Monday, February 28, 2005

My parent's came down yesterday and my mom brought me a giant bag of jelly beans. Seriously, like five pounds of jelly beans. I think she wants me dead.

I don't want to be the kind of person that can eat five pounds of jelly beans.

Does the Salvation Army take jelly beans?

I will not eat them. I will not eat them.

Maybe I should just throw them away.

My parent's came down yesterday and my mom brought me a giant bag of jelly beans. Seriously, like five pounds of jelly beans. I think she wants me dead.

I don't want to be the kind of person that can eat five pounds of jelly beans.

Does the Salvation Army take jelly beans?

I will not eat them. I will not eat them.

Maybe I should just throw them away.

My parent's came down yesterday and my mom brought me a giant bag of jelly beans. Seriously, like five pounds of jelly beans. I think she wants me dead.

I don't want to be the kind of person that can eat five pounds of jelly beans.

Does the Salvation Army take jelly beans?

I will not eat them. I will not eat them.

Maybe I should just throw them away.

My parent's came down yesterday and my mom brought me a giant bag of jelly beans. Seriously, like five pounds of jelly beans. I think she wants me dead.

I don't want to be the kind of person that can eat five pounds of jelly beans.

Does the Salvation Army take jelly beans?

I will not eat them. I will not eat them.

Maybe I should just throw them away.

Saturday, February 26, 2005

Forgot to mention minor baking discovery. When I made my sister's birthday cake earlier this week, I put the leftover batter in a Pyrex bowl, tucked the leftover chocolate chips into the center, and baked it. It's awesome - you can eat the cake right out of the bowl! Can't quite explain why eating it right out of the bowl is so brilliant, so you just have to try it.

Friday, February 25, 2005

The PR finale was unbelievably good, even if they didn't give Austin's "decoy" show airtime. There is a video clip on the Bravo website, but the quality is crappy and I want to see the clothes, damnit. Reportedly he had only a month to put his collection together, so I can understand some of the quality not being quite up to his usual. I didn't love his collection as much as I wanted to, either, but I've been reading about the French Revolution so maybe his tricornes and leather have unfair competition from transparent diaphanous gowns accessorized with thin red ribbon chokers. One of my sisters will not be swayed and thinks Kara was robbed; I admit I'm biased because I would wear just about everything in Jay's collection and I love his use of knits, hand-crocheted items, and mad quilting. That beaded aqua lace ponchette is going to get copied a lot. And dang the man is good for a soundbite. Now if you will excuse me I have to go sell my plasma so I can buy one of those skirts (yes I could make one myself but let me tell you the extent of that man's genius is such that selling my own plasma would be so worth it).

Thursday, February 24, 2005

Hello all. Sorry I've been out of pocket.

Since my last post, I've celebrated a b-day, and I attended a Buddhist pufication smoke offering.

The purification thing was the coolest. We were celebrating the 80th b-day of the teacher of that particular sect. He's in Southeast Asia somewhere.

Last night I talked my neighbor into watching West Wing at his house, so that I could tape Alias at mine. We both have dogs, so I brought Sandy for the visit. The neighbor lives just around the corner, so I didn't feel the need to bring a poop baggy. Of course, we pull up to the house, and she lays down a huge pile of a present. I apologized profusely and offered to clean up after her but my neighbor was cool about it.

Anyone going to South by Southwest this year?

highlights of the week:
The Project Runway finale, I love Jay! Kanui - wasn't that awesome.
Also - attending a midnight showing of a Buffy Musical sing-a-long. The MC was great, we had props, I dorked out and sang every song.
Spending President's Day working on my new photo series, Outside the Greenhouse.

Monday, February 21, 2005

I am way behind deadline for one of my submissions and I'm biting my lip about a submission proposal I'm putting together. The announcement was short notice, the deadline is coming up fast, and I don't want my mouth to write a check my ass can't cash. I also get out of bed two or three times a night to scribble down more notes and do quick sketches as things pop into my head. Dangit. Trip to the yarn store tomorrow morning and a serious sit-down talk with myself.

Also quite annoyed that I haven't seen the most recent episode of PR - I had to work late that night and haven't had a chance to see the rerun yet. The episode that caused me such grief appears to be on every time I turn on the TV, though.

Recent bad dreams:

Standing in the kitchen with a serial killer. I'm really pissed off at him and we're arguing about something. I think he's wearing a hockey mask. I'm getting angrier and start yelling for someone to call 911 already and then I wake up, still really pissed off.

One of my friends tells me she's pregnant and my blood runs cold. U, you know how this is. I don't even have to be the pregnant one for it to go all nightmare in a dream.

Friday, February 18, 2005

Your mother.

And then, of course, there is the question of the year in which the joke takes place. If it's between 1969 and 1974, for example. Post-1974 there's the Hank Aaron situation, and then post-1999 the Ruth vs DiMaggio debate takes on new meaning (re: 1969).

Honestly, though, I'm just provoking you. In the question of who is the greatest, don't mess with the Sicilians.

You'll have to wait for the tell-all book, to be published when I am old and gray. Suffice to say that ratings are skewed based on factors like who looked the best in tight pants. At the end of the day, Vince, Dominic and Joe were all great guys. Just ask their mother!

The dog doesn't specify which DiMaggio.

Thursday, February 17, 2005

Didn't the dog mean to say "Ted?"

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

I had the best singles V-day ever. A couple friend of mine asked me to dinner, and they invited a gay friend of theirs. The gay friend's partner was out of town, so he was my hot date. After last night, he went around telling people what a great kisser I am!

Also, some friends of mine got me a gift card to Build-A-Bear. Over the weekend, I made me a monkey in a V-day outfit ("love bug" complete with wings). I named him Manny, because he's my MAN. I brought him to the office, and he was a big hit!

Monday, February 14, 2005

yes yes yes, i want THAT vodka!
i picked up the keys to my new place today. that place is so much better than i remembered. please come visit sometime!
i still think valentines day is the worst. but, i do like those cards, k.
24 is so great.
i think i finally found a swimming pool in center city. but membership is steeeeeeeeeep. it still might be worth it.

Sunday, February 13, 2005

U, I think Z is using elementary (school) logic to make a V-Day appeal to the ladies with the jokes. Want some of this vodka that increases intelligence, improves judgement, contains more antioxidants than a bucket of blueberries and makes Grey Goose taste cheap? Oh, just have a bottle, I've got a case sitting right here. You'll need it; I'm feeling a little immature tonight:

A neutron walks into a bar. "I'd like a beer" he says.
The bartender promptly serves up a beer.
"How much will that be?" asks the neutron.
"For you?" replies the bartender, "no charge"

Saturday, February 12, 2005

Mike, that horse joke is my favorite joke of all time.

Friday, February 11, 2005

are you getting all these jokes from foxy chris?
or are you super bored at work and the only good book is _100 Bad Jokes_?

Okay guys, two more jokes:

A bear walks into a bar.

The bartender asks, "What can I get you?"

The bear replies, "I'll have a gin . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . and tonic."

The bartender asks, "Why the big pause?"

The bear replies, "I was born with them."

---

A skeleton walked into a bar.

"What'll it be?", asked the barman.

"I'll have a beer and a mop," said the skeleton.

k. can you please hand me one of those sodas? thank you.

Closet? What closet? This is my Happy Place, complete with cigarettes that won't kill you, sodas that taste like Pepsi and are chock-full of vitamins, and a TV channel devoted to reruns of Law & Order and CSI that you haven't seen yet. And you have GOT to try the coffee!

Mike, PR has left me far too upset to comprehend what you are talking about. That I have my fingers stuck in my ears and am singing tunelessly to myself while you speak might not be helping either.

Thursday, February 10, 2005

When the Patriots thoroughly spanked the Colts, I was mean about it to a heartbroken Colts fan. Why, hello karmic justice in the form of this weeks Project Runway! Much, much screaming. My favorite Diesel jeans nearly torn by my baby sister. Frantic phone calling. The name Wendy, which I once associated with happy memories of Peter Pan (the book by JM Barrie, not the Disney...thing), has now been tainted. The spice I once enjoyed so much is going to have to take a rest. Oh. Oh, I need to spend another 10 minutes fanning myself a la Jay McCarroll (<--- with a name like that you KNOW he's a winner), repeating my new mantra, also a la Jay. Otherwise there will be no sleep tonight. Oh. Oh, I need a strong cup of tea, and wouldn't you know it, we're fresh out. Ohhhh.

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Z, my 15-yr old self laughed and then was like, totally going to just walk in front of a bus and end it all but that would be unfair to people commuting on public transportation. 15-yr old self has been informed that she will be introduced to you in...what is it, 6 years? Which means that I've known you for almost 10, I think. omg, the next time I see a Hummer I will totally throw myself in its path and just end it all already.

The almost 15-yr old in residence here responded to the goldfish joke with:

"Two men and a duck walk into a bar. Ow ow quack!"

Hey Kainui, another joke:

Two goldfish were in their tank.
One turns to the other and says,
"You man the guns, I'll drive."

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

z, My 15 yr old self would read the jokes you have posted especially for me and be rather bewildered to find that a) I have slept in your bed and b) have had catfights with U over which one of us gets to marry you. "I know that 'sense of humor' is in the top 5, but does this really count?"

happy mardi gras. happy new year. happy football.

if i were 15 again and i met myself currently at 30, i would be nothing less than amazed and in awe of myself. i don't think i ever thought at age 15 that i would be a somewhat attractive, somewhat sophisticated, clearer complexioned, too independent for my own good, woman. i'd love that i have cooler clothes and shoes. i'd drool all over my CD collection. and i'd scream with joy at the beau. i might be slightly surprised that i'm not married or have kids, i can't remember how i felt about that sort of thing in that decade. five years later i'd want nothing to do with marriage or kids for the rest of my existence thus far. if i were to chat it up with my 15 year old self, i'd tell her to keep her chin up, and maybe impart a few other pointers to make the next 15 a little smoother. i might take her shopping so she'd look like less of a dork. definitely i would tell her not to quit exercising, never. we must, we must, we must prevent the gut. (haaa! that last line cracks up the 15 and the 30 year old me!).

Kainui, another joke:


What's big and yellow and doesn't swim?

A bulldozer

Happy Mardi Gras to all! Today is my last day of desserts for the next 40 plus days.

Since I don't eat meat on Ash Wed. (tomorrow), my aunt and I are celebrating Chinese New Year tonight instead. I'm making soy sauce chicken, steamed fish and black bean squash and asparagus. You're supposed to have like five dishes, all of which have different meanings. For instance, you eat noodles for longevity (you shouldn't cut them up though), chicken (b/c the word has two meanings, chicken and world, so I guess it means worldly), fish stands for prosperity I think. You're also supposed to serve a dessert soup or oranges afterwards to keep life sweet, essentially.

My 15 year old self would be freaked to learn that I still am not yet married. She would however like all of my friends (I still hang with a loud, silly, gregarious crew) and be pleased to learn that I'm not a fuddy duddy.

Monday, February 07, 2005

Hey Kainui, a joke:


A robot walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We
don't serve robots."

The robot says, "You will."

The 15 year old me would probably be stoked that I'm in a rock band. But, nearly everything else would be a disappointment for the guy. Not that I agree with him. I was convinced I'd be something else at 29. I think I figured I'd have a family and a cool job and money. And I have none of those things. The 15 year old me and the current me are actually a lot alike. Single, listening to Ratt, reading Spider-man. Oh well.

Sunday, February 06, 2005

Upma: I vote for chicken tikka. I'm making asparagus wraps. You're supposed to uyse proscuitto, but it's too damn expensive. I'm using poor man's ham and sundried tomato spread. Hmmmm, I can't wait. I can eat a plate all by my lonesome. And unless I'm Virgin Mary, there is nothing new to share.

MF: you new gig sounds very cool.

Stephanie: I love the soup man. Very cute. You would love this little soup stand in Vancouver on Granville Island. The week I was there, they made a porridge for breakfast. Then they offered at least 5 different kinds of soup on a daily basis. They also had a great tea stand with a bazillion and one types of tea. In terms of non-food stuff, one of my all-time favorite stationary stores is there -- Paper-Ya. Gawd, I love that place!

With the new year approaching so quickly, I'm trying to clean my house at least minimally. I've mopped for the first time in weeks, next is vacumming. Later on, the bathroom. Talk about saving it all for the last minute. I also have a baby shower and of course football party to go to today, both on completely opposite ends of town.

Friday, February 04, 2005

aveeno is my new neutrogena.

i guess i'll just make chicken tikka's for the superbowl party? maybe i need to make/buy something more "philly."

soup delivery would be super rad

Thursday, February 03, 2005

I like the new background - very minimal winter.

So cheese and soup are me two favorites in the food spectrum. I just signed up for this.

He delivers soup by bike whenever you order it - and offers three new soups a week.

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

I am going to keep my mouth shut about StuporBowl this year, as tonights episode of Project Runway involved lots of yelling and some throwing things.

u, 10 years from now when you have a whole litter of big-eyed babies, I'm going to remind you that you thought pregnancy was gross and we'll laugh about it. [ducks] [ow!] [OW!]

angie... is there something you forgot to tell us?

one of my best friends is currently pregnant with her first. it kinda grosses me out... they forgot to put that gene in me i guess.

the new background is great. can't wait till it's green though. phil saw his shadow, so it's 6 more weeks of winter. brrrrrrrr. it's funny how today was 40-something outside and we all thought it was "sooo nice." 3 months ago, 40-something was cooooold.

i didn't really watch the head idiot speak tonight, but it was on in the car when i drove home. and the coolest thing that i don't think has happened at any other State of the Union speech ever, the democrats "no-ed" him, which sounded a little like booing also. it was great. why didn't this happen before? maybe the dems are finally waking up. too late. but i suppose late is better than never. i still wish a third, more progressive party would just take all the attention away from dems completely. i'll never be satisfied with them unless they become truly liberal.

I hope the new background is okay.

Being pregnant/having kids makes women's hormones go out of whack. Geeze.

Started reading a great book -- "The Time Traveler's Wife" by Audrey Niffenegger.

My hair dresser will retouch my highlights this weekend. Good Lord, I'm looking rough these days.

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

How to make the perfect cup of tea.

This year, I am an accountant. I am doing all the taxes for the family business, a process which saves my father the $550 a CPA got last year for doing what I'm doing, and I bet that CPA got it all done in under an hour, wheras I've been wading through paper for over a week. I do not enjoy accounting. If I had gone to school for this, I would be able to make far more money doing taxes than I have made at any other job I've ever held. Instead, I am making exactly $0.00 for doing the taxes, because I am a dutiful daughter and $550 is more important for the business than it is for me. I'm almost done being annoyed with it.

I like blaming Mrs B, my fourth grade math teacher. I've been blaming her for years. I realize she must have been a deeply unhappy woman who should have chosen an occupation that did not involve small children, and I made a very convenient target. It's interesting to note that I didn't say anything to my parents; they found out about her treatment of me when other teachers, who could hear Mrs B screaming at me on a daily basis, contacted them. I don't remember what happened after that; I don't recall being sent to a different math class or any parent-teacher conferences. She made me write sentences when I didn't do my homework, and yelled at me for not doing my homework, and always summed it up by asking me if I wanted to be a writer or a mathematician. I have fantasies about tracking her down and asking her about those days and what was going on in her life and how she'd found herself there. And then writing about it.

At any rate, Mrs B, here it is decades later and even though the numbers still slide around and do strange things when I'm not looking, I'm doing accounting work. But I still prefer writing.