One of my composition teachers (known at UB as the Super Genius or "SG" for short) helped me rediscover discipline last year. It seems ridiculous that I have to make myself do the things I want to do, but if I don't I end up doing what someone else wants to do. I'm usually generous with my time to a fault (and then sometimes complain about it, which makes me feel like a jerk). As the SG pointed out, discipline isn't just about doing something everyday, it's about doing something for a certain amount of time each day. Read for an hour, no more no less, when the hour is up, finish the sentence or the page you're on , but not the chapter. This helps for a lot of different reasons and especially with creatvie projects, both long and short term.

if I feel I'm behind in some activity sometimes it's hard to start again because there's so much work to get done just to feel caught up, invoking some discipline helps getting started.

I think about things that are unfinished a lot more than stuff I could've wraped up if I just devoted an entire day to it, rather than an hour or two. Time away helps.

Returning to unfinished things is much easier, especially if you've been thinking about them.

I would much rather devote huge blocks of time, like weeks to projects where that's all I think about, but even with my "leisurely" graduate student lifestyle it's hard to find that kind of time. Something like laundry gets in the way.

I'm not trying to sell this as some twelve step program. It works for me. I don't set appointments (like every day at five I will read for an hour) it's more like I have a list of things I want to do, and do them in the order I want, but only for the perscribed amount of time, by the end of the day, I've usually done something, if not a lot.

I'm visiting my parents right now, until Friday or Saturday. I wish I had something in common with my family. At least my parents haven't asked me to cut my hair yet. I give them to the end of the week. There is no such thing as discipline at home, regardless of the work you bring with you, nothing ever gets done, in fact, things seem to get undone.

I'll probably go into DC tomorrow, that's always fun.

Upma - it seems to me that at least putting down what you wish you had more time for is the first step in doing those things. Sounds like you're already doing some of it - what with the swimming and all. I'm going swimming after work today as well - though I don't know if it'll be the lap swimming or goofing around the pool variety. I just know I've been promised queso afterwards. Give me cheese, and I'm at your mercy. My wishful to do list kind of matches yours, and I find the restrictions of time and money getting in the way as well.
The crush comes back in town today. So the "I wonder if he'll call" clock countdown begins again. Not that I couldn't call him, and I probably will. There's just something nice when they call first.
ps. I really like mangos, but since I eat them at the rate of about one per every sixth months, I don't think there's much chance I'll ever get sick of them.

Shelly- you were so close. The song is "September" by Earth, Wind and Fire. I sang the hook and asked my brother if he knew what it was. He said it sounded like Michael McDonald. I told him that I had explored that possiblity. So, we asked his roommate Robert. This sonofagun knows it right off the top of his head. I'm singing, "ahh eee ahh eee ahh, da da da da baby" to him in a crowded bar while the band is playing and he says, "oh yeah, that's Earth Wind and Fire. Uh... "September" by Earth Wind and Fire. I could have kissed him.

Angie - so I recently discovered when I went to photocopy that recipe for Upma - that while cooking the yummy eggplant, I had spilled food on the page, closed the book and when I tried to pry those pages apart again, I ended up ripping some crucial directions. So I photocopied what I could for Upma and then hand wrote what I could remember in the margins. (upma - sorry about that). So you may wait until she tries to make it and if it turns out, then ask her to pass it on. Hopefully I didn't forget any major steps.
So I dressed up as a member of the lollipop guild for the sing-a-long this weekend. And bought the gift package. The gift package included a rainbow flag to wave during "Somewhere over the Rainbow" and when Glinda says "Come out, come out, wherever you are" and a bell to ring when the witch is dead and a little dog finger puppet to wave whenever Toto is on screen and so on. Lots of the audience were in costume. Lots of friends of Dorothy - literally, lots of men dressed as Dorothy. A group dressed as a field of poppies, another was the Yellow Brick Road. My favorite was the pair dressed as the hurricane and the house and they went and spun around on stage during their scene.
The rest of my weekend was going swimming, reading and going to a birthday party.
Angie - I haven't gone shopping in NO in so long, I'd have no idea where to recommend to buy NOLA themed wall art. The quarter?

I can't figure out if this photo is posting or not so here's the link:

pictures of grace

I hope I don't sound like too much of dork saying this, but, it's difficult to recommend a single Dylan album to someone as an introduction, because no single Dylan album really sums up the man's career. Like, I could say, "buy Dark Side of the Moon" and you'll pretty much get the whole picture of Pink Floyd's music. (By the way, don't buy Dark Side of the Moon.)

But, recommending Dylan is a little easier than recommending Neil Young or Bruce Springsteen, because Dylan actually released a well-thoughout greatest hits record in the early seventies, called Greatest Hits 2. It's got a few songs from the end of Dylan folkie years (which I don't much care for---all that stuff sounds very cold and calculated to me) and the beginnings of Dylan's rock period, plus some examples of Dylan's country work and his basement folk with the Band. All in all, a very good Hits album.

If you're looking for an album not a collection, which is totally reasonable, because Dylan, at one point, put a lot of effort into his albums, then think about these:

Blonde on Blonde is the best record he made as a folkie, but as I've said, I think that stuff is overrated and transparent.
Nashville Skyline is the album I'm most likely to put on. It's Dylan's country record and it features the "crooner" Dylan voice he experimented with for a while.
Blood on the Tracks is the best Dylan album. It's the most internally consistant and the most moving. It's about his breakup with his wife.
The Basement Tapes are Dylan and the Band in a Basement jamming out folk and country tune. A lot are silly, but the music is really, really good.
There isn't a good way to sum up the 80s and 90s for Dylan. Greatest Hits 3 tries but doesn't do the job very well. Late period Dylan has a lot of good stuff waiting to be found, but only the patient fan will be able to find it, I think.

I am majorly distracted at work today. I hung out with the crush (Jon) last night. And I keep getting all swoony and staring off into space instead of staring at my computer and entering German photo credits, like I should be doing.
So I am very excited about this weekend. I'm going to a Wizard of Oz sing-a-long. Not only do I know all the words, I've also read all 14 of L. Frank Baum's books and just need to think of a costume. Maybe I can find some of that hay we shot the other day and scarecrow myself.

I got home last night from swimming and see that there is a message from the crush. This starts the excitement. The turn up Paul's Boutique really loud, dance around the living room in my wet bathing suit, clapping my hands with joy type of excitement. I call him back, he was wanting to know if I wanted to go swimming with him that night. Oh, we're on the same wavelength, but the bad timing. (and also he will soon learn that you can't call me that night for plans on the same night, it just doesn't gel with a go-go girl lifestyle - okay, that sounds like a rules girl, but really it's just pratical, but I digress). And I already had post-swimming plans with my friend Stephanie to go see the Viennese Accordian Roundup at the Broken Spoke (it was really fun - so many polkas in one night - and now I know what the accordian scene in Austin looks like - let's just say we were the youngest people there). And the boy goes out of town tomorrow to see his brother's art opening in Arizona, so I guess either he'll call back tonight before he leaves or not, but I said we should definately do something when he gets back in town, and he said definately as well. yeah!
So swimming was so much fun. I acted like I was ten or younger. I was doing various (sloppy) water ballet routines with my friend and seeing who could tread water longer and doing kick boxing moves under the water and having so much fun (I'm really glad all the lap lanes were full cause we'd gone swimming to do boring laps, but goofing in the water was much better).
Mike - ditto on what Angie said if you end up somewhere in Texas.
Shelly - can you bring me back a full course meal from New Orleans. I'm very much so missing hometown food. Not that I don't love tex-mex with the heat of a thousand suns, but it's just not the same. Angie - maybe I can come to Houston and we can have a cook-off.
Upma - speaking of food, the recipe will be in the mail for you in the next day or so.

mrs. john zachary mull. You just trying it out or did I do something wrong?

I don't think that's it, Shell. I can't find a song called Autumn by Blood Sweat and Tears.

zach, that song YOU couldn't think of, i think its autumn by blood sweat and tears.
luck to you, angie joe.
anybody need anything from new orleans?

Okay, Angie Joe, now that song's going through my head, too.
Eating ediname, about to go shoot some hay to illustrate Rumpilstiltskin, just saw some co-workers doing the cha-cha a few cubes over - some days I love my job.

In My Life from Rubber Soul, I think.

My trip:

Week one: Flew into San Francisco. It was the first time I'd ever been to the West Coast. I'd driven as far as Phoenix in 1994 and we were planned to drive on to Las Vegas, but couldn't because the van was shaking itself to death. As many of you know, California is a beautiful place. San Francisco is hilly and cool. And yellow grass everywhere. Very strange to a green grass guy like myself.

We stayed with our friends Audrey and Lisa. They are both from Greensboro and we've known them a long time. Last Christmas, they stayed with us for two weeks. It was tons of fun. They have four additional roommates. All from North Carolina. Claire and Wylie are old friends of John's from high school. They're getting married. Zach Blue and Andria are from Greensboro. They're nice people, but I think they were the one's who were most tired of us by the time we left.

Most of our first week we spent walking Mission or Valencia. One day Audrey took us to the beach, which was rocky and cold. And not a bit like NC beaches. We went into Chinatown and had vegan dim sum one day. We spent a lot of time looking for bookstores and recordstores to take copies of the magazine. By the end of the trip, we had sold something like 80 copies of the zine in SF alone. Very cool.

We missed the Pride March, but we did make it to one of the Dyke Day rallies. That was something. We saw a band called Lightning Bolt, from Providence, who were rad. John interviewed them for the magazine.

Week two: Steven and Evan came. We knew Evan was coming because he had been part of the plan all along. But, Steven was a surprise. He basically invited himself along. Which we could say much about, because he lived with Audrey and Lisa before they moved west. In all fairness to Steven, let me say, that I really do like Steven and I consider him a friend. He's just a difficult person and he's almost impossible on trips. This is the third extended trip I've taken with the guy and let me tell you I will never do it again. Steven is a food snob like you can't imagine. He's Italian so he's got some special right to bitch about food, he thinks.

You can't complain about things for two weeks straight and not expect your friends to ditch you. So we spent a good amount of time on our own. In the second week, we spent some time in the Avenues section. We went to Twin Peaks and got a good look at the city. We walked along the Embarcadero and went to Peir 39. One day, they went swimming. I opted out to have my own adventure day. We saw Evil Dead 2 at a great theatre called the Red Vic on Haight.

This the week that Nathan and Krystal showed out. Nathan and Krystal are one half of my band and they are super cool people. They had been doing a national parks tour, camping, birdwatching. Hanging out with them was fun.

This is also the week that Jeremy, a kid from Austrailia, who was a friend of Wylie's friend, showed up. He had some friends in town that he spent most of his days with, but he was a super nice guy. When we saw Instrument at the Red Vic he went with us. It's a shame that we might never see that guy again.

One night of our trip there were fourteen people in the house.

Week three: Weeks two and three blended together. Somewhere in this time, John and I went to the Warped Tour. We got press passes through Slave to interview and photograph AFI. We got our photos and hung out in the photo/security pit. Very neat. I'd never done that before. But, we couldn't get our interview. I think we're going to try to talk to them in Charlotte.

All through this period we ate like crazy. We ate three times at a hip date kind of place on Valencia called Herbivore. It was good, but a little blah sometimes. Their food was all vegan, all organic. We discovered a great place in Berkeley called Long Life. Long Life have a ridiculous lunch special where you get a soup, springroll and enormous plate of food for 4 bucks. Plus, it was overwhemingly vegetarian/vegan and really good. We ate there three times. Indian Oven was the most upscale place we went. Chris Wright and his wicked cute girlfriend, Amy, took John and Evan and I there one night. Very excellent food. We were loving every minute of it. There were two Ethopian places in town that we always on the list of things to do. I never went to Cafe Ethopia but I understand it was very good. The other place, Axum, on Haight, was great. Evan didn't like it though.

For the Fourth, we had a vegan feast behind the NC compound on Van Ness st. The party was a lot of fun until the fireworks came out. Andria and Wylie and some other started firing them at people. Not good. I disappeared very early on in the "fun" after I got hit in the chest with a roman candle. I wasn't hurt, but this kid Josh got a awful looking burn on his hand. What a bunch of dumb shits. The food was great though.

Week Four: For the last week of our trip we rented a car and drove to Seattle. There was some drama with Evan, who somehow invited his girlfriend to meet us there. In classic kindergarten fashion, John and I decided the best thing to do was avoid the subject and dodge Evan and Lana Bone (her sister's name is Amanda Bone-say it-Amanda Bone, no shit ) when we got there.

John and I stayed with the wonderful Shelly ---- and Jacob. Evan and the Bone stayed with some friend of their's.

We had a great time in Seattle. Shelly took us to see the troll and the Statue of Lenin. We walked around downtown and the Broadway area. John and I went to the Experience Music Project, this huge interactive music museum where you can play guitars and stuff. We had a ball there. We saw Chopper for the second time. Shelly made potstickers for us. John made burritos.

They had a Capitol Hill fest while we where there and we got to see Pedro the Lion (snore) and Botch (yeah!) and some of Quasi's set (so-so).

On the last day we were there, John, Shelly, Jacob and I drove to Vancouver. Vancouver is one of the coolest looking cities I'd seen on the trip. It looks like its made from a giant toy kit. Every building has rings and glass and stuff. Hard to describe, sorry. We ate at a place called Naam, that had great veggie/vegan breakfest.

Also, since the Canadian dollar is only 66.6 cents on the US dollar, everything there is 33.3% off. Sweet. Sweeeet. I bought the Die Hard DVD box set for like $37 US. Very sweet.

Then we drove back to SF. John and I nearly missed our flight. The BART stopped in Oakland and wouldn't move for like fifteen minutes. Then we get to our stop and there are no cabs. The only way, we made our flight was because this lunatic guys go in a fight with the driver of the cab he called and gave it to us. If that guy wasn't such an asshole, we would have never made the flight.

So, now, I'm home. No job. I'm going to start subbing in the fall.

My band and the Crimson Spectre are doing a Western NC mini-tour in Sept. We're playing Boone,

Grace is two months old now. She is just beautiful. When she was first born I couldn't really see her mother or father in her face, but now... She's got her mother's eyes, no question, but she looks so much like my brother, otherwise, that I'm really amazed.

My parents and I had her all afternoon and night Saturday. I was puked apon. She and I developed a dance called the "Bloop-Bloop" dance. It's going to be a big craze. It involves taking your partner and jumping her around on your laps saying "bloop-bloop-bloop-bloop."

I think we're going to get to keep her on Wednesday as well. I plan to continue our experiments in choreography.

As you may have guessed, I'm back from my trip. I've been back five days now. Its nice to be back in NC. I feel really happy here. And very happy to be here.

So I went out with the crush on Friday night. We went to the tiki bar and split the krakatoan volcano. (it's on fire, has whole limes floating in it as well as plastic mermaids and you drink from two feet long straws - in fact, it's hard to take someone seriously when they've got a two foot long pink straw in their mouth). The conversation flowed nicely, he made me laugh. So we'll see. Saturday I went to see America's Sweethearts (cause I heart John Cusack - and he is looking very nice) - the movie was okay - cute in the "my mom would really love this movie" sort of way. Then I was planning on going out that night but my friend Kristen lent me about 16 old Buffy episodes on tape. Yeah, I stayed home sat. night and watched 8 of them. So nice. Sunday I sanded a coffee table - I'm planning on staining it or painting it or something. Any creative ideas out there? Or wood working advice? After that, I went and picked the biscuit up at the airport and got treated to dinner for my trouble. So the biscuit now has a place to live in NY but pushed back his moving up there date. After that, I had a "my boyfriend who came into town for the summer just drove back today and I need my body weight in ice cream" party. We ate tiramisu gelatto, fresh strawberries and a plate of cookies. I think my friend felt better, though I had to keep handing her toilet paper to blow her nose.

Louise, I've got these Butterick patterns on sale for 2 bucks a piece at the fabric store a couple of weeks ago. They only had two mens patterns and for some reason I wasn't really thinking, for 2 bucks a pattern I should have bought anything that I remotely wanted to make (even if it was something that just had a fancy pocket I liked), but I was on a budget.

An aside: Sometimes I'm a little bothered by the lack of variety available to the male seamstress (or is that seamster) but not surprised because 1: there isn't a whole lot of variety in mens fashion, you get pants (shorts), T-shirt, Fitted shirt, vest, jacket. Thats about it. So you only need two patterns with variations and 2: the home fashion market is predominantly female, who might make some clothes for a male but most likely sew for themselves or other females.

Besides now that I sort of know how to make shirts with collars and a simple pair of pants with pockets (and the basic shapes to cut) I think I'll go back to making my own patterns, like I do for skirts. While my designs might be flawed at least I know how things are supposed to go together. I'm much happier pulling some garment out of nothing than I am screwing up something that is supposed to look a certain way. I need to head out to Wal Mart to go through the bargain bin fabrics, lots of stuff for a buck a yard. That seems to be where I have the most success, using simple designs but combining very different cheap-ass fabrics that for the most part shouldn't go together. While I'm certainly not comparing myself, that's how Givenchy started out. I really like his stuff.

It's unfortunate that the prefab Mod look comes with the prefab lifestyle.

There's a thousand things I want to do tonight before I go to bed, maybe i'll get one of them done.

I think I'm going to pick up a cheap scanner and a little web cam with some of my June in Buffalo money. The scanner for the obvious reasons (scanning in PEEPS), the web cam to do rough stop motion captures with premiere. I'm not ready to use its original purpose.


of anything else.

You are a hot tomato, mama! Awwwww!

Upma does not look pregnant. Upma is a hot tomato.

Mods (boys and girls, they look the same) are sexy until you speak to them. Then they reveal themselves to be just the kind of assholes who would dress like they live in 1967 England. And they drink too much and snort coke. Yucky. I'll take a dirty punk rock gal any day.

round bellies are underrated. yum. i just had a long discussion about it with a friend of mine, so i won't repeat it here, but belly=good in my book.

Wednesday I found out that I'm getting a Graduate Assistantship for working at June in Buffalo next year (that means no more paying tuition and a stipend). I wasn't expecting it at all and was actually kind of worried about my financial situation for the next year but that's all taken care of. I also received my check for working this year's festival. It's like getting an entire summer job's worth of work in one check. Even when I have some, I'm not such a big fan of money. It's just one less thing to worry about right now.

I have preliminary age limits for dating, although I don't really date. I tend to be attracted to people who are slightly older and most of my friends here or in other places are older than I am. That doesn't mean there are exceptions (within reason of course). Part of my feelings about age may be the environment I'm in. The squeaky wheel is run and/or staffed mostly by lesbians who are quite political. The idea of a man dating a woman who is younger (basically someone in their early 20's) sounds absolutely predatory, The larger the gap the worse it is, of course. I'm always more hesitant if the person is younger and there's no trepidation at all if the person is older. But if you're dating someone older, then they're dating someone younger (I try to keep this in mind also), so what does that mean? I really don't know. If it feels really right, age usually doesn't matter, or isn't a consideration, if it doesn't, age is usually one of the first excuses.

Kids Film camp starts at Squeaky Wheel on Monday. Ten adolescents running around with super 8 cameras. My job: Crowd control. I'm sort of looking forward to it though. I've also been learning how to shoot 16 mm with the Bolex, what a great piece of equipment.

Made a shirt on Thursday, a pair of pants las weekend. Reading the instructions to clothing patterns is the most confusing, time consuming, frustrating activity I've done of late. Aside from breaking up, that is.

i had a really good time while zach and john were here. now i'm just temping my ass off until i go spend a week in louisiana.

Angie Joe - you would be so proud of me. I'm making dinner for a friend tonight - the menu: gazpacho, eggplant parmasan over linguine and fresh mixed berries for desert, challenging for me since I'm such an amateur in the kitchen, and more chopping and courses than I'm used to doing. I hope it turns out well. With plenty of red wine, I'm sure it'll be great.
None of my exes have gotten married or had babies (as far as I know) so I don't know if they'd tell me or not. I don't really keep in touch with them, and it works out fine that way.

mike - how are things going with that Annie girl? It sounds promising.
I must share my crush update - now that I actually have something to share. He called last night, and we now have a date on Friday. I'm surprisingly calm right now but will probably turn into a hurricane of nerves before Friday evening.

I feel like my day was a lot like that Astros/Indians game. It's amazing sometimes how you can turn things around, had a little help from my friends and Squeaky Wheel.

I could be on the come back trail.

Finally, but reluctantly gave in to my parents pressure to visit them sometime this summer. They think since I'm still going to "college" that means I should come home every summer for 2.5 months to find a summer job etc... Extending your education sort of has this weird effect on your parents. They want you to be grown up but at some level don't believe you're all grown up, maybe this is true for all, but it seems a little exaggerated in thsi situation. Doing the trip in late July and missing a big going away party for some very close friends because of it. (I made reservations for the trip on Sunday, found out about the party today) and what makes it worse stephanie, it's a theme party.

My birthday is coming up and I've just been thinking about my father and some strange numerical coincidences.
Dad: born in 47
J.T.: born in 74
Dad: born on the 21st of the month
J.T.: born on the 12th of the month
I'm half my father's age this year and I've been thinking about the life he had at 27 as opposed to the life I have at 27. I'm not at all dissappointed with the way things have been going for me. I'm not sure if the rest of my family is or not.

There's some strange rumminations for ya's, as strange as my dreams which continue to include frineds from all periods and places of my life mixed together. Sometimes elated sometimes hurtful. Regardless of when I go to bed, I wake up at 7:30 am with no obligations til noon.

Now is the time to start working on some big projects.

On Saturday night, my friend Paul had an old college roommate in town and a friend from Houston (such a recurring theme this weekend). MEAT was on the agenda. We went to all you can eat BBQ at the Salt Lick. So much consumption of protein. So much groaning in my car on the way back. I really think it was the peach & blackberry cobbler that sent us all over the edge. I toyed with going to a Bastille Day Party after all that, but instead fell into a meat coma of sleep. Me miss a theme party? Can you even believe it. It's true.
Sunday my old college roommate from Houston was coming to town with her friend Chris from Houston as well. Did the city evacuate this weekend? There were about four old college roommates all from Houston that I knew were in town. Sally (my old roommate) goes to school in North Carolina (at UNC actually) and had a whole itinerary for the day planned. And wanted to start a mexican food marathon. Because according to her even North Carolina's best margarita still couldn't compare to Austin's worst. so the mission begins...
at Mr. Natural's. This vegetarian friendly mexican food restaurant on the east side. We drive there. It's closed. Being Sunday - this will not be the first restaurant we drive up to find closed. We end up at Taco Xpress on south lamar. Don't ever order their verde taco. It's a pile of green mush. After lunch, it's off to Deep Eddy swimming pool.
side note: so sally (and I guess my) friend chris is like having a younger brother around, the kind who gets a kick out of annoying you. Like when I was peacefully sleeping on my beach towel and he decided to wake me up by squeezing all the water out of his swim trunks onto my face or when he decided to hang his underwear out to dry in front of my apartment door or when we got into an argument over sitting inside or outside and he was using things he had THOUGHT but not said OUT LOUD as part of his defense.
right, anyway, deep eddy. beautiful weather. relaxing swimming. delicious flavored jim-jim's water ice. (so much better than snowballs). peace. love. happiness. then back to my house. a round of showers. the watching of an old Buffy episode (since all three of us are fans of the show), then off to dinner. We drive to Flores. It's closed. I want to cry thinking about how good their salsa is. We drive to Maudie's. It's open. hurray. drinking of margaritas. eating of fajitas. making a mess of myself since I can't seem to keep my fajita items in my tortilla. then we go to Trudy's. (are you keeping track of which mexican restaurant we're on - yes, it's #5).
We start out inside. I see someone I used to work with who now is much skinnier and has really bleached hair. I say hello. Sally goes, "I didn't know you knew the guy from Memento." I find this to be the funniest thing said to me all day. You may not be laughing now because
a) you never saw Memento
b) I've done a bad job retelling this story
c) the whole situation really wasn't THAT funny
but I can't stop laughing. we drink. we move outside cause it's way too cold inside. another friend (not from houston and not an old college roommate) named clay shows up. he's been laid off from his dotcom job and tells us the story of when he was sued in a paternity case because he had the same name as the real father of this child. He doesn't seem like the sort of person that would have something so unusual happen to him. But it did.
Last night I went to my book club meeting of Ulysses and then the biscuit had called. I stayed up drinking and talking at his place until 1am. We also went and played a pathetic game of shuffleboard at the Shoal Creek Saloon across the street from his apartment. I am about the worst shuffleboard player ever. But the evening was fun. The biscuit leaves tomorrow to search for NY housing, comes back for a week or so, and then leaves again for good.
Today I'm about to go off prop shopping because I have a bunch of photo shoots coming up. On the shopping list:
hay, german food products, frying pan.
Should be a fun day at work.

Athens is in north east Georgia.

Still in Seattle. john is about to make Shelly and I lunch.

tomorrow we're driving to Vancouver. It will be my first time in Canada. Rock!

The going-away hats have been made. They're plastic cowboy hats in different colors covered in stickers. The front of the hat has texas-themed stickers, then there are footprint and airplane stickers leading up to candles in the shape of a cap and gown. On the side of each hat is a ribbon. baby talks' says "I'm special." biscuit's is "I try my best" and Katy (the nicknameless one) gets the "spirit award" I had a lot of fun spending my lunch hour on these. Shelly - I'll be happy to work at your throwing theme parties company at any point in the future. Or maybe I just need more creative outlets.

Last night I went to Bracken Cave. I saw ten million bats emerge. I would stare straight up as thousands flew over my head, getting dizzy from the beating wings, the black rush continually going by. Hearing wild dogs in the distance, looking for and finding the big dipper, having to take a flashlight to find the outhouse and scaring myself with all the big darkness outside of my flashlight's range.
I have a friend who works for Bat Conservation International who planned this field trip for a small group of us. I'm really excited about the photos I took of the emergence, and I can now say that bat guano goes on my list of really bad smells.
new pet peeve: One of my friend is dating a guy who speaks in baby talk, at first I thought it was just an occasional affectation, but he does it all the freakin' time, especially when he's whining about something, how she finds this endearing, I'll never know.
Tonight I go to the going away party for the biscuit, the baby talk guy and a friend moving to Nashville. I plan on going at lunch to buy supplies for making some appropriately themed going away head adornments. Maybe some planes and cars on a crown of sorts for all three.

shelly & angie - guess who is now working at my office - in the cube right over the wall from me?
alec de leon
crazy!
he's here until he goes back to school.

Ethiopian- good. the Red Sea in Washington is great. Axum in SF is great. There's another place in Sf that John went to but I didn't get a chance. I don't think Evan cared to much for it. Too much like baby food for him.

upma-Borrow anything you want. i don't have any Weezer albums on Cd. I should, but I don't.

We're in Seattle. At Shelly's. Looks like it's going to be pretty fun.

ehtiopian food is good. i've only tried a few dishes but i'd like to try a lot more.

i get cluster migraines, which means that when i'm getting them, i'll have them like every day for an unspecified duration. it has lasted up to several weeks. i think i've only had like one since moving to seattle. they are horrible.

zach and john and evan are here. an i'm at work. which sucks. it was a scheduling snafu (one downside of being a temp)so i work pretty much the whole time they're here. but i guess we have evenings & weekends...

Angie Joe - Ethiopian is so delicious. If any of you guys are in New York City soon, go eat at the Blue Nile. I couldn't get enough of that spongy bread.
Mike - I've done lots of band photos - for a while, that was all I wanted to do. The key is access. I worked for a paper, so that was my in. But if it's not hugely known bands, they shouldn't have a problem with your shooting - but you can always call the clubs and ask. I'd tend to get there early, stick myself in the front row - sometimes bribing people out of the way with the promise of pictures (which I always made good on) and shooting - someplaces only let you shoot the first three songs - but that's usually the big name ones. I don't know what other advice to give. Um, crowd reaction shots are always interesting too. Move around, try different angles, get up on stage if the band seems cool with that. Experiment with really fast grainy B&W, play with flash freeze blur with super saturated color film, have fun. Oh, and wear earplugs.
Yesterday was such a day. I get to work and for some reason, maybe the intense glare off my computer screen, no idea what, I get a migraine. For those of you who get these on a regular basis, I am so so sorry. I'm seeing wavy lines of light, my head hurts like it's in a vise, and I know I need to go home like NOW. I get in my car and realize I need to throw up but in a stubborn fit I want to make it home, not pull over on the interstate. So I start singing. Loudly. To distract my instestinal tract. I chose Queen as my artist for some reason. So my head is throbbing, I'm all "mama mia, mama mia" and I rush home. I manage to weakly make it to my bathroom. ...and don't leave there all morning. Then it's all afternoon lying in a dark room wishing someone would bring me a cool washcloth but until I teach my house plants to walk, I'm kind of out of luck on that. But four o'clock I feel like a normal person. The biscuit calls that night. He had emailed me and was wondering what was up. And he had some books to sell back but wanted to see if I wanted any of them first. A boy who appeals to my literate side, such an achilles heel. Since I'm looking a lot less like hell, I head over. It was nice hanging out, since we're "just friends" now since he moves in two weeks, and I'm several books the richer.

mmm tapas. i LOVE tapas. i love bite size food. i love eating with my fingers. (although i guess strictly speaking that would be pinchots)

i made a really good salad last night: your favorite mixed greens (i suggest including arugala), thin ripe green pear slices, thin fresh peach wedges, cubes of FRESH (definitely not processed) mozzerella, dressing of olive oil, balsamic and white wine vinegar, salt, pepper, maple syrup or honey or brown sugar, parsley. i soaked the fruit in the balsamic vinegar and sweetner while making the rest of the dressing. then i added the cheese and dressing to marinate with the fruits while i made the rest of the dinner. only tossed in the greens at the very last second. very simple but it was really good.

i guess that job wasn't the "right" thing for me. i'm just not sure if the right thing exists. or how to find it.

jt, i know that you'll succeed at many things in life, but i doubt that being an asshole is one of them.

mike, steph knows about all sorts of photography.

Started assisting at the Squeaky Wheel teen animation camps today. It looks like it's going to be pretty great. I think i might start working with sand animation. It looks so good.

Otherwise been keeping busy with sewing: I'm about to begin a pair of pants, drafting the pattern from instructions I got of the internet. It's going to be tough, it I it fails I'll end up going back to skirts. It's skirt weather around here right now, I'm going to try and make one out of a bunch of old T-shirts. Also got this iron on printer paper so I've been printing out PEEPs and putting them on shirts.

Still continuing with the Joyce even thought I'm not exactly sure why. I might pick up some Raymond Rousel instead although I do want to finish Ulysses.

Doing some music copy work for my trumpet teacher who in turn is giving me lessons for the summer. So I'm also practicing more which is good.

Some point soon I'll finish work on my piece for 4 trumpets, Start a new project for 2 percussionists and media (I haven't decided yet if it will be video, sand animation on film, flash animation or a combination of all, maybe I'll write the music first).

Recently, like within the last two weeks or so, I can't help thinking I've turned into an asshole. Though I can't point to any behavior that would either confirm or deny this suspicion I feel like I've just become a bad person. Or even worse that I've just realized I've been an egotistical, arrogant person for quite some time now. If this is the case I'm sorry, if it has become the case, again sorry, and if you don't know what I'm talking about, doubly sorry.

Maybe it's just bad Karma or something, but I see it in the reflections of windows, the corner of my eye, all the places I only glance: Zues or some other unlikely god, arm cocked, lightning bolt in hand, about to deliver me my hubris.

angie, did you know ernie k-doe died?

friday i saw the razorbabes and cookie at "pain in the grass."
sunday i saw god forbid, nile, and cradle of filth. the first time i've ever been in a room with MORE than one "jesus is a cunt" shirts.
today i turned down the first permanent job i've even seriously considered in the past year. i had 2 weeks to agonize over it while the woman who extended the offer was on vacation. i changed my mind, literally, every half hour for two weeks. the job was as an admin at an art school. i declined, hung up the phone and cried. i hope i did the right thing.

Mike - good luck with the crush (it is the crush you're hanging out with tonight? or last night, at 4am?)
Angie Joe - I have to stop reading your entries right before lunch - man, that all sounds so tasty. And yes, I am loving living alone. Won't be going back to roommates unless rent become undoable.
I met a new crush this weekend. Hopefully it will get my mind biscuit-free.

i didn't know what you might want to do, mike, wanna run the town newspaper? in fact, except for stephanie, everyone else is just a stereotype. i have no idea if those are things you'd like to do. so maybe you're just not easy to stereotype. (yes, i am groveling.) at any rate i do apologize that i inadvertently edited you out.

i don't mind houseguests with poloroids and dildos.

an excerpt from an email conversation steph and i were having.
afterspending a weekend at the beach i asked why she ever gave up her dream of running a bookstore on the beach. she replied that she hadn't and i proceeded to plan the rest of our lives...

"maybe it can be in the same town as my bed and
breakfast and jacob's pool hall. kainui can have a crafts store/ art gallery and angie can have a restaurant/ music club. zach can have a record store/
movie theater with thad. and upma & jt can make avant
garde films and music, bringing conventions to town.
and in their spare time they can film a sitcom about
all us wacky characters..."

I wrote a little about SF this morning and thought I had posted it, but apparently not. I'm still in SF for three days. On Monday, John, Evan and I drive to Seattle to see Shelly. Then back to SF on the 16th and back home on the 18th. Things here are good, but I think some of the housemates are starting to get sick of us being here. We're getting the stink eye a lot. It doesn't help that we're getting more and more juvenile as the trip goes on. Last night some obnoxious friend of Steven's showed up, apparently invited to stay the night, even though there are already six houseguests here. Without so much as a "hold on" she strips naked and changes in the living room. But, she doesn't put on any pants. So, she's puttering around, getting her sleeping bag ready and so on sans pants, sans underpants. I don't have any rules about this, but I've usually known someone at least twenty minutes before I see their vagina. Anyway, Evan, John and I have been howling about this all day. I won't get into it any further.

Today, we were walking through North Beach and John got a great idea to buy a dildo (you be surprised the amount of fun you can have with a dildo, without, you know, using it) as a house expense and just bill Benji and Dave when we get home. Without telling them we bought it, of course. The marker board would look like this:

rent: $xxx
tel: $xxx
dsl: $xxx
dildo: $5

hehe. At the time, this was the greatest idea ever. So we got the thing. The Dong. And I can already tell that things are going to go bad. Houseguests with rubber penises and polaroid cameras are houseguests that most people can do without. (Shelly, I promise we'll behave.) We had to stop Lisa from flinging the Dong at the Muni driver. Lisa really wanted to throw the dildo at somebody.

Upma, please don't mention the Dong to Dave or Benji tempting though it may be. But, do get Dave to show you the rad mesh shirt we bought for him in the Castro. It rips.

John and I (mostly John) have got a lot of stuff done for the magazine too. We got photos of AFI and interviews and photos of Lightning Bolt and, local author, Michelle Tea. Plus, we got rid of TONS of copies of the zine here. And they've been selling too. We've been checking back.

It's almost four in the morning here. I really should go to bed, but this is the longest computer time I've had in weeks. I must admit, friends, I haven't read much of your recent posts, due to online time constrants. But, when I get back I'll catch up, I promise.

Angie, I think the new Lucinda is great. I like all the slower songs at the beginning, but I'm not totally sure about the rockers later on. There don't really work so well with her new "underwriting" songs style. But, it's still a winner overall. She's playing here, or has just played here. But, the tickets were like thirty bucks, so I felt like I should skip it.

I'm a big fan of hanging out on weeknights - actually I tend to go out more on weeknights than most weekends - less crowded, easier to find parking. One thing I miss re: college friends is that my junior year I lived in the same apartment complex with lots of them - literally out of about twenty apartments, I had friends in five of them - so it was like a dorm but all the benefits of living in your own apartment. I always had a choice of whose place I could drop by. So many friends, so little effort. Now all those peeps are in grad school spread out over the country. I'm tempted to have a summit with them someplace (as inspired by lake effect).
Have a great weekend everyone. I plan on spending as much time by a body of water as possible and then partying like a rock star. There's a new bar downtown that sounded too trendy for me to want to go to - the drinks are named after members of the rat pack, it's got a tiki theme, they have frank sinatra happy hours, various kabobs for appetizers, but despite it's trendiness, it also sounds like a lot of fun - must be the swing dancer inside me. I will also party like a rock star at this recording studio opening I'm going to. I already told shelly that I expect every musician I know in austin to be in attendence. It'll be research for the next magnet and steel article we're writing together.

i have trouble getting people here to hang out on a weeknight. i think for a lotta people here when you work 50 hours a week (common with all the high tech folks) especially if you aren't single you just don'thave much motivation to go out since you already have a person at home that you barely get to spend any waking hours with already. i find myself subject to it although i'd like to go out in the week more often than jacob wants to but then i work 20-25 less hours a week than he does. i really miss the way school structured my days where there were irregular breaks in the middle of the day and you don't go to the same place and do the same thing EVERY day. that is why i like temping so much. but for a lot of people they get so caught up in the "go to work, go home, repeat" routine that i think they forget that they CAN go somewhere else or even that there IS anywhere else to go...
just to repeat, i really miss the drop-by-anytime, call-in-the-middle-of-the-night, let's-hang-out-even-if-we-didn't-make-plans friends that i left behind in my college town and whom i haven't yet managed to find a replacement for. (not that you replace friends of course, just that i haven't made any new ones of that variety)

i haven't ever had the drink Angie & Kainui are talking about but i have had grass jelly drink, which is either vietnamese or chinese. it tastes kind of like earthy tea with globules in it. i've also had the orbs raver drink, gross but look scool. and something called bubble tea which was a drink passed to me by my friend Kris's mom, Donna Read, (seriously that is her name) it was a special tea with milk much like what my grandmother used to serve me, but neither involved gelatinous globes.

Last night was stitch&bitch. I'm now wearing a shirt that says "sentient yeti" - a joke from 2 in the morning that I still find funny. It involved some friends in a comedy troupe explaining an old johnny quest episode. If I could hope to match their delivery and timing, I'd try to explain it, but it's just funny.

Angie Joe - you certainly got the red and blues out of the red, white and blue holiday. What a fantastic place that sounds like. My 4th consisted of swimming, eating BBQ and watching fireworks from the top of a hill, about as traditional as you can get. But lovely and relaxing.
re: parents. I've never had much problem getting along with them or siblings either, in fact. The most I do to impress is actually put on make-up. Something my own mother is always chiding me to do more often. I remember when I broke up with someone a few years ago, his mother sent me a really nice hand written note along the lines of "We don't always understand what our son does (i.e. he fucked up) but please come and visit whenever you like" I was never sure how to respond to that, but appreciated the sentiment. Speaking of relatives, I met the biscuit's sister last night at the BBQ. We bonded over slurpees.
So I need to send a birthday present to a friend in Chicago. She's an indie-rock hipster. I have no idea where to look or what to get. Can any of you guys recommend a good online shop to go to? Saving me a trip to the post office in one fell swoop.

If you're going to read DH Lawrence you should probably try to read them in this order, Sons and Lovers, The Rainbow and, then, Women in Love. WiL is a sequel to the Rainbow. Sons and Lovers is a great book, but its very dense, so you should read it slowly. Lawrence has the book very carefully planned out, so its easy to miss stuff if you're just reading for plot.

You don't have to read the Hobbit before you read Lord of the Rings, but I don't know why anybody wouldn't. It's short, fun and easy to read. Just remember that the tone of The Hobbit is nothing like the tone of LOR. The Hobbit is more of a juvenile book.

As to which to read first, I would say anybody with an interest in Lord of the Rings should read them before the first film this christmas. So, maybe start there.

what is a mook?

as for the impressing the parents issue, i've in the past always felt that attempting to get along with the family was a way to show that you care about their child. i had one misfortune with this in which my family liked my boyfriend MUCH more than i liked my boyfriend. after we broke up and i was dating a new guy, the old boyfriend would STILL call my mom to see how she was doing and my mom invited Old Boyfriend over for dinner when she had never invited Current Boyfriend over for dinner. (i wasn't speaking of johnny here although come to think of it johnny did this too.) maybe my parents just like the people i'm dating after we're not dating...
i've always pretty much gotten along with the parents of everyone i've dated. jacob and my parents DON'T GET ALONG AT ALL. there are a lot of circumstances which led up to this but the biggest thing is that jcob & i live together and we aren't married and my parents think this is W_R_O_N_G. jacob makes next to zero attempts to mollify this situation. i think if they got to know each other better it would help a lot. that is partly my fault because i didn't really tell my parents much about jacob before we moved away together. actually i was going to explain both sides of this situation more, but it just makes me fucking exhausted, and most of you have heard it before anyhow. it boils down to both sides being proud and having such a strong sense of integrity that they can't even pretend to tolerate a situation which they feel is wrong. unfortunately that leave me between non-negotiable opposing viewpoints of people i love. i'd say they need to work it out if they love me (and i have) but that would make them different people. maybe we'll all get over it one day. i'd erase the above melodrama but i spent too long writing it.
that said, i think if i were dating someone whose family came from a different culture i'd probably make a large attempt to learn the culture/history/food/language. i wouldn't feel like that was trying too hard. i'd want to know the background & context of the person i cared about not just for the sake of their family. but that always interests me anyway about the person i'm dating. maybe this is because i feel so connected in good and bad ways to the place and people i came from.
i think it is wonderful that you like your home, zach. i really envy the connectedness and peace you seem to feel with your family and community and home.i really love new orleans and feel connected to it in a lot of ways. i miss being there. i wish the economy was such that i could have stayed and found the things i want out of life and people to relate to there. it is such a beautiful city. i wish i had the energy to stay there and make it a place where the kind of things and people i care about can thrive. unfortunately i don't have the energy to battle it out with my family AND a city which seem so intent on crumbling in exactly the same place they have been for over one hundred years. this gets back to my issues i guess. being in that city means being near my family and being near my family is a constant reminder that i'm a dissappointment to my family simply for trying to be the kind of person i want to be. they can't make me into the daughter they would have wanted and i can't make the city into the kind of place i would have wanted. even though for both family & city a lot of the elements are there but irreconcilable.
perhaps one day we'll accept the shortcomings of each other and all make friends. barbara sher talks about how almost any stranger on the street will respect and accept what your dreams are more easily than your family. if i say i want to raise dalmations in the himalayas to a stranger they'll ask me how and why and perhaps think of someone i should meet or talk to. if i say it to my family they'll say what on earth for? why don't you become a lawyer instead? then you can raise dogs and mountain climb as a hobby.
people do need people who are grounded and honest with them and know their strenghths AND weaknesses. but in order to acheive their dreams, they also sometimes need people who will believe that you can do anything and anything you wish is possible.
i really like seattle. i don't know if i really think of it as home though. not yet i guess.i know that you can't out run your problems and you can be miserable anywhere. i AM glad that i'm here. i'll be here for a while. but at this point i can't even guess where i might end up.

shelly - what's the job you're considering?

The Transmission Festival moving to Chicago is NOT for the better. Why would a cool thing moving to another place be good? Isn't it better when "un-NC" things like that actually happen in NC? Its this ridiculous idea that life is fucking much better someplace else that makes it hard to have stuff like the Transmissions Fest. I mean, it did great here right? Sold out every year, right? Fucking hipster assholes. Screw them for moving it to Chicago.

Still in SF. I like it here, but unlike everyone else I'm with, I'm not the least bit interested in moving here. Frankly, I've had more than enough NC trashing. I really LIKE my home? Why is that so weird?

Our offices were just moved at work. It feels like the first day of school around here - running around to see what changes have been made, where people are sitting, and they still are giving us free food. I'm sure no actual work will take place until after the holiday. I didn't end up with a window (a status symbol in the corporate world) but I have much more space. And my cube's easy to find - it's the one with the cardboard cutout of John Wayne and the gigantic foam red cowboy hat. No, I'm not from Texas, but you wouldn't know that by my decorating scheme.
Have a good 4th everyone. I'll be at a party at the biscuit's.

i would buy the mannequin if i had a hundred dolars and shipping from hawaii wouldn't surely cost just as much.
i read about the movie live nude women u-n-i-t-e. there is a book about the lusty lady clubs here which are i think a women owned coop. i may be wrong.
there is a long tradition of women getting naked for art. at least we're owning it some of the time these days.
what is the transmissions festival?
i'm poor. and still trying to decide if i should take a job i've been offered or if it's fool's gold.
i hurt my knee and couldn't play soccer last week. probably this week either or next week. next time we have a game on artificial turf i'm just skipping it. i seem to get hurt every time. at least my jaw doesn't hurt anymore.
jacob doesn't try to do ANYTHING to prove himself to my family. if anything he tries to thwart them. this is a long battle which is certainly unhealthy for all involved but is too complicated for me to get into tonight. if your man tries to prove himself so your family will like him, consider yourself lucky, whatever his reasons may be.
i like the scrapbook idea too. though i'm notoriously bad at followthrough on such things. i think we should have some project for while we're all together as well, but the scrapbook would be a cool introduction piece. what if we all made something with multiples and sent it to everyone else. then everyone would have some sort of piece from everyone.
i spent this weekend on the hood canal of the olympic penninsula. it is not actually a canal but a chanel (it was mispelled on an old map and the name stuck). it runs to the puget sound and is filled by tons of mountain streams & rivers. the water was mindnumbingly cold even though the sun was quite hot. i couldn't be coaxed in though i think jacob had some sort of religious experience or near hypothermia. rowing around was fun though. it was beautiful. i think that may be the life for me. i have weird patches of sunburn on my back where i didn't realized i hadn't reached with my sunscreen.