Thursday, May 31, 2001

yeah. that show put me in a much better mood than i've been in all week. all those people giving me money. so nice. they didn't have to. and those three bands... three of the best in this town. you guys.... The Dirty Version is a GREAT band. with great great people.

angie joe. congrats!!! i'm so proud of you/happy for you. next to that... heart ache don't matter so much, does it?

love you all.
zach. you one more time... you guys REALLY sounded good. thanks so much for playing that.

I think tonight's show at College Hill can only be described as a success for the band. We played really well and people seemed to really enjoy us. It was a great confidence booster. Art from All Night called us the most original band in Greensboro, which is a very nice thing to hear. We were all really pumped up with the praise. I'm still a little loopy.

AND, Upma made a bunch of money to offset the cost of her film.

What a great night.

Man, what's up with all of this heart ache????

G-R-E-A-T news. I received my offer letter from U of H this morning, and the deal is sealed. I turned in my resignation to senior management this afternoon. My last day here is on June 14th. I then have a week to myself (I'll likely go home for a few days). Then I start at U of H on Thurs., June 21st. After sealing the deal, my new boss told me that they "were lucky to snag me."

Only one memeber of management was negative; everyone else seemed excited at the opportunity. Frankly I don't give a FLYIN' SHIT!!!!!!

Free at last, free at last. These next two weeks are going to fly. Thanks for all of your positive words and thoughts all.

So I went to a righteous angry girl party last night. The hostess had been dumped player style two days before. These are her words "There was some serious messing around on the dance floor with two skanks right in front of me- in normal life, you don't see that much skin in a public venue unless you're watching Cinemax. Even the easy-going crowd at Nasty's (the dance club) was obviously pretty disgusted to see boobage, everyone thinking,"This is not Studio 54." The real-life playah I was dancing with (initially, for jealousy purposes, but then just 'cause it was fun) didn't think he deserved me, and he'd only known me for 15 minutes." So last night the claws were unleashed. If hell hath no fury, save us a seat. She brought the pathetic email he had sent after feeling up these two girls in public in front of her - it seems he couldn't remember what exactly he had done so was sending a blanket apology. She regaled us by telling us all the stupid things he'd said in bed. He was ripped to shreds from what he wore to what he said to his taste in everything. I hope it was a cathartic experience for my friend. Oh, and there was a lot of chocolate and beer.
It felt out of place to share that I was excited about just starting to date someone. I'm making dinner for the new boy tonight. I hope I don't burn anything.

Happy father's day Thad!

Congratulations one and all for buying cars, graduating, moving on, moving up. Those are all the fighting words I can muster.

June in Buffalo has more or less begun
Julia and I have more or less ended

I'm the cartoon that has wandered past the edge of the cliff with this now sudden realization:

Wednesday, May 30, 2001

On Saturday a group of us got to see Tenacious D in Winston-Salem. If that name means nothing to you, don't worry. Tenacious D definately qualifies as a cult favorite. Basically, Jack Black (from High Fidelity and some other movies) and a dude named Kyle Glass play "themselves" in a HBO show called Tenacious D. It was produced by the guy who did Mr. Show and it was pretty damn funny. The premise was/is that JB and KG are an acoustic duo who are really spastic and everybody hates them. HBO only did like six episodes. The D are pretty funny, actually. That means a lot coming from me, because I generally hate "funny" bands.

They performed every single one of their songs. Every one. That alone was pretty funny.

Jack Black is filming the new Farrelly Brothers movie and flew down to NC just for the show. Its one of, I think, two shows total that they're doing on this "tour". They seemed really, sincerely jazzed to see the sold-out crowd. As the show went on, I began to realize that for them playing a show is really a rare thing. And all the crazed D fans on the east coast were there. Some people drove more than eight hours to get there. I even heard of one person flying in from Colorado just to see the show. Two weeks before the show, tickets were selling on ebay for $75+.

So, I'm glad I got to go. It was tons of fun.

Sunday, I goofed around. Bought some shoes and some pants that don't really fit right. Then I went to work.

On Monday, I did more of the same. John and I sent off about 40 copies of Slave #5 with a brand new one-sheet to a bunch of addresses we got from the guys that do Clamor.

That evening, I told my boss and the other managers that I'm quitting. They took it well, except for my best buddy Wahid, who pretended like he didn't care. Just like a little kid. God, I'm going to miss that guy.

Rob, the GM, said that if I ever wanted my job back--"I couldn't pay you what I'm paying you now, of course"--I could have it. What a class act. Still, I might, part-time, after we get back from the West Coast.

Yesterday, I worked. Johnny turned me on to a book that I'm really loving the hell out of, Edwin Mullhouse, the Life of an American Writer by Steven Millhouser. Its about a ten-year-old novelist. Its a spoof of biographies and kindersleroman, especially Boswell and, to a lesser degree, Joyce. Anyway, its a pretty special book. I'm surprised I never heard of it before Johnny mentioned it.

Then we had a practice for the Thursday (tomorrow) show. We sounded good in the basement. We're trying the problem song (aka the beast) again. Last song. I hope we don't fuck it up again.

I spent most of today in Hickory with Thad and Meredith and Grace. Grace is about two weeks old. She's still adorable and tiny and beautiful. I'm jealous of Thad, but I don't want to talk about it. She took her first bath and screamed in her first restuarant today. I'm a sucker.

I bought a Kiss album. Thad bought a Judas Priest greatest hits.

Mom and I went to visit my grandmother in her nursing home. I think my mom is about the only one who still goes daily. The others are too busy dealing with the emotions of having a ailing and diminished relative to actually go and spend time with her. I love my mother and I am so proud of her for sucking it up and dealing with the hurt and going to see grandma. She needs it.

Grandma is pretty delusional now. She sees lots and lots of things and it upsets her and she becomes very angry if someone suggests that its all in her head. She's had a few episodes recently where she's accused my mom of lying to her. Grandma is convinced of a few things. One, that my cousin Sarah (age 2) is sneaking out of the house and coming to the nursing home. Two, my cousin, Tyler, (age 13) has been arrested and is going to jail. Grandma thinks her brother, Frank, who lives in California is coming to visit. Frank is still recovering from cancer. She's also asking to come home regularly now. That last one breaks my mother's heart.

Today she told me that she was planning a trip to California to see Frank and Irene (a sister). Mom had to tell her that she probably couldn't do that. California is too far to drive. But otherwise she was in a pretty good mood. She got fairly lucid when we were talking about her taxes. Somehow, she can remember exact numbers and figures and I think that perked her up-to be sure of something, numbers and amounts. I was a little surprised because my grandmother has always been responsible, but we never a very finance-oriented person. I can't imagine what inner workings make it possible to remember how much tax she paid on her acreage in the Uhwarrie National Forest, but not remember that Sarah is only 2 and couldn't possibly get the home by herself. Oh, I'm getting worn out just thinking about it.

Mom is asleep. Grandma is asleep. Grace is probably asleep. I should be, too. But, I'm wide awake.

On my day off, I got a call from work on my PERSONAL cell phone. Of all the fucking things for them to call me about . . . I booked some hotel suites for this media tour we have coming up next week. And they wanted to ask me about the rates. Could that not wait 24 hours????????? Whatever.

Job update. Had my second interview with U of H this morning. All seemed pretty positive. Met the entire staff, and they were happy to hear about my "wide range of media relations experience." Talked to the big man briefly afterwards, and we are in negotiations about salary. Am hoping to have the deal sealed by next week. It is so weird to think that little ole Angie Joe is all about business when it comes to money. I never thought I would see the day . . . . Please, please, please say a little prayer, do a little dance, whatever you may choose to offer up to the powers that be . . . .

I hate banks.

Upma, I really like you a lot.

On a random note, I bought these really soft bed sheets from Target today. Love Target.

banks suck. can you get your employer to produce a copy of the check? that sucks mike... i'm sorry.

Tuesday, May 29, 2001

you guys are so awesome.

i'm getting a kitty on friday! it's at my friends house right now... we're not sure if it's a boy or a girl... but i've already named it Tucker. Tucker is THE CUTEST! it's black n white and has a little soul patch/goatee thing on it's chin... SOO CUTE!!!

Upma - you are awesome and kick so much ass and it sucks sucks sucks that this boy is giving you the air conditioner treatment - blowing hot and cold. I went through that last week and finally sat the kentucky derby crush boy down and talked. and felt a million times better after. It's good to find out what's going on in someone else's mind so your imagination doesn't do the whole imagine the worst ten times over. so my advice, for what it's worth, is it's better knowing what's going on than fearing the worst. good luck, I hope it all works out.

Upma, if it makes you feel ANY better, I am going through the same damn thing - sort of. I know you've heard this a bazillion times, but time will tell. He clearly feels something if he still hangs with you, but maybe he just needs his space right now. And all you can do (that is, if you don't want his shit to freak) is to let him come to terms with things. Until then, I think you should hold off on telling him how you feel. But that is just my humble opinion.

And it is NOT you. A very good friend of mine once told me "90 percent of the time, it's on the other end and not yours." Does it make you feel better? Of course the hell NOT - at least initially. But it really is true.

You see, my thing is that I am fine in my own world, leading my single life. But then some guy comes along, is really nice then right when I decide that I like him, something gets screwed up along the way. Frankly, I am sooooooooooo tired of being wrong. I'm a big intuition kind of girl, and when shit like this happens, I start doubting the one thing I've always relied on. ***SIGH*** And I refuse to turn into one of these "women who hate men" because I think it's such bullshit. Blah blah blah. Tired of hearing myself boo-day.

Anyways, I still have two weeks or so to see where this train is headed. The positive is I STILL think this guy is different.

Oh, here is a funny. My cousin for my b-day got me this book called "The Book of Answers." It's kind of like the Magic 8 Ball, because you ask a question and open it to a random page with an answer. It has all of these answers from famous authors like Shakespeare, Voltaire, Dickens, Langston Hughes, etc. When I asked it "What the hell am I supposed to do?" (about the above situation), I opened the page that said, "Sit and wait." I about fell out. On that good note, I need to get back to my 150 plus work e-mails.

Hang in there all.

Upma, from what I've heard, he's not the sort to say he'll call and then not. There could be a very good reason for it that has nothing to do with you. Please don't assume it's your fault! It's a great way to create a problem where none exists.

Mike, I'll be in and out of the apartment, will check my voicemail regularly.

Monday, May 28, 2001

deleted rant

The family bonding experience of outlet shopping in Freeport was nicely balanced by going through several old photo albums. I now have a small hoard of family photos and photos of my father at my age. I'm pretty sure I don't have a job in Wisconsin, so now it's a matter of deciding if I want to stay in Boston for the summer or head west. Either way, I'd have to find a job, and soon. Not to mention housing. I have cousins in the North End and Back Bay areas who are happy to host me, however they don't live alone, and not all of the roomies give off that "thrilled to have you here" vibe. I think it's just as well if I head homeward.

Last week we had this HUGE press event for the Space Center's new summer exhibit called "Need for Speed." It centered around the race car theme, and they had a ton of interactive exhibits. They even had a dragster for reporters to test out. And because I was running the show with the rides, I got one, too. That was pretty awesome. Met some cool reporters from a couple of places: Lake Charles, Little Rock and El Paso. It was so funny because all of the reporters kept saying how they wanted to do PR, and how my job seemed like so much fun. I just laughed and smiled.

Mike, I think Nomo is soooo cool. I want to see him live one day. Kind of a problem as Houston is national and not American League.

I think that the break up between friends is worst than the actual break up with the significant other. Sucks how you end up arbitrarily drawing a line between the "friends." Anyways who the hell has time for that chicken shit?

Went home for a QUICK trip. Saw George Porter at Tip's. It was a really good show. Didn't get to bed until 4 a.m. Felt like I was in college again. Even stopped at We Never Close for an $8 seafood platter that kicked ass. Went to this PHAT engagement party that had boiled crawfish, boiled shrimp, a couple of kegs and a live band. all in all, got me my quick fix for Louisiana. Was ready to come home after the parents started in with the lectures. Got one on my professional career, a couple on taking care of my car. Those are the ones that come to mind. Guess I blocked the rest out.

Interview number two for that senior writer position is Wed. The guy asked me for my references, so keep your fingers crossed.

Shelly/Steph -- Jeff Mitchell is getting married in New Orleans this weekend. Unfortunately I can't go because I'm on fam patrol.

Sunday, May 27, 2001

yesterday was a crazy schizoidal (sp) kind of day. it seems that i was not the only one affected by this mood...
today, luckily, is another day. woke up late. got coffee. gonna go shopping and clean up the house some more.

Saturday, May 26, 2001

Blogger is pissing me off. Everything is pissing me off today. But it seems to be fixed.

Friday, May 25, 2001

I like the dreaming about Jesus sign. I had a Jesus-like figure in a dream several weeks ago - the dream was, overall, very reassuring. I swam through a lake to an island and sat down at a table with my mother and a sweet-faced man with warm brown eyes who kissed me and said "welcome home." Later in the dream I got scolded by a friend for swimming in my jeans.

Mike, if Sat-Tues means you are free Weds - Fri that would work quite well with what I have going on. Hooking up with another friend I haven't seen for years on Tuesday, the MFA is free Weds afternoon (would you be up for that?) and then I think Thurs or Fri go see my grandmother again with a couple of my cousins. I can't get over how the boys grew up. Big strapping sweethearts who sell mutual funds. Shoulders! Like you would not believe. All well over 6'. Must hang out with them more often; after all, birds of a feather flock together...

if i understand then, you're having problems loading the http://www.blogspot
website? i never check that so i hadn't noticed. it is a different (although related) website host than blogger. my guess is that it is overloaded. i'll look into hosting on another free place like tripod or geocities. then maybe i can get some of the features zach and i started working on forever ago to work: bios etc etc. i'll check into it but i don't know how fast it'll happen.

ditto on it being lake effect and not blogger

Thanks again to the G'Boro division of Lake Effect - I made significant progress towards figuring out what I'm going to do after I'm done running away from home. Upma and Zach are great to hang out with until Zach begins contaminating your water glass with paper and olives.

Memories of veggie punks sustain me while going to dinner with my cousins, all of whom work for some sort of investment firm. Normally, I don't drink. Wednesday night, I got plowed. We went to a North End Italian restaurant, the kind of place where enormous Italian men greet each other with hugs and cell phone conversations are held in Italian. At the end of the night, there were six empty wine bottles and six of us at the table, but Sigrid got there after the first five were emptied. I don't even want to figure out why this half of my family does all its bonding with alcohol. I'm afraid I already know.

On my way up to Maine for the weekend, and then back down to Boston for at least a few days, maybe longer. Mike, I'm sorry to hear about the split. I agree, it's nice to know you'll be friends afterwards, yet it's basically the light at the end of a dark tunnel. I'll either be staying in the North End or Back Bay area; if you'd like to get together and have lunch or whatever, that would be great. I don't know what my internet access is going to be for the next few days; I'll give you a call by Tuesday if that's ok.

i'm not having any trouble with blogger. what is it doing to you?

So I have been moved, literally. The car (blue-gray camry) has been bought. I had a talk with the crush last night to find out if we're on the same page with everything. He was all freaking out because he's moving at the end of the summer and didn't know if he wanted to start something if he knew he'd be leaving. Which would majorly suck since we get along really well and have fun. I also don't see the point in not dating just because you know it's going to end. So I think we compromised on a continue hanging out and just see what happens policy. I hope it all works out. Thinking about him just makes me smile. Goofy, I know. Needless to say all that has done nothing to motivate me to unpack my apartment. It is a maze (though getting less so everyday) of boxes.
The stress of this week was lifted a little by some CD shopping last night. I bought an old Aimee Mann, the new Low/Dirty Three album and some Apples in Stereo. A good balance.

Thursday, May 24, 2001

Tonight's show at the Ceder St house was mostly a success. Our trouble song, the seven-eight minute one, was a bunch of crap. Other than that, I'm proud of us. We rocked, I think. Krystal had never sung in front of a crowd before, so she was really nervous about that. But, she did great. The one song she sings lead on was, maybe, the best of the set.
The other bands were good, too. The first, the Frenetics, from Montreal, were good kind-of Jimmy Eats World punk-pop-emo-pop-post whatever. Good. Then the Crimson Spectre from our house. the ghoul punks. They were awesome. Dave broke the mic and ended up just shouting and dancing around. the last group, the Trollydodgers, were doing some broke-down Tom Waits thing with a stand-up bass, an acordian (played by the hottest woman I have ever seen) and a clarinet. The had a dirty dude with tattoos rapping/singing. He sang this righteous line: "I'm a garbage eater and a toilet mistreater."

What the hell is up with blogger?

Wednesday, May 23, 2001

so... i dunno.
life is all sorts of good. i’m happy. i’m actually HAPPY. and... it’s weird. i mean... it’s good. it’s different. i dig my life right now. greensboro IS much more pleasant when UNCG is not in the equation. work is good so far. i haven’t had a lot of time to myself yet... but, i will soon. nd i will read and play the bass guitar and drums and write and make more films. i have the rest of my life ahead of me... it’s a wonderful feeling. my friends (as vulgar as they may be) are the rockinest people ever.
hanging out/talking with elvis is also a wonderful thing. it’s like icing on the cake, as far as my happy life goes. he is absolutely, hands down the COOLEST guy in this town.

louise- it was awesome having you in town, and meeting you/hanging out with you/getting to know you. i hope the rest of your trip goes well.

mike- so, you doin ok? if things are good, are you still moving out?


Tuesday, May 22, 2001

Thad, I have such the happy, happy thoughts for you. Many, many congrats.

Steph, it was great seeing you as well. Glad things are working with the crush. But you failed to tell everyone of your encounter with the Red Headed Stranger. I ended up getting the John Prine "In Spite of Ourselves" CD, Carolyn Wonderland and Shawn Colvin's "Fat City" at Waterloo. What's the verdict on the car????

Ray Charles was amazing. He was only on for an hour, but he was incredible. Does anyone know a song called "Three Quarter Time"? It sounds like it would be an old country singer/songwriter standard. That is what Ray closed with.

Upma, I know I owe you an e-mail. I'm working on it. . . . I promise. Do send Elvvis updates my way . . .

Monday, May 21, 2001

I am leaving the comforts of the punk rock retirement home for a week of intensive family interaction. I'm going to miss this.

Thad, your little girl really is the most beautiful baby in the world.

Upma, Zach, thank you for showing me around and hanging out. I'm sorry I'll be missing the benefit show where the film will be shown!

Thad - that's so amazing - I'm really happy for you. How momentous.

I moved this weekend, had a date with my crush, ate lunch with Angie Joe and am so in love with living alone. It's been great. Of course the place is still half in boxes and I keep having to go digging through all those boxes when I get a bee in my bonnet that I need xyz right NOW.
Angie - it was so fun seeing you - hope you had a safe drive back to Houston and didn't spend too much money at Waterloo.
I also watched the season finale of ER - damn if that wasn't suspenseful. Creepy creepy at the end.
The new car should be bought today.

Sunday, May 20, 2001

thad. CONGRATULATIONS!!!!! i told zach to give you a big hug n kiss from me, but i know he didn't.
i am so excited for you... i think you are going to be one of the greatest dad's in the world.

Grace Arden Collier
born at 10:10am on 5\18
8 lb 10 oz
20 inches

she is the most beautiful girl in the whole world. daddy is such a great feeling.

Saturday, May 19, 2001

Lately I've been dreaming more intensely and frequently that I have for a few years (or I'm just remembering them better). What's your take on dreams? I've been kind of taking them apart and looking at them, and I'm wondering if there's anything to them, or just random neuron firings.

Today I realized that one of the things I love most about trains is the way they sound going over the tracks, like a heartbeat. A train is a womb that takes me places. Trains and thunderstorms - tonight I can stand by the window and watch both go by.

Friday, May 18, 2001

I am now hoping for additional lake effect poolings to occur this summer. If I don't get the hostel job in Madison (and seeing as how I haven't heard back from them and it's almost June, I think probably not), I'm going to head to Portland OR - so when Zach and his boys go to Seattle, I'm thinking that I just may head over with Erin on our way to B.C. and we can have a big ol' love fest. Wheee!

Driving to Virginia with Upma tomorrow - roadtrip! And I get to be the first to take a ride in the new Jetta!

It's the simple things in life that make me so happy these days. I am so glad that I ditched my life and hit the road, something I would have been less likely to do without friends like you.

Thad/Zach -- congrats! That is so awesome. E-mail out a picture when you can!!!!!

Zach, I ER is the only TV show I watch regularly. It doesn't sound like a lot, but when yor TV is only on about 3 hours a week, and one show takes up a third of that time, it is a lot. Abby is so dumb that she annoys me. I still want Chen and Carter to get together. And I had to walk out of the room when Dr. Greene was in the elevator with the psycho guy. My mom is freaked out about the two lesbians. Cracks me up that I share her DNA. Anyways, everyone knows not to call me until AFTER the previews for the following week have aired. And I thought Dr. Greene was calling it quits after this season.

Shelly - I forgot that you were doing dim sum. If you like flan and egg custard, dim sum places gernally have good chinese style egg custards with a flaky crust, and the sweetness is more subtle. Very yummy.

Another thing to watch for. When they come out with a push cart that has a bunch of metal circular dishes stacked on top of each other, ask them for the ones with shrimp in it. It's hard to do a pronunciation thing over e-mail, but it's spelled "har kow." They come four to an order and are steamed. They look like little balls with noodles wrapped around them. Inside the noodle is shrimp and water chestnuts. when I was a kid, I would eat three or four orders at a time, and I wouldn't touch anything else.

I also LOVE pot stickers. And several other things. Damn, I am just going to have to make it out to Seattle one day to do dim sum with you. grant it, I'm sure your Japanese friend (I think that's what you said he was) is a foodie, but hell, I grew up on the shit.

All -- thanks so much for your well wishes. It means a lot.

Shelly, I LOVE your style with the opposite sex. Wish I were as cool as you - seriously. BTW, I'm sure I will be calling you in the next two weeks to vent about family.

I'm so excited for everyone. We all seem to have a million and one things going on.

i'm not really mad. just being feisty. and my ride for soccer showed up. but i DO NOT watch survivor. i'll talk to you guys later.
it was fun talking to upma. and i hope we manage to catch zach & weezie at a better time. will you still be there on sunday?

what a lot is going on right now! i'll be corny for a moment and say that i'm really glad you're all a part of my life. i hope that helps make up for the fact that i told a couple of you to go to hell.

CONGRATULATIONS THAD!!! oh a baby girl. a baby girl. i want to make songs with her name. does she have one yet?

angie, i can relate a tiny bit to your situation. i spent nearly a year at an advertising agency. i don't know how you've managed for so long. it nearly drained my life away. good luck. if any of us find the magic fulfilling career/ bill paying job, be sure to share, please.

yesterday, i found a handpainted plexiglass flag leaning against a trash can. i carried it around the rest of the day. mike bought a huge warm chocolate chip cookie from a girl on roller skates. then mike got us invited to a house breaking party. some punk rock kids who are evicted and wreaking revenge on the landlord in the form of a 5 day party. that was about 5 minutes of our day yesterday. the straightedge party is tonight. today i prepare for my party tomorrow night. dim sum tomorrow morning.

later some gross old dude told me i was nice to look at and he bet that i was a kind person and had a good heart. i told him that i probably didn't. in fact that my heart was probably so evil that it is a black hole and he better get away from me quickly before i suck him into the recesses of hell along with me,
he didn't go away.

i love you all.

Zach was indeed disappointed when Shelly decided he could go to hell and she would go to her soccer game. Admittedly I was not a great conversational companion as I was also wondering if Elizabeth had been shot. I don't enjoy having my feelings manipulated by a television show, probably because it does it so well.

Angie Joe, I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you.

The G'Boro crew are awesome. A few of them might head out to Hawai'i in late June/early July and I'm already drafting letters of introduction in the event that I may not be there then. I'm hoping Raven, queen of the (teeny tiny) punk scene in Honolulu will still be there. I really want her to meet these guys and I know she'll take good care of them too. And I'm sure the boys will be happy to help the local chapter of Food Not Bombs go out and feed people on the weekend. Upma has amazing patience with the general conversation (two themes: penis and poop) and I congratulate her heartily on meeting Elvis, a gentleman, as opposed to the guys in this house who have their own special charm. Really, it's the usual, you can have fantastic insightful productive conversations about a variety of topics, but if all the boys are in one room, there will be the inevitable gravitation towards the Freudian Fixations.

If you want a peek at the Honolulu "scene," such as it is, check out:

If you go to Raven is on the far right with the red hair. It's just not a good picture of her, but it's the only one I can find.

It's so stupid of me to go finding all this stuff on the web about Honolulu now that I've left and don't think I'll go back for very long.

Thad has baby girl, born at 10:10 AM, May 17, 2001. No name yet. I'm an uncle. A pretty damn excited uncle.

Thursday, May 17, 2001

Wow, babies always bring such happiness to the picture.

Ok, I am in the safety of my aunt's home, so I can write freely about how miserable I am as a corporate slave without having to look over my shoulder. I generally do not let shit at work get to me, an I can pretty much stand on my own, as long as you don't fuck with me. That being said, I have been working at an international public relations agency for the last two and a half years. It doesn't sound like a long time, but two or more years at an agency is like 10 years anywhere else. Just to give you an idea, I am the office veteran (not title wise, but time wise) by 6 months. Crazy shit.

So about two months ago, I was working my ass off one week - pulling 60 plus hours. Not that I was complaining, because there was work to do, and I wasn't about to turn in something half-assed. That's the background. I was minding my own business, writing up some report when all of a sudden, this supervisor says that he wants to meet NOW in the small conference room. I say ok, and grab my notebook. Another woman who worked on the same account also comes in. Next thing I know, the guy starts reaming my ass, telling me about how I had no dedication to the company, I had no sense of urgency and that my ass was on the line so I needed to show some results.

Keep in mind that I came in earlier and left later than everyone, including the dickhead, to the office that entire week. did I complain? No. Did I half ass my work? No. Yet I get accused of doing piss poor work and having a slack ass attitude. It was that day that I decided it was time to start looking for bigger and better things.

So far I have had two interviews. Was really bummed about not getting this community relations job for the Univ. of Houston. It involved tons of special event and marketing stuff. Last week I had an interview with the U of H media relations dept. as a senior writer. Tomorrow I have a meeting with a headhunter, and I have also been in contact with this major software company. The person in charge of hiring used to be one of my supervisors, so she knows me and my work. So Angie is not fucking around, nor is she here to be treated like dog shit.

I also failed to mention that they have fired three people over the last three months in my office. And two people have left on their own accord.

Anyways since the aforementioned event, I have been on my best behavior. They think that I am elated and grateful to be there.

NOTE: please, please do not e-mail to my work account about any of this shit -- the incident, job prospects, etc. I just don't trust big brother, and for all I know they are monitoring my shit (as illegal as it is). paranoid? You had better fucking believe it.

Man, I feel like I am leading a double fucking life - sneaking out for phone calls and interviews, faking like I am sick, etc. But I keep telling myself it is all for the best, and that if I don't watch out for me, they sure as hell won't.

That is the work update. I likely will not send another for a while, since I have no computer access at home.

Headed to hear the sweet sounds of Ray Charles in Austin on Sat., and all of this will mean nothing.

Have a great weekend all, and thanks for reading.

I think Shelly believes that I choose to watch ER (the season finale!) over talking to her. This is not the case. I said clearly that I would talk when a commercial came on.

What? Dr. Greene was afraid that Elizabeth have been shot. And, frankly, I was afraid too.

You guys watch Survivor.

So there.

Mike here. Me and Shelly just got off the phone with Upma (with an umlaut, like Husker Du), which was pretty rad.

Got invited to a crusty punk eviction/destruction party today. And there are some shows: free show by this band the A-Frames at a record store Saturday, and a member of Thirty Ought Six has a new band that is playing tomorrow night, as is Zeke.

Shelly is talking to Zach right now. Crazy, dude!

Mom says Thad's baby is on the way. more when I know more.

Made it to Greensboro, where I will be until Tuesday morning. I decided to take the train to Boston, and for some reason the fare on Tuesday is $33 less than it would be any other day of the week. The only plans so far for today are lunch with Upma and Zach, then used bookstore. I know I'm going to be back to a working life soon, so vegetating as much as possible is at the top of my list.

Within an hour of arriving I discovered much about the adventures of Zach that he just never gets around to telling us, like going to a Klan rally and having snipers aiming at him. !

I left my wool sweater and two cold-weather shirts in Indiana, figuring I wouldn't be needing them anymore. Almost ditched the coat, too. When I got to G'boro, it was 58 degrees.

oooooooh. let me know what you and Shelly think of the EMP. I am dying to go there. Will you catch any shows?

I am taking off tomorrow from work and hope to send a long post. Stay tuned.

Wednesday, May 16, 2001

Seattle is the dope jam. But you knew that already. Me (Mike) and shelly walked all around town, caught a Mariers game (they won), ate some food, and are currety waiting for a pizza to arrive.

Soon: the EMP, the U district, a Dan clowes/Chris Ware art show, and perhaps some local band doing an in-store down the road a spell.

I bought a Smiths t-shirt today at Hot topic.

If you're over 25 and have a skateboard, you can join the club. We skate around Allston when we're not busy falling.

Friday: My 10,000th day on Earth. Crazy, huh?

I guess we're having all kinds of Blogger mini-reunions this week. I may see Stephanie this weekend. Funny.

Yes, ladies, I, four, have gone through the do what your parents want you to do. I got tired of it about 3 years ago and decided that I didn't want to do what my family wanted to do, nor the exact oppostite just for the sake of rebelling. That takes way too much freakin' energy, and Angie will do what Angie wants. I joke around and say that it my only child syndrome coming out.

No, doing what you want won't make your parents happy initially. But I firmly believe that they will have a lot more respect for you in the end. And if they don't, then it's their (control) issue and not yours.

I can go on forever about this topic, and if you ever need to bond on it, feel free to shoot me a line/give me a buzz.

i've had that same epiphany, upma & louise. i think angie has too. it is how we bonded in fact. good luck to you.
i could talk about the role my sikh friend's parents have in trying to marry her and her sister off even though the parents themselves were a disapproved love match. but i don't have the energy to type it all out right now. perhaps later.
mike is here. visiting is fun.

Wow. Upma, I think we won't be having any trouble coming up with conversational topics. And that living your life for your parents epiphany? I've had that epiphany. And the whole community-oriented vs individually-oriented. Yeargh. Tossing my stable life out the window and hitting the road has a lot to do with a lifetime of wanting to make my parents proud and trying to resolve being an individual with being part of a community. I'll save it for when I get there (which would be...tonight!).

Tuesday, May 15, 2001

vacation is supposed to be relaxing. i feel like a whirlwind of trying to get organized for my next phase of life. and as usual, i feel behind!! my trip home (as my trips home usually are) consisted mostly of eating and sleeping. and then farting around on the computer. and then in addition to feeling exhausted and stressed because of being around family i get lectured at too. of course i did get a new car...

one of the first things that my parents said to me when i got home was “we want you to think about getting married soon.” no joke. that’s exactly what they said. and it’s not the first time they’ve said that either.
i have NO IDEA how to handle this question/statement/order anymore. i mean... i have tried to tell them that:
1. i’m not anywhere near ready for such a step in my life
2. i can take care of myself just fine, i don’t need anyone’s help
3. this culture that they’ve brought me into is not like the one they grew up in... things are different here.

which leads me to the topic of arranged marriages. there are so many different ways the arranged marriage can be handled. there are 3 ways that i’m most familiar with that all happen in India.
the most “barbaric” (for lack of a better term) in my eyes is the kind where the parents promise the kids to each other before they’re even out of diapers. this is done usually for economic reasons... and the daughter is basically “sold” to the sons family in hopes that the slightly less poor sons family will give the daughters family some money. (this way is usually done in more poverty stricken areas)
then there’s the way where the parents play the total matchmaker. when the kids are of marrying age, they take out ads and post pictures of their kids and have interviews with other families. the parents end up making the final match and the kids have no say in who their life partner is. (i think that this way can happen in both rich and poor homes... i guess just the most conservative ones).
and the last way i’m familiar with is the way that my parents would LOVE to help make happen for me. it’s not really an “arranged” marriage in that the kids have the final say. but it still is “arranged” in the way that the parents are VERY involved by still conducting “interviews” (or having tea with the family). the parents just want to facilitate a meeting between the boy and the girl. sometimes the parents are a little less involved and don’t have the “interviews” or tea time. (my paretns just want to introduce me to some nice indian doctor boy... well... my dad wants to).

any of the above ways are absolutely unacceptable for me. i am way too independent to ever consider such an occurrence in my life. and my parents KNOW that. yet... they continue to pester me with “you really should consider getting married soon.” or “it’s high time you got married.” or “it’s really for medical reasons that you should get married now... it’s not healthy to have kids after you’re 35.” well... what my parents don’t know is that i really have no desire to bare children. i would love to have a kid. i just don’t think i ever want to be pregnant. that’s how i’m thinking right now at age 26... i feel like that clock woulda started ticking my now. OF COURSE... perhaps falling in love again will change that train of thought. i suppose it’s possible that i might find that out. but i’ll tell you... angie’s got the right idea... i think that your life partner should be your best friend.

i think that statistically, arranged marriages may last longer because in the cultures that the arranged marriages are performed, divorce is not usually an option. i know of some people who are married (arranged) but are not in love, and just co-habitate. co existence. that’s it. there’s nothing fruitful there. what a shitty life. it’s hard to live up to the pressures of these old-world cultures... you as an individual have no say. as much as i believe that it DOES take a village to raise a child, i also think that individualism is... well, it’s what keeps me sane. in a community oriented culture, you have no individualism... you have no I-identity. you answer to your elders for everything. and when you become the elder, you don’t know any other way than to keep the traditions and customs of what’s “right” and what will “look good” to others. it’s all about image. and i have a REALLY low tolerance for that.

which brings me to this. i had a sort of epiphany while i was at my parents home last week. i guess it’s something i knew all along... it just finally rang way too loud and clear last week. so... for 26 years i have been living my life for my parents. i did/do EVERYTHING with the goal of pleasing them. well, almost everything. they have/had so much control over my life. too much. and they know it... and i think they like it that way. my mother (as sweet as she can be sometimes) is a total control freak. and anything her daughter does is NEVER good enough for her. the thing is... we’re both perfectionists... and she’s just a more brilliant one. so her perfection is more perfect than mine and my perfect is never perfect in her eyes. it’s always hurt me a whole lot too... i don’t want it to. i want to live my life for me.

whew. sorry to rant so much. i’m glad you let me get all that off my chest though.

JT- it’s good to hear from you again! how was graduation in blacksburg? what did your brother study and what is he gonna do now? and how was DC? JT, i know this next statement is totally cheeseball, but i am. i just want to tell you that i’m really glad that you are my friend.

in fact. i’m really glad that all of you are my friends... you all rock so much!

Angie- i wish you luck with your family obligations... you’ll survive it just fine. (and hopefully they all will too!) :-) hang in there, girl!

Mike- hey! so, listen. i’m curious about the Over 25 Skateboard Club. what happens in this club? how’s seattle?

it's my first day of work. so... my boss is out of the office at the moment, and i think i've finished everything he wanted me to do while he was gone. i can't tell you how guilty i feel using the computer for fun (i.e. e.mail and lake effect) while at work. i suppose i'll get over it. or maybe not. i have a lot of stuff i wanna share with you guys.... it's interesting that louise makes a comment about arranged marriages... so much to say about that... hopefully i'll have time this week to sort out all the thoughts and post something coherent.
i don't know what to do, when i don't have anything to do.

Admittedly, I am a hopeless romantic, although I'm not so ignorant to think that puppy love lasts a lifetime. I guess what it boils down to is that I am looking for a lifelong friend. I could go on into way more detail about this, but essentially that is what it comes down to.

Michael, hope things work out.

Yesterday I had a meltdown of sorts at work. I've been super stressed about work, family and other things. But after having a heart to heart with a really close friend (you know, one of those 911 calls), I was all patched up. Can I just say that I have the BEST friends in the whole world?

Also caught up with a friend (Ricky Choi) who is a second year med student. We see each other maybe once every two years and talk a good talk once every six months. He's a great guy, and it was nice to catch up. We tend to philosophize about nothing.

I did read an article a while back about the way marriages were arranged in a particular village in Africa. The village elders made the selection and the couple had to live with it. Once a year, the married couple sits back to back in the middle of the village and yells as loudly as they want to all the things about their spouse that make them crazy. That apparently eases a lot of the tensions and helps them work things out. Not that I am recommending that Mike and Jan stand in the middle of Faneuil Hall and yell, mind.

I think marriage based solely on romantic love is doomed...well, that's the whole idea behind romantic love, it's ultimately doomed love. 'Course, I don't know how one goes about having a practical love.

Monday, May 14, 2001

I heard in a class that statisically speaking arranged marriages last longer and are happier than love matches. But statistics are never romantic. Also, a tv show I was watching the other week quoted Winston Churchill about democracy (excuse my possible misquotation) "Democracy is the worst form of government except for all those other forms" and then the show made the correlation that marriage was the same - the worst form, except for everything else.

Spent the weekend in a blur. I went and shot a race for my roommate (she was the race coordinator and could only pay me in restaurant gift certificates - no prob with that). Then I went to a pool party and won a raffle there (more food gift certificates). That night I had some wedding party work thing. The next day I spent packing - how do I have so much STUFF. I thought I'd have enough boxes; I was far off. Angie Joe - that would be so awesome if you were in town this weekend except that I'll be moving. My phone is supposed to get set up on Thursday so I'll email you the number once it's confirmed.

still, marriage based on love, is probably a silly idea.

Oh, not a fan of arranged marriages. If I am going to be "stuck" in a big relationship, I'd rather be able to pick my partner in crime, because I would hate to blame a failed marriage on my matchmaker/in-laws/family members. Hell, I can barely trust myself for my life choices, much less anyone else. Further, as you mentioned, what I want in a significant other is not what my parents want. Actually my aunt and uncle had an arranged marriage (about 25 or so years ago), and things for them are fine. Just not my cup of tea.

Anywhoot, finally saw the Forbidden City exhibit at the Museum of Natural Science this weekend. The only freakin' weekend day that it is open is on Sun., and I generally have a softball conflcit. But I was able to make it out there yesterday. Also saw this blue grass band called Hickory Hill on Sat. at this little community center.

Found out that Ray Charles will be performing at the blues festival in Austin this weekend. Steph, I'm trying to get out there. I should know by Wed. or Thurs. if it is a go or not.

I feel like my life has been in such the whirlwind over the last two weeks. Work has been crazed. Personal life crazed. Apartment is a federal disaster area. Phew!

Sunday, May 13, 2001

I’ve been thinking about arranged marriages. Historically the norm, done for reasons political, treating women as chattel yet not always ignoring the compatibility of two people for a lifetime of partnership. I haven’t heard much about the relative success of arranged marriages, some about the failures of arranged marriage (which seem to have more to do with the mother-in-law than with the husband). The thought that people older and wiser than myself could present me with options has its appeal. Of course, what my parents would want in a son-in-law is not necessarily what I would want in a husband, and although their marriage is a happy one I do not recommend the manner in which they went about eventually getting married. It should have failed, and it didn’t. I don’t wish to avail myself of the services of a professional matchmaker; but I do think it’s an interesting concept.

Saturday, May 12, 2001

McDonalds in the UK now has a tandoori chicken on naan bread, since curry is the #1 flavour in Britain.

Tonight I'm making caramelized onion pizza, which I have been craving ever since I helped Shelly make some (I just chopped stuff, she was the chef). I'm thinking I might want to pull a frozen pizza out for backup. Mine doesn't look bad, just...insubstantial. I underestimated the amount of onion - it's not naked, but I don't think it's going to make it as a single topping.

Ladies, congrats on your new vehicles. I drove an SUV today and felt silly. I drove about two blocks from the Bloomingfoods co-op to Borders...I pulled into the parking lot and thought, hm, I could have walked. I had actually overshot the mall Borders is in because I didn't expect it to be so close. Everything in Bloomington is close together, surrounding Indiana University. Then you drive ten minutes out of Bloomington and it's wilderness. I'd think about staying here longer, like for the summer, but there's something about downtown Bloomington that mildly creeps me out, and I can't figure out what it is.

all car salesmen are stinky stink and sucky suck.
even so, i think i'm the proud new owner of a silver VW jetta. it won't be in my possesion (sp) till next week though. my first car is/was a 91 toyota camry... i'm VERY sad to loose it. steph, i wish i could sell it to you... i don't want it to go to some mean stranger... i'm really attached to it.
accords and camry's are great cars.
i can't wait until i can afford to buy a BMW.
i'm cooking lunch and dinner for mom (and the family) tomorrow... i figure veggie/potato burgers for lunch... but dinner? anyone got suggessions? mom's vegetarian all of a sudden, which rules out my original plan of tandoori chicken.
later skaters

Friday, May 11, 2001

Steph, you should check out the Honda Accord. I LOVE my Accord. I don't think I could drive anything else.

the only bad thing about mine is that I bought it from my parents, and it is white. Yuck! So freakin' easy to dirty. I'm more of a red or a silver kind of a girl.

I think a Toyota Camry.

steph, what kind of car(s) are you looking into? tell us when the big purchase is finalized, huh?
good luck!

zach, is enemy at the gate worth seeing? i'm gonna try for momento tomorrow night with my bro.

Thursday, May 10, 2001

i think the jetta is a go! *excited* we'll see though... my dad likes to play devil's advocate a lot.

today for lunch, potatoes n yellow squash (indian style, of course).
maybe i can get more paneer too! i LOVE paneer. it's my fave. well... one of. and my mom makes it GOOOD.

man o man i have loads to tell ya... but i can't really write here, no privacy in this place.

I used to borrow a friend's Jetta every once in a while, and I really liked driving it. It feels like you can steer it with your butt.

I'm not sure how long yesterday was. I flew from London to Chicago (upgraded to business class again, no extra charge - yay!) and then got literally the last seat on the flight from Chicago to Indianapolis. I'm back in the woods again; Brad just looked up and said "welcome home" when I walked in. And then looked at Maya (the cat with the abbreviated tail) and said "Look! Mommy is home!" Her tail looks a lot better; the vet trimmed it down and sewed it so it just looks like a very short tail. It got shaved, so it looks a bit strange, but not nearly as unsettling as it used to. Southern Indiana is gorgeous and the weather is just about perfect. Sunny without being blazing hot and not chilly until nightfall. I'm liking this place more and more.

Upma, I made paneer once, for a dish of saag paneer. One of the eaters thought it was tofu. To think I could have saved myself the time...but I love the way paneer squeaks between your teeth.

Mike, say hello to Seattle for me. I don't think Shelly and Jacob would be allowed to live anywhere but Capitol Hill, unless CH embarked on some kind of hipification project for hopelessly gentrified areas.

Angie Joe - I don't know when I'll make it to Houston. My next few weekends go something like this: this one: buy car, next one: move, one after that: memorial day picnic, after that: my sister's in Austin, after that: going to Mexico for my birthday, after that: going camping in Fentress and tubing down the river, but maybe the next weekend (now I'm sounding like you :)
I'm not sure where to suggest shopping in New Orleans. I'd just walk down Magazine street and check out all the cool stores there.
And I love your sappy shit. That's great. More people should take risks like that.
I'm going to see Willie next week. Should be a great show. Mike - I saw the Champs here about two years ago. Pretty entertaining.

I am in dealership HELL. I keep getting told one thing over the phone, then when I go in, it's a different (and more expensive story). Probably because I'm a young girl car shopping on her own that I'm getting jerked around. I'll be so glad when this is all over.
Upma - the Jetta is sweet. The last guy I dated drove one, and I loved it. Great design and fun to drive. And much better color selection than other places.

JT -- I feel like such a lame ass following you with my feeble post.

Steph, will you be making it to Houston in May? I'll be around this weekend for sure and probably next weekend (Kyle's not coming after all).

Can't remember if I mentioned but I'l be going home for a short trip over Memorial Day. Getting some QT with the fam and some work done on my car. Also looking for a couple of New Orleanian type pieces to decorate my walls. I hear that this year's Jazz Fest poster is amazing. It celebrated Stachmo's 100 b-day, but I already have a very nice Louis print. I think I want a fleur de lys of sorts. Shell/Steph let me know if you can think of any cool places I can shop at. Will also be going with a friend to an engagement party in Ponchatula that same weekend. My dad and I will probably bond over some gumbo and raw oysters. Taking mom out for a late Mother's Day gift.

I am such the sappy shit romantic that I have to share (that's my warning for those of you who don't care for this type of thing). I bought Charlie a going away card that said, "Gotchya on my mind." Then I wrote in "And this is for when you have me on yours," and I included a calling card. He leaves today and gets back the first week in June.

In the meantime, I have some family obligations toward the end of the month. My aunt in Houston is having hysterectimy (really bad spelling), and I need to cook/clean, etc. for her and my grandma for a little over a week. It will be a test of my character, and after all is said and done, if I don't beat someone's ass to a pulp, then I deserve to be cannonized.

My life feels like it has been in such the whirlwind these days - with work, family, play, etc. Am looking forward to bringing it back home this weekend.

It's been entirely too long.

Just as school was over June in buffalo madness began and is still going strong. I'm heading to DC today for about 5 days. My brother is graduating from Upma's alma mater, Virginia Tech. It should be alright, haven't seen the family in about 5 months, it requires getting a hair cut but that's OK, It's finally getting warm around here and after dying my hair a few times the damage has already been done. i think I might start wearing wigs for a while instead. On the upside I might get a day in the city to check out the Museums, at least all of the free ones, well maybe not all the free ones, there are a lot of free Museums in DC, that's what I like about it.

While May 5 isn't such a big holiday here in Buffalo, this last weekend marked the 100th anniversary of the opening of the Pan American Exposition. You know, Tesla lights up buffalo with AC Power from Niagra Falls, edison gets pissed about it and electrocutes an elephant, Mckinley gets shot in front of the temple of music, the beginning of the end for Buffalo.

There were a ton of openings including a Squeaky Wheel benefit that Julia and I volunteered at, as well as designed a small light installation for. We basically put our peeps on a record player with a christmas ornament sized disco ball in the middle, put a box over the whole thing, cut out some "peep" holes and supplied the following text:

While many people believe that the feud between Thomas Edison and Nikola Tesla erupted over AC vs. DC, the real cause for dispute can be traced to a much smaller, yet equally awesome project, the only collaborative work undertaken by the two inventors.

Known to intimates and close friends as the "Reflect-O-Scope" (Edison) or the "Great Equalizer" (Tesla), the important device was to be unveiled at the Pan American Exposition of 1901 at a special event commemorating the Greek myth of Apollo and Narcissus. Due to poor publicity, the event was only attended by 33 people, none of whom could remember exactly what took place in that darkened amphitheater.

It would take 70 years for the powerful instrument to resurface, albeit in a distorted form, in the Americas. Based on limited available documentation, a scale model has been created in an effort to imagine what it must have been like for those 33 people who were fortunate enough to have witnessed the beginning of an era before it ever happened.


There were a lot of great installations there including one by Tony Conrad. I still think that guy is so great. I think he's performing sometime soon, maybe in about a month.

Glad to see everyone is doing well, buying cars, going to rock shows, playing in rock shows, spring crushing, travelling the world, that kind of thing. Buffalo is a very pleasant place at the moment. It will probably remain that way for the rest of the summer, enough so that I will even recommend it to any of you wayward travellers, my doors are open. at some point I imagine I'll have more time to write.

Wednesday, May 09, 2001

me too. we went to look at the jetta and the protege today... the VW guy was actually kinda cool to deal with. he told us all about the car and went with us on the test drive, was very friendly and knowledgeable (sp). the mazda guy... stinky stink. didn't tell us anything about the car... just gave it to us to test it out, and when we got back tried to sell us 3 other cars.
i really like the jetta....

michael, rock out some for me too. i love the F'in Champs.

that flyer is very john rash. that creature-thing kinda scares me.

oops - that's dealerships - not dealerhips - but that's kind of funny.

I hate car dealerships. I hate car dealerhips with the burning heat of a thousand suns.

who is trollydodger?
shopping today.

Tuesday, May 08, 2001

The Dirty Version is us.

In "Up On Cripple Creek" the live version, by the Band, all the singers in the group, sing this line together: "I guess I'll call up my big mama!" I don't know why but I just listened to it twice, just for that. It's fun to sing.

Our washer died a spectacular death. It started oozing green oil and leaking puddles of water. So, I went down to Suds and Duds to do my laundry. I've decided I kinda like going to the laundrymat, especially on a quiet afternoon. I got a lot of reading in and, I don't know, the whole thing seemed quaint. Apparently, cute girls come there too. A girl with a tough forearm tattoo was hanging out, but she was with a guy. And even if she wasn't...

Then the band had possibly the worst practice ever. All my new lyrics seem weird. And everyone was playing badly. Our newest song, the one I had new lyrics for, is about seven or eight minutes long, which is great when we play it well, but, goddamn, when it's bad it's bad for eight minutes. Benji wanted us to play it twice in a row. It was putrid both times. We were miserable. We gave up early.

John made a flyer for the show at Ceder St. I'll try to find some way to post it. If I figure it out, i'll post some pictures of Thad's baby (when it comes) and anything else you guys want.

In the last day and half I've eaten six Smart Dogs (with mustard, ketchup, and sweet, sweet relish), i'm going to die.

Man, I have nothing at all to write to you folks about. I got new checks. John bought the Monty Python dvd box set. My life is pretty slow these days.

for lunch i had rice, goat curry and paneer (cheese).
then tea time came with pineapple birthday cake. yum!
more details later.

I am amused by my mom's day card. Everyone else will think it's corny, but oh well. It said, "Sending you love in this card, because my dirty laundry wouldn't fit." Ha! Actually I do my own laundry whenever I am home, but I can always assure you that I have a minimum of three loads that I do for every trip.

A washer/dryer and a good CD collection are my two measures. For some people it's money, real estate, fancy cars/houses. Hell, you can be a wife beater/child molester but as long as you have good CD's and a place where I can do my laundry, you're ALRIGHT with me. Ha!

Upma, do tell, what are the good eats your mother will be stuffing you with?

speaking of comfort foods... i'm headed to va beach this mornin. moms will cook good eats like CRAZY because:
1. both of her darling children will be home
2. one of them just graduated grad school (barely, i think).
3. the other one is her favorite person in the world
4. it's dad's birthday

dude. she is gonna be so giddy today, i'm not sure if i'll be able to handle it. entertainment.

Angie Joe, thank you thank you thank you for the Mother's Day reminder. I think it's too late for me to send anything, but I will remember to call. My mother's birthday was in April, and due to the time difference I called her when it was evening over there. She said, "oh, I thought you had forgotten!" Argh. As if she would have been at home anyway; she had just gotten home when I called. If I forget Mother's Day I'll be in for it.

I've been having an interesting time at the youth hostel (Earl's Court); the travellers staying here can't tell where I'm from and generally aren't sure if I speak English. Two Australians merrily bashed Americans for two hours in the lounge while I sat at the next table writing postcards. I didn't bother to let on that I have a U.S. passport; I have little patience for the Ugly American tourist myself. But when three boys from Quebec sat down at my table and one of them started talking about me, I couldn't help myself. I don't think he said anything inappropriate (my French isn't very good, and Quebecois is a dialect I've never had to deal with before), but when he asked me a question about an English term in a help wanted ad, I answered him very calmly in French. It was fascinating to watch the realization dawn on him. " speak French." At which point I merrily protested (in French, with a very good accent and an abundance of Gallic body language), that I don't speak very much or very well. And then they found out I was from Hawaii. One of them is a surfer, if you can call surfing in the St Lawrence river surfing. Now the one who thought he could talk about me in front of my face is always smiling at me and giving me puppy eyes. Well, if he wasn't 18 and I wasn't leaving tomorrow...

The homesickness decamped after my first good night of sleep and a call home. Grr. I finally get used to the 5 hour time difference, and now I'll have to start all over again! Oh, and I've been comfort fooding like crazy. I don't remember seeing little cartons of fruit fool and mousse in the grocery stores the last time I was here, but its a wonderfully healthy combination of fruit, yogurt, fromage frais and heavy cream. Yummmmmmm. And buckets of tea! Also bought a very good organic milk mature cheddar and ate it with decent bread. Tonight I plan on having thick greasy chips and a falafel kebab.

Monday, May 07, 2001

Reminder: this Sunday is Mother's Day. I almost forgot. Need to get a card in the mail by tomorrow. I always forget these damn things. Rrrrrrgh.

Did I mention that I have absolutely no patience when it comes to anything? I guess it is the one "only child syndrome" trait that I just can't shake. Ok, maybe I'm a bit demanding, too, but what can you do? I'm just thankful that I am not a titty baby.

i was held up at gunpoint a few years back inside my friend's house. i hope you are ok, thad. it really screwed up my head for a while. i'm not entirely sure that it wasn't a finalizing factor in moving me FAR out of the south. not that violence can't happen anywhere but...

Thad, that is some crazy ass shit. I was held up at gun point with my mom when I was like 5 years old. The guy stole our car.

Weezie, can't say anything else about curing the homesick blues that someone has not already said. And like you mentioned, you can always go back. Eating comfort food or calling a friend from home generally does the trick for me.

Work is going to suck, suck, suck the next few days. Wish me a small miracle.

Net and Jason are so good at "home stuff." I mean, I can cook and do laundry, but I suck at decorating type things. My tastes are so ecclectic, and I'm afraid to put everything I like up for fear that it would look retarded together. Anyways, we hung my Louis Armstrong print and a Matisse print called "Music" in the living room. I'm pretty pleased with it. Now I want to get something Louisiana-themed (probably a Fleur de Lys or something), something Texas-y and probably a cross. Oh I need a new clock, too.

I bought these new, funky shoes this weekend. I love crazy shoes, but they have to be comfortable. They are beach-like flip flops. A purple/lavender color, and they have these hug ass purple daisies that go over the top of my feet. I look like I'm 12 years old in them, but I don't care. Not sure what I will wear them with and they are completely impractical, but it was love at first sight.

Sunday, May 06, 2001

blacksburg was FUN. i got there around noon, met my friend Rene, we chilled at the coffee shop for a bit, got lunch at the New Orleans style restaurant, walked around, played a game of pool, got more coffee and then i left. my whole trip lasted 9 hours... (3 driving up, 3.5 in town, 2.5 driving home).

i blew off the film night that my dept was having because i was in too good of a mood to deal with those people.

yesterday was cinco de mayo. i’m not sure if the northerners celebrate this holiday so much... but i’m sure the holiday will get bigger and bigger with each passing year. i was invited to about 3 things... none of which i attended because i a) couldn’t choose and b) didn’t feel like going anyway. i think i’ve been a bit of an anti-social mood lately. i stayed at home and watched Hype! (my “friend” that e.mailed me the other day’s first movie). Hype! is documentary about the grunge movement. it was pretty fun to watch.

today, i’m gonna have lunch with a friend, then i’m going to my friends (multiple friends) art opening (thesis show), then a birthday party/bbq. i also rented Girlfight and Magnolia last night, so maybe i’ll watch those... but i also noticed that Momento is played at a theatre near me and i really wanna go see it. *shrug* i guess i’ll figure it out. i like freedom!!

OH-- i forgot to mention... the best part about leaving town on friday was coming home to see a box on my porch.... my friend that works for Eighteenth Street Lounge music sent me a package of 10 cd’s! TEN CD’S! they’re all pretty good too... (except i don’t really like the Thievery Corp so much... so those 3 are so-so... but they were a gift! on the other hand, Ursula 1000... YEAH!)

Thad, i’m glad you’re ok. sounds like you’re in a bit of a shock... (yes?) which of course is completely understandable. i can’t imagine such a moment being anything but surreal. *big hug*

Michael, come down to NC with your friends in June!! it’ll be fun.

Yikes! Thad, I'm glad you made it through that experience okay. It is an odd sort of transaction; it's a situation in which those involved generally know their role (I can't believe I'm quoting The Rock).

The homesick sits far in the background and doesn't say much. I know that I can go back to Hawaii any time I want to. Right now, though, what I want is things like more than one pair of shoes and a full-size bar of soap. It's not that a big bar of soap in itself will make me happy; it's everything that goes along with being able to get a big bar of soap (especially the part where I don't wonder if it's going to fit in my bag).

I bought a cheap coat yesterday from the sort of guy who wouldn't be entirely out of place in a Guy Ritchie film. "They're all samples, darling, beautiful! Samples for next season, you see." Cash only, no receipt of course. Place just a little hole in the wall. Samples. Could be; could be samples tha just fell off the lorry, luv. At any rate, it's not a coat that will last until next season; the buttons need to be sewn on better and for gosh sakes don't tug on any loose threads, the whole lot will come to pieces. I get the feeling that the fabric (some kind of wool blend, I'm sure maybe 5% wool and the rest recycled plastic) will melt away given enough water. It's warm, that's all I care. I'd forgotten just how chilly it is here.

I'm going to be roasting when I get back to the US. All the same, I can't bring myself to part with my wool sweater, which at this point would make a good lining for a cat nest. Fuzzy with lint, holes in it. Still warm, and a source of continuity. It's the sweater I wore when I lived here, one of the few things I took back with me. I keep trying to justify hauling its bulk around when really it would probably be best to leave it here. I'll bet you it makes it to Indiana.

at about 2:30, i and a co-worker, was robbed at gunpoint. all they took was the deposit from the theater and noone was hurt. it's odd because i never thought "oh shit i might get shot" all i thought was "this isn't how i thought it would be". the gun didn't look sinister. it looked kinda small really. the other guy, doug, really freaked out and doesn't really remember much. i caught alot of really odd detail. like i think he was short because his pants looked like those of a short person. that sounds absolutely insane.i can't remeber his hands, but i can remember his chin. it's just weird. i feel like should be able to talk about it all night. i can't explain why i'm so calm about it. they just wanted the money. at first i thought it was a joke. i was about to beat the ass of someone who thought this would be funny.

i wish meredith would have the baby.

Saturday, May 05, 2001

Carrboro and Chapel Hill are basically the same place. Most of the rock clubs there are located in Carrboro, but it's all two skips from Franklin Street, which pretty much is Chapel Hill. From Greensboro, you can be at Cat's Cradle in about 45 mins-1 hour depending on the route you take. From Hickory (where Thadder is) it would take about 2 1/2 hours.

I finished seeing one of the lousiest house shows ever. The first two band were so-so. the last band, Malabaster, were playing their last show and had this look of smugness, because the house was so packed, that I couldn't stand much of. Plus, they're really not that great. And the house was hooooot. And all the indie rock alcoholics were out. I need a shower.

Saw the Mummy Returns and have nothing to say about it, except that Rachel Weisz is the love of my life. She puts a little light into my wretched, lonely emptiness. And I guess that's really sad.

I'm sorry you're feeling homesick, Louise. I get that feeling whenever I'm away too. Just keep busy, remember that you're going home eventually and enjoy yourself.

Shelly, all those injuries from playing soccer must raise a few eyebrows.

It sounds like I got out of Boston just in time to miss the broiling weather. I might go to Maine for the Memorial Day weekend, which would mean going into Boston again; Mike, I'll call you if I do.

I went to the National Gallery, National Portrait Gallery, and Tate British yesterday. Was planning to take a pub tour last night, but I waited at the wrong entrance to the subway and missed the group. Oh well, still have time to do that later. Today after getting a warm jacket I think I'll head for the V&A or maybe Kew Gardens.

I keep telling myself to keep traveling until June. Just stick it out for a few more weeks. Anyone have advice on how to kick the homesick blues?

Friday, May 04, 2001

jacob sold our car finally. i sprained or dislocated or something, my big toe while playing soccer.

So I think the crush has moved to friend status. Oh, well, that was fun for a few days while it lasted.
Went to a three hour Survivor party last night (congrats Mike - your girl Tina won). Ate rice and drank Australian wine and groaned and celebrated in a room with the same people I've been watching all the episodes with.
Am still stressing out over all things car. I need to decide in the next two weeks what to do since my car lease will be up. Car dealerships give me the creeps, but Austin isn't a non-car-having friendly town. I don't know what to do. Everyone I talk to gives me different advice.
But besides that, I have a super fun Kentucky Derby party to go to tomorrow. Tonight I plan on decorating a straw hat with minature plastic horses with numbers on their back and maybe some fake mint sprigs.
Angie - congrats on the Boston boy. Yeah!!
Upma - congrats on being done - you should treat yourself to a spa treatment or massage or something to unwind and start the whole first day of the rest of your life thing.

I should start by saying that it has been a VERY long time.

On Wed. night, "Boston" and I went out and had the most AMAZING time. Literally, this guy came out from nowhere and he's introduced a whole new color to my world. Scared shitless? You bet your ass I am! And as with anything, Angie has to want the difficult thing. He is home maybe one week out of the entire month, because he travels so much for his job. But I have a feeling that this thing will stand on its own if we just let it. Sorry to be so sappy gross, but I had to share.

Anyways, Net and Jason are in town this weekend. We're hitting House of Pies for a late night snack tonight. Definitely making it to DSW - the largest shoe store in the world likely - and wherever else the wind takes us. Tuesday is my client's big launch so I may be in a bad mood until late next week. I think I'm going home for Memorial Day weekend; I hadn't been since Turkey Day.

Just wrote a long entry and then hit sign out instead of post. *sigh*

Zach, Upma, I plan to fly out of London on Wednesday to Chicago. From there I can get a flight into Greensboro that lands in the evening. Would that be ok with y'all? Please let me know ASAP. I'd be there at least a week.

On the 2nd, I said goodbye to my sister at Logan airport and then went to Cambridge for the Harvard Art Museums. It got up to 90 degrees that day, so by the time I got back to Logan I was feeling pretty rank. Cleaned up as best I could in the restroom, and then got upgraded to Business on the flight. Lovely. I still don't enjoy plane travel, but this took most of the sting out of it.

Arrived yesterday; London does not feel foreign but it no longer feels like home. Went to the Tate Modern and sat in a room of Rothko paintings and felt very choked up and homesick for a bit; the "Red on Maroon" series looked just how I felt at the time. I don't have a home to miss, really, what I miss is family and having a routine. I've made a pact with myself to try to keep going until June. I know that if I go home now, I'll be content for just a few days and then wanting to run off again. I think once I'm with friends again I'll be happier. I really loved being in Indiana; I may go back there for the summer if the job in Madison WI doesn't work out.

Thursday, May 03, 2001

ok. so...

MONDAY: i had my thesis film screening. it went very well. i was totally terrified the whole time... in fact.. i was super anxious all day (i couldn’t eat). the screening was in a room that seats about 150-200 people. i’d say the room was close to half full. it was a little overwhelming to see all those people... everyone of whom i knew (except for two).
Dr. Frierson (my thesis chair) introduced me... and then i had to introduce the film... i know my voice cracked. then we showed the film. and then we had a Q&A thing afterwards... *terrified* ... i wanted to escape. but... they kept asking questions...

TUESDAY: nothing too exciting...

WEDNESDAY: did my last student duties ever. went to an in-store at the record store... one of my old friends bands from blacksburg played!! it was awesome... well... i’m not sure that anyone that was there really liked the band... i did, but i think it was for more nostalgic reasons. anyway... that was totally cool. i felt like doing something big afterwards... but i was too tired.

THURSDAY: the first day of freedom. i wanted it to be exciting... i was gonna do stuff and have fun and be happy. but, when i checked my e.mail in the morning, my fave professor (also my thesis chair) e.mailed me about my grade for the film. he said i shouldn’t be disappointed, (even though he knew i would be), and that i had a lot to look forward too and blah blah blah. but, even his nice words couldn’t ease my disappointment. the grade REALLY doesn’t matter. no one else will ever need to know. in the bigger scheme of things... this really does not matter. but... i’m sad. and my whole day was kinda icky after that. “anticlimactic.”
and then i get an e.mail from a filmmaker that i met in Austin. his kind words and encouragement totally.... it makes the bad grade not so important for real.

FRIDAY: i’m going to blacksburg for a few short hours... and then i need to be back in town to go to another film thing. and then, *hopefully* i’ll get to hang out with elvis.

well. today is "the first day of the rest of my life." i've got a lot i want to share with you guys... but i'll get to that later.

Tuesday, May 01, 2001

papers suck!!!!!!!
yuck yuck yuck.