak, hold onto the oar, take my camera out of my backpack, take a photo, not drift into the bank, not run over any waterfowl, not run into other rowers on the lake and remain dry. But I did have fun paddling around, though my back is a mass of sore muscles right now. Once I got out, I walked around the park taking photos.
Then took off my shoes and let my socks dry, scrunched up my toes in the green grass, leaned against a tree and read.

saw the jacob lawrence exhibit at the museum.

compared my theory of trying to live life as "action rather than reactions" to tracy's theory that you should "be the person you want to be, so that you can do the things important to you, so that you have what you want and require in life" rather than the reverse of trying to have what you want so that you can do what you want so you can be who you feel you truly are. this turns into wordy gibberish in print, but seemed important at the time. a venn diagram might be helpful.

after standing in the mob of people including a group of people smoking & telling jokes in sign language (which was really beautiful to watch the cigarette dance from hand to hand to dangling from lips depending on the required motion.), and homeless folks waiting for internet connections and tables for napping, waiting to get into the library on a sundy afternoon, (seriously!) and trying to do my taxes, i went to Nellie's, the only soul food place in Seattle i've found so far that is worth anything. (angie, we're so there next time you're here.)it made me delirously happy. then for a walk with Mary in the cold sunshine on Alki beach. found a stimpson's sun star (starfish.) i had never seen a starfish on the beach, alive or dead and i didn't realize they lived in cold waters at all.
i keep looking for the meaning in every single thing right now. thankfully, i don't think i'm too suceptible to brain washing or i'd be in a cult or a church by now. umm, no offense to cult or church members. i'm seeking was all i meant to say. seeking even more than usual maybe.


what things mean:
STANDING ON SAND: Supporting your balancing abilities.
STARFISH
Your guidance, represents your physical expression or
manifestation of spiritual connection to Source. Your point of connection to the Universal energy field
A reflection of your inner light
A star also often symbolises the number 5, freedom, communication, intellect, movement,versatility, expression, transformation, elevation
Receiving information related to healing.Suggests a period of healing and regeneration. Alternatively, indicates that you have many options to weigh and decisions to make.

Sunday, February 23, 2003

This weekend yours truly dressed up as a duck mascot for an anti-smoking campaign launched by the state dept. of health. I wore these huge ass duck shoes, about three times the size of my feet, triple XL hips, a huge ass head with this protruding beak. It was the funniest thing, no doubt. I could hardly see, because the beak went straight through my line of vision.

It was such a funny experience, because I have never before done anything like it. I expected more kids to be frightened, which some were. But a good many were curious, and some were so happy to be near the duck. They would hug me, give me high five, dance with me.

There was this yoga demonstration, and the instructor wanted to know if I could stand with my left foot and lean the right foot on my left calf (sorry, I forget the name of the pose). Uh, I could barely walk, much less have balance with one fucking duck foot. And you thought that I waddled when I walked normally . . . . .

i'm not terribly awake.
i had an active day today.
woke up early and now i'm tiring out.

pulled out my tarot decks and dream cards and have been looking through them. i think someone figured out my significator card, but i don't remember it.

i had a dream last night that my granny and mrs. gerry were taking care of this regal baby boy. granny was carrying him around. they were trying to teach me how to take care of him, or something. he was a proud radiant toddler baby. i'm not sure who he was. who he belonged to.

today tracy was talking about trying to have a baby. weird.

tonight was b movie night. jacob, vonderchrist, carl, t, eric's smelly surly dog otto, and i watched un chien andalou a frech surreal film that salvador dali helped make. it is what the pixies song debaser is about. cutting up eyeballs. whoah ho ho ho.
then rock n roll nightmare. with john mikl thor!
then invasion.

Saturday, February 22, 2003

Last week's protest in Bloomington drew 500, according to a local paper. Probably a conservative estimate.

I joined the Virtual March - feels kinda armchair but I really hope it makes an impact.

Friday, February 21, 2003

I've already seen THE film. I had a private screening at Squeaky Wheel (membership has its privlidges).

webpages, webpages, everybody is building.

I bought a domain name - and I spent last night doing the Dreamweaver tutorial. Tonight - scanning and button creating in photoshop. When something worth looking at is up, I'll post the link.

Who sang champagne supernova? (or am I making up that song title?)

i like to think of myself as a quasar.

fortunately for all of us, Upma is a star! hey, when do the mere mortals get to see that movie? i'll host a seattle opening. the guest filmaker could even give a talk and have the spot of honor on my sofa bed.

Thursday, February 20, 2003

There's a pedagocical theory about plateaus and lines. People learning a skill, going through the rigor of discipline, perceive their progress in plateaus, levels of proficiency appear as epiphany inspite of the fact that their progress could more easily be measured by a line or in some cases a curve. Most people perceive age and maturity in the same manner, they point to the day or the experience that made them older or wiser when the natural process is more suitably linear. Was Blakes mapping of Innocence to Experience one of large skips or a simple plot through eternity? I'm not sure he would tell.

The line between potential and kinetic is the same, one can't realize that potential is spent until almost everything is kinetic, when all height, position, storage becomes energy, and what's ahead is only the long fall.

Comets spin on their own axis, and around the sun, and around the universe, sending debris in every direction, not so unlike the earth. Their tails (or tales) always point away from the strongest light source, usually the star they revolve around. The direction one thinks a comet is going is usually not the same as its true trajectory.

If there is some beauty in every tragedy, whether it be truth or pure sadness then the ability to place each piece of debris by GPS of the Columbia to create an incredibly accurate mapping of descent will be such a glimpse; one of the most beautiful maps of our modern world, pure science, absolute theater, poetics.

These are the lines we draw.

It was sunny today, a bit warmer than it has been, so a lot of snow and ice melted off. The guy who plows the parking lot at work must be saddened by this turn of events - this man has way too much fun driving his truck with plow attachment very very fast and very very close to buildings, vehicles, and pedestrians. I can just about hear the "yeeeeeee-haw!" through the office window. Although I enjoy the way I crunch and sink in the snow right now (fluffy layers interspersed with crispy layers), I admit it's hard on the legs after a while, and makes things treacherous. Yesterday Lola made it clear that although she's adapted to snow (and has been dubbed by a visitor as "the snow leopard"), she is not a slush leopard. Being stuck in the house upsets her, and I have not been sufficiently entertaining, thanks to the snot monster (successfully dislodged) and my Teach for America application (being submitted tonight). Speaking of the snot monster, I've found that the regimen I took on to rid myself of it seems to be having a very positive effect on my general health. In addition, I haven't had coffee for over a week. I sleep better, I have more energy, I'm feeling creative and inspired. Yegads.

Watching the sky for the Shelly comet.

i was potential and i'm becoming kinetic.

i lost a ring i always wear.
my hair was barely long enough for pigtails again.
jeans that have not seen the outside of my closet in ages were zippable again.
nervous energy is changing my body into motion.

Wednesday, February 19, 2003

I'm waiting for that moment, that moment when after swimming when the water that creeped in your ear while turning your head to breath, now warmed by your brain, slowly creeps out after the subtlest of pops. That sensation is like a smell, an old photgraph of a lost love, Super 8 mm film; utterly nostalgic and soothing. If not now, perhaps when I'm dreaming, or at least when I wake up at 3:30 am for no reason. These are the ways in which life is charmed.

One of us won something, so should we all.

Upma, wit your bad ass self. . . .

Our latest office rant (to be posted onto the water cooler):

Water quenches the body and soul, and we must share our living resources (and not germs). That being said, please, please, please:
1.) replace the empty 5-gallon water bottle
2.) and for the love of God, Allah, Buddha and the water god Neptune, when refilling your personal water bottle, DO NOT allow the mouth of your bottle to touch the water cooler spout. Lipstick marks have been discovered, wiped and cleaned from the inside and outside of this spout. As much as we love each other, lipstick should be worn and not shared in the workplace.

Peace, love and consideration,
The Water Cooler Nazi

Upma, only you would take "came in 2nd nationwide" and turn it into "we got beat by Atlanta." Shuddup, you rule.

Z, *rock on*. There was a point in my life when I could play the piano. It lasted for about a week.

As those of you who play instruments can surely attest, there comes a point in your learning of an instrument where you can just play it. One night you suck. The next night, you don't really suck anymore. At least, that's how it seems. Sometime in the past month, I became able to play the piano. I'm not sure when it happened, and I didn't wake up playing like Duke Ellington or anything, but I just got through playing six songs on the piano. Whole songs! Both hands! And I didn't have to stop and saying, "wait, wait," while I searched for the chordings. Part of has to be that I'm committed to playing piano in the new band, so I have to at least reach a point where I'm not embarrassing myself and others. Sweet.

Upma - Go on, girl!


Upma - you rock.

Tuesday, February 18, 2003

my film won 1st runner up in the National 48 Hour competition. we lost to Atlanta.

I just got the camera - thanks, Angie.

snowy philly





Today in the Student Union they're (and when I say they I mean beginning engineering students) dropping eggs the equivalent of two stories (and when I say stories I don't mean novellas by Melville, because that would be a long time to fall). Well dropping eggs with some apparatus that was supposed to make them not break. The eggs were breaking, all of them. I thought it might be nice to hold an event in March where people try to balance eggs during the equinox, as way of recognizing the one day when eggs can stand up for themselves, and that's really horrible (and when I say horrible I mean bad joke) to say, but it's true.



Monday, February 17, 2003

After checking out nervousness.com, sleeping for a while, getting up this morning and listening to a little Neutral Milk Hotel it occured to me that I was "wiping the sleep out of my eyes." I thought it might be nice to collect that sleep, have other people send me theirs, fill a jar with the sleep I get/collect. It would have been nice if my parents had started collecting it for me when I was born. That's something I'll do for a child of mine. What if that sometimes crusty, sometimes viscous stuff people pull from their eyes is the physical manifestation of sleep, not a product of sleep but what sleep turns into when were done with it. Not that anyone would know what to do with a whole jar of sleep or "sleep matter" as I now like to call it. I guess you could eat it but that would just make you sleepy one would presume and there's plenty of food, not to mention drugs, that already do that really well. I just think that maybe our bodies are already the alchemists we wish we were and we don't know where our commodities are.

On the walk to the subway, or maybe it was across campus, it was quite still, but snowing light, the flakes were barely heavy enough to fall.

Yesterday I celebrated my 27th b-day. I really didn't intend for it to be a big deal, because I've been telling my closest friends to transform all of their b-day wishes into sweat and menial labor toward the house that I have not yet purchased. I was pleasantly surprised though, by EIGHT phone messages with b-day greetings, in addition to some people who caught me at home. Ended up going to an Asian seafood buffet, where you eat for free on your day. Also went to this blues dive that will be closing next weekend after 52 years of business.

We had about 3,000 people protesting in Houston. They estimated 1 million in Rome. The coordination efforts were pretty amazing. And then, didn't you just love hearing Tom Ridge say (I think on Good Morning America), "we may have over reacted in assuming there would be an attack on Thursday," all the meanwhile every one and their dog bought duck tape and whatever that protective covering is (like that's really going to stop anyone). FREAKS.

Tonight: Joe Millionaire Finale. I can't believe that I am hooked on that bullshit.

Austin had a good turnout for the protest. I heard from between 3,000 to 10,000. I had to work or I would have been there.

Sunday, February 16, 2003

Upma, I didn't go to the Bloomington protest but I know loads of people who did - will let you know how it went. Glad to hear about the Philly march being so successful!

Is anyone else here on nervousness.org?

Saturday, February 15, 2003

The Philadelphia protest was really great! we had 10,000 people show up. that's double the amount expected. it was peaceful and the police presence seemed slim. the police that were there, were guiding us in the direction we were supposed to go and they all were actually friendly and had enourmous smiles on their faces. it was damn cold and my muscles hurt, but it was a lot of fun. i think i ran into everyone i know in this city at the march. i was really stupid and forgot an important piece of audio equipment, so i didn't get good audio on people that we interviewed, but aside from that, i'm hoping the footage came out ok. the mainstream press also covered the protests much more than i expected... some of them even were thorough about their reporting. i think the world against Bush won a good battle today, i'm happy.
i'm curious to know more details about NYC and other places... did any of you go to your city's protest? how was it? details!!!

The snot monster has ruined my favorite weekend activity - making stuff. Even more annoying, as my eBay sales have been going rather well and two of the bottlecap necklaces I consigned at cut + paste have sold as well. I want to make more necklaces, a bottlecap purse, work on the jeans into skirts I've arranged to consign at another website, finish turning old hardcover books into purses...argh, snot monster, I cast thee away from me...

Friday, February 14, 2003

Z, did I say anything about airplanes? As soon as I figure out how to dislodge the snot monster from my sinuses, I'm gonna strap that sumbitch to a cinderblock and CATAPULT the fecker to the island. And if it misses the island and lands in the ocean, oh well I tried. I hadn't envisioned the snot monster as having sharp, pointy bits, but rather as being sort of gelatinous and squishy. I can now assure you that not only does it have sharp bits, but they are located directly behind my eyes, which explains why I am pathetically grateful every six hours when I can have another dose of hot liquid herbal stuff that includes willow bark ('cause I'm just not gonna buy asprin, I'm stupidly stubborn that way).

By the way Z, you have all my sympathy on the home repair front. The light fixture in my kitchen is from the 40's and I have decided needs to be completely replaced - a project I am for once not willing to tackle, especially since for the second time, a bulb has not only burnt out but been *blown* out of the socket so that it dangles by a teeny little wire, accompanied by a blue flash and a burning smell, much like the stove that was here when I moved in. Plus there are tiles in the shower that are falling out (landlord promised to have them repaired by June - that's June of last year).

Peacocks have nasty tempers and can be really mean. I knew a family who raised them for sale to resorts and suchlike. And good god, they are LOUD - there used to be a resort at the top of the valley where I grew up, and you could hear them at night.

so today marks my one year anniversary as a resident of philadelphia. it's the only torrid love affair i've ever had. i feel like a sad piece of existence.

my momma almost bought us a pet peacock once cuz someone down the street was selling them. we realized thatit might not be such a good idea cuz the dog might not get along with the bird. too bad for us.

Angie - in response to a way earlier post of yours - I haven't heard much String Cheese incident - I lump them in with Phish.
Tonight - yummy dinner outing planned, then Neko Case show. But no peacocks.
Though I did want to take photos of the flocks of black birds that hang out in this one group of grotesque trees near the train tracks in the foggy weather tomorrow.
I've had a lifetime relationship with the snot monster. I can't ever breathe through my nose. Ever.

Glad that we're all back on the board. . . .

Well, Mike has done some, er, uh, favors for me. Ok, ok, Mike got some Sox vs. Astros tickets for when I visit Boston in June.

Last night I was craving stuffed mushrooms. I wanted to use proscuitto, but it cost $20 a pound. Shit on that. Then I couldn't find any tasso, so I ended up using bacon. I also used onions, garlic, red white, parmesan cheese, bread crumbs, cream cheese. It was yum. Next time I want to use some other ingredients: blue cheese, broccoli, crabmeat, not necessarily altogether, but some new twist.

One of my good friend's husbands made this scrumptious chocolate cake in the shape of a heart. She gave me half of the cake to bring back to the office, and everyone is going wonkers over it. It is quite good though.

Snot monsters should all be nuked.

One of my co-workers was telling me about this fancy pants restaurant in Houston that had peacocks and swans running around. Can you imagine that shit?

Still looking for that special house, in the same way I'm looking for that special man (ha, ha). When I got back from NOLA, I wasn't as crazy about that original house, so I am still searching. And the process continues.

Thursday, February 13, 2003

I've made a lot of changes to my room. It's amazing how much your living space can affect you. I feel so much more at home, and at peace, I guess, here than I did before. I put up some pictures - Dirty Version shots, the photobooth zeroxes of Shell and Kainui that they sent me, bunches of pictures of Grace, a few of my brother and my dad, a few photos from my trip to Belize. I need some photos of my mom. She's really camera shy. I need some photos of a few other people around town. I thought I had a photo of you, Upma, but it seems I don't. Evan has one of us together. I have a really hellish beard, and we both are kind of grinning asses, but it's a sweet photo.

Add to all that some flyers from the Dirty Version days.

My room is clean. My bed is made (a new habit). I've got a great woolen blanket that I bought in Mexico. Very warm. It feels good in here.

---

A few days ago, the water pressure in our house dropped by about half. It was never very good anyway. Showers in the upstairs bathroom are now impossible. You can't really wash the dishes. It's a pain in the ass. The pastor (aka our landlord) has finally agreed to replace the pipes in the house. We have no idea how big a job it's going to be, but we're just happy he isn't kicking us out to do it.

Then, this morning we wake up and it's 60 degrees in the house. We assume we're out of heating oil. The dude comes to fill it up and tells us that we aren't out. We get 230 gallons anyway (bill: $350+). So, we investigate. The furnice won't start. The furnice is broken. We're cold. The repairman is supposed to come tomorrow morning. If it's a big job, we're crossing our fingers that the Pastor doesn't decide to go ahead a boot us, fix things up and charge the next guys more rent to cover the expense.

---

Good news, though. My friend Andrew has a band called the Dawn Chorus. They place quiet acoustic music. Nice stuff. They play mostly as a duo, guitar and bass. I asked them if they would mind learning a few of my songs and playing with me at the coffee shop or the pizza place sometime. They agreed. So we were practice and it was going well. Andrew ups the deal. He wants me to be a part of his band and we'll just split the songwriting and singing. I wasn't shooting for that, but it sounded like fun so I said okay.

In the meantime, Kemp (booker of PS211 in Winston-Salem) is looking for someone local to open for Crooked Fingers in March. That will likely mean nothing to most of you, but it's a pretty sweet show. Crooked Fingers can sell out PS211 no sweat. Kemp asked Andrew if he wanted to do it. Andrew said hell yeah. And now we have a show.

Of course, Kemp is expecting the old folky Dawn Chorus. Instead he's going to get the new five man version. New songs. This is the set up. Andrew plays guitar and sings his songs. Amy plays bass. I'm playing piano and singing all of my songs - six at the moment. We're going to get Joel from ex- of Raymond Brake and All Night to play drums and Will from Zegota to play second guitar and whatever else he wants. We are going to rock the house. We're sounding good.

I'm really excited. I hope to have a tape or some mp3s to share before too long.

questions we should all be asking:
1. if you fight a battle with the snot monster, and the snot monster wins and makes you into a snot sponge, does that mean that when you do the dishes you wash them in snot? eww.
2. why is angie sending mike f money?

i give the new fella a week to ask me out. but he probably won't. who wants to bet?! when i win that bet, i'll maybe muster up the guts to ask him out so he can reject me. who wants to bet he says no? wow... i think i just discovered a new way to make some extra money...! hey happy crapentines all. i love you.

Don't be silly. You can't make a direct flight to Monster Island. The ferry only comes once a week. Any airplane would have to land on the water. A hydroplane or whatever.

I am making travel arrangements for the snot monster - the next direct flight to Monster Island won't be for a couple more days, alas. I have don't know if that's where the snot monster was born, and quite frankly I don't care.

I am making chicken soup, which makes Lola very very happy, as in this house that means she gets chicken and I get soup.

Does the snot monster live on Monster Island (when it isn't busy in your nose?)

Wednesday, February 12, 2003

Today I battled the snot monster. The snot monster won. In a few short hours, I have been reduced to a whiny, red-nosed, sniffling snot sponge. This is what sucks about living alone - having to do the dishes, scrub out the bathtub, etc. despite my pounding temples and overall poutiness.

My regimen includes:
1) handfuls of vitamins
2) a large pot of miso soup (my disdain for the tofu available here temporarily suspended)
3) one half-gallon of organic pulp-added orange juice (that's one per day)
4) a long soak in a very hot bath, "Soothing Heat" bath salts added
5) turning the heat up all the way to 67 (this with #4 is a big concession for my miserly energy concious self)
6) a warm bundle of Lola in my lap

I tried watching "This Is Spinal Tap" with commentary, but that turned out to be a bad idea. It makes me laugh and that gets snot sprayed onto the screen of my laptop. Yuck.

Hey kids, long time no talk.

I'm seriously going to try to finish my part of the camera project this weekend. Seriously. I'm really sorry about the lag, enough said.

It seems like a ton of states have huge budget deficits this year. In Nov., the comptroller reported a $5 billion shortfall. In Jan., she said $10 billion. This outside group estimates it at $18.5 billion. This all means no travel and/or raises for us for quite some time. Initially I was all annoyed, but then I thought about the social services and programs that will be cut, that puts it into perspective for me. On a related note, one of our institutes found that only 1 in five people are familiar with the deficit and its implications, very surprising news to me considering that so many people will be effected.

I have been eating out like mad lately: Italian, Greek, Asian, pizza, Latin. I need to stay my ass at my apartment for a home-cooked meal.

It seems that over the last few months two of my closest friends and I have drifted apart for no particular reason, other than time and space. Kinda sad, but manageable. On the other hand, I've found myself becoming closer and closer to a newer friend (we've known each for a year and a half). Friendships are so strange. Growing up and in college, you put up with a hell of a lot more bullshit from your friends. Quite frankly, I have several high school and college friends whom I would probably not befriend today. It's not a bad thing, just different. My point is that it takes a lot to be good friends post-college and into "adulthood," and I've just been thinking about how my standards get higher and higher. That also means that, at least in my mind, the quality has shot up.

Mike, did you get my check?

Steph/Zach/et al, have you ever heard of the String Cheese Incident? Thumbs up or down?

Tuesday, February 11, 2003

So is the pink background for Valentine's Day?

Sorry about the font weirdness. Blogger seems to have about a two week lag on template changes these days.

Sunday, February 09, 2003

i've been more busy than usual lately. it's good, but i'm totally exhausted. i'm starting a new project that i'm totall excited about... my friend erica and i are going to do a documentary following an important local election. we hope that this will help us earn funding for another piece we'd like to do concerning the presidential election.

are any of you going to fight war on Feb 15th in your city? Would you like to gather footage for me? let me know.

my brains are fried like scrambled eggs. yum.

Saturday, February 08, 2003

Question: why have bios? I do like the haiku idea, but Ed of Garrison has to write mine.

Thursday, February 06, 2003

What about if we pick names, and other people write our bios? Or do y'all think that that's too cooky?

Tonight I went to the Buffalo Soldiers Museum for the viewing of that new HBO documentary on the slave narratives. It was really cool, though I need to go back so that I can actually walk around the museum. It was the first nerdy thing I've done in a long while, so that was fun.

Softball is about to start in full gear. I'm set for two teams, one that starts next week, the other starts in March.

Why is it that the NBA all star game is only being broadcast on TNT? What the hell? Rrrrrgh.

Wednesday, February 05, 2003

Only if Shelly writes my haiku bio :)

Tuesday, February 04, 2003

What do you guys think of the idea of haiku bios for the new site? It was Shelly's idea but she hasn't mentioned it, so I figured I would.

Deliquent in picture-sending: Angie Joe, Shells, Upma, JT

I finally got all my W-2's so now I can get back the money the gov't has been free to use without paying me interest. As with voting season, I'm surprised by how much people *don't* know about seemingly basic stuff - one of my co-workers was all jazzed about her bank filing your taxes for $20 - until I said, you can do that online through www.irs.gov for free. On the other hand, how many people do I know who go to the public library twice a week? (I haven't been hitting the book sale every week though...)

That was supposed to be a 5"2 eight year old.

Where is everyone?

I'm so wiped, but I've got two big news releases coming out this week. One tomorrow, one probably Friday.

Got good news today professionally. Arranged a coffee with an energy reporter from a major news outlet next week. Talk about awesome! Also got good coverage of my event yesterday. My boss is glowing.

Sunday, February 02, 2003

Random weekend notes.

I met a 5"2 eighty-year old kid this weekend, which confirmed the fact that there is a third grader who is taller than me. Not sure what his parents feed him . . .

Walked in a 5K, went to a co-workers' party. It is so funny to see your co-workers in their personal lives.

Sat. was Chinese New Year. I didn't get to do anything with my aunt but I'll probably have dinner with her one night this week or next weekend.

Big day at work tomorrow. The second of three events.

I slept for 12 hours today, something that only happens once every year probably. All I did today was barely make it to Mass then I somehow managed to cook a dinner of grilled pork chops, green beans and rice. For dessert, a glass of chocolate milk.

The Quirkyalone Quiz. I scored 115 (Very Quirkyalone). Yep, future crazy old spinster.