"In the comic book, Bizarro Superman, about someone who represents aduplicate of Superman, the main character lives a skewed parallel existence to the "real" Superman on the astonishingly squared planet called Bizarro."

I know we've talked about the relationship of Louisiana to the rest of the Universe before, Angie. You should know I'm not downing your home scene. I like Louisiana very much. But Louisiana clearly was shipped in from an alternate dimension. Look at the facts:

Louisiana:
...speaks with a unique accent that really doesn't sound much like the rest of the South's accent.
...is predominantly Catholic.
...has weird (though very cool) French Catholic Goth architecture that Charleston has, but nowhere else does.
...has an economy that is still riverboat based.
...tolerates mimes on the streets.
...has as its largest city New Orleans, a town that is one strong wind away from being the City of the Mer-People.
...Voodoo.
...spiders the size of your fist.
...crocodiles.

And so on. You know the last person to get chased by a voodoo crocodile mime in Tennessee? Or in Georgia? Or in NC? It never happened because all that crazy shit is your's alone.

And if you're eating fried pickles with your poboys and gumbo, it ain't none of my business. My point is while Louisiana is still south of the Mason-Dixon line, and thus an acceptable place to live, is it over the line seperating the real world from the world where trees have fur and the canals are rules by giant hairy rat beasts. The end.

Enjoy your pickles.

I definately am a jackass.

I woke up this morning feeling like I slept under a herd of yaks.

I need a vacation.

Upma, you are from Ohio. You don't know from what we eat in the south.
Angie, you are from Louisiana. Louisiana is to the South what Bizzaro Superman is to the real Superman.
If I say we don't eat fried pickles, yall, I mean it.

Played a shitty show last night in Winston.
My third monitor crapped out.
Some jackass hit my car, but i got his insurance and stuff.

Fried pickles must be some midwestern hillbilly thing, because I have never in my life seen such a thing around here. For once, the South seems to have resisted the urge to fry something up. Who the fuck thinks of deep frying a PICKLE?

Zach, thank you so much for that - I'm hee hee heeing and ha ha haaing over here.

I sent this as an email to some people earlier today. It is also for your enjoyment.

Okay, theoretically, I could lose my job for showing these to you. So, be aware that forwarding this on to others could cause me to be broke again. As some of you know, I now at Measurement Inc. MI is a standardized test grading company. I get get paid to read essay exams and grade them. Those of you in NC may know people that have done this before. Those of you in Greensboro definately know someone who has worked for Measurement.

The project we are now working on is State of Ohio ninth graders. Most of the stuff I read is terminally boring. Kids in Ohio do nothing worth talking about it seems. They ride fourwheelers and break their arms and go to Florida, blah blah blah. But among these papers lies a few pearls of wisdom that I felt compelled to write down.

Again, this is in complete disregard of the confidentiality agreement I signed, so try not to get me busted. But, I could possibly not share some of these. The cheesy subject headers are mine, of course.

And so I present...


The youth of the nation weighs in:

On Money: "I also had a lot of money to. I was alway'es buing fourwheelers, guns and cars."

On Marriage: "I am not free because I got married. She goes some times with me and rides the fourwheeler and spends some of the money. I also put food on the table for all of us."

On Cops: "One change I think will improve my school or neighborhood is getting better cops because most of the cops you in Salineville are big fat guys who are slow."

On Drinking and Driving: "Drinking and Driving not only causes car accidents, but shooting accidents."

On Mortality: "One day 2 years ago my friend got shot down and now is RIP."

On the Good Life: "People some ar in jail some are living a good life I want to leve a good life."

On Beauty: "The stars were so pretty and the moon."

On Immortality: "In the story I want to be remembered as getting dragged"

On the Animal Kingdom: "And there were all kinds of animals like moses and leaches would try to get on you. And wolfs you could hears then late at night barking."

On Canadians: "And the people had weird actsinces they talked kinda like the pople in England."

On Talent: "Even though I'm failing some of the stuff its really easy and that's what I do good at."

On Civil Liberties: "this is a free country if people want to be dumb let them be bumb so the sould let us choose to go to school like anyone would come if this would happen That would be cool."

On Dining: "I felt really hungry from all the waiting and therefore had the Ultimate Feast, a culmination of crablegs, shrimp and fish the likes of which have yet to be reproduced."

On the Art of Conversation: "I said, 'Mom, you got a dog.' She said 'yep.' I said 'cool.'"

On Accidents: "One event in my life in particular is getting my ear cut of."

On the Elderly: "We would skip school assemples. we would go over to the mall and make fun of the old people."

On English as a Second Language: "We you do about you live story you can do talk live you still talk about live with apen in live. the story is about you live to a story will you can talk about in our live and good and bad in your live."

On Tracher and Stud Relations: "A lot of stud like Math, English, sicen, woody class. Some stud do like clothing class. some tracher and stud like to have air doen in the classroom."

On Dedication: "I hade morening pracktis and night time pracktis."

On Tough Times: "I went on a paper raut and whes in a rack, And i got hert vary baedly but i got troe it ok and i am doeng good. My anet sad it maed me a bader persan then I wans."

On Nollege: "He taught me that nollege is something no one can take from you."

On Ecology: "We didn't relise that the woods was Indeed a swamp."

On Others: "His brother and him got in a car reck with his parents. He is also a retarted kid."

On Altruism: "I learned that you will get a reward for helping those in need."

On Life: "Most I like in the my life is the my family with liveing. I like my family. my. I'm write a decided to write about the lives of the my uncle is lives in the my hours in the this community."

On Life's Little Ouchies: "I flew of my bike and fliped into the other lane where my head was ran over by an oncoming car."

On Standard Measurements: "(We) busted a window bout the size of an large fish tank and as high as a 4ft midget."

On Friends: "The even that has happend in my life is I got busted in the head, with a big rock."

On Respect: "My dad told me something I will never forget... You must respect the dirtbike and it will respect you."

On True Love: "No matter what people said I still was in love with him and still is. Everybody would say 'He's ugly, he always cheats on you. He's not popular.' And I don't care about looks or anything."

On Careers: "I wanna be a WWF wrestler. I wanna get whooped for a livin."

On Nature: "To this day I still don't like trees. Whenever I see one down, I laugh at it."

On A Better Tomorrow: "I the consernd citisin think you should cut school down to 3 day and for the nieighorhood you should get rid of the old people."

On Reproduction: "We have sixteen cows and own bull but we mostly AI, artofishil imenanation."

On Wishes Coming True: "I opened it and there it was... a 3 inch by 2 inch ticket to see Ozzy. It was too good to be true. It took my breath away."

On Heroism: "This is the story of how I saved Bigfoot from the flying birddog attack."

On Crazy Birddogs: "So I just pulled out my nine, poped in the clip and let one slip into the crazy birddogs."

On Personality Clashes: "'the ass principal' Mr Kaufman, if we switched him with any other person, it would make everyone in a better mood."

On Shared Interests: "My grandfather has always been special to me, specifically since our interests overlapped in some places. One of whic was the 'deliberate act of killing animals' also known as hunting."

On Family: "This summer I found out I was going to get the chance to meet my father after a DNA test was take to determine that he actually was my father."

On Food: "My favorite food is fried pickles."

On Violence: "Well there was these 3 murder who killed this old lady with a can of tuna in a sock..."

and finally...

On Sprituality: "It's kind of like going to church, only for the Punk Rock soul. I truly found myself at the Warped Tour."

Bluebonnets are blue wildflowers that are all over the place springtime in Austin. Ladybird Johnson was all about the Highway beautification - and these flowers line the interstates.

So I decided to throw Passover for a few friends tomorrow night. So tonight I'll be chopping apples, making soup stock, going through the Haggadah and marking passages, and making sure everything's ready. It'll be a different experience, trying this on my own, rather than going to some (parent's) house.

p.s. The bluebonnets are here!!

Hello friends. I'm sorry I haven't written much lately. I've started a new job and it's wearing me out. The job itself isn't so hard, but I'm just not used to working at all.

The job: Basically, I sit in a big round and grade high school essay tests for seven hours. It's interesting sometimes and boring sometimes. Today, I read maybe 10 or 12 housefire themed papers. I'm compiling a greatest hits of things kids have written in their essays. It should come soon.

Everything else: Blah... There has been a lot of talk about people moving away from here, lately. I must admit it's gotten me down a little. I hate seeing my friends go.

I saw Fugazi two nights ago. They make me feel foolish for even trying to have a band. If the Dirty Version were one fourth as good as Fugazi I would be deliriously pleased with myself.

Grace is walking around now. I got to see her for an hour yesterday. I can't begin to describe how adorable she is. I'll try to post one or two pictures. I hope you guys don't find this totally boring.

Did anyone else fall asleep watching the Oscars last night?

I'm off to Dallas for the weekend for family visiting (my sister's in from New York). I look forward to a change of scene - even if it is only Dallas. I also need to clean up a bunch of PVC pipe for a plumbing photo shoot next week. And cover paint cans in silver tape so you can't read the labels. (my trunk really shows the bounty from my Home Depot work projects).
Have a great weekend everyone - happy traveling, basketball watching, Oscar watching, etc.

I do this every year. I probably shouldn't this year, since I've seen like zero movies. But here goes. Thank you for indulging me.

Performance by an actor in a leading role

Russell Crowe in "A Beautiful Mind" (Universal and DreamWorks)
Sean Penn in "I Am Sam" (New Line)
Will Smith in "Ali" (Sony Pictures Releasing)
Denzel Washington in "Training Day" (Warner Bros.)
Tom Wilkinson in "In the Bedroom" (Miramax)

I am so underwhelmed by this catagory. Who cares? Will Smith does a very nice job in Ali, but I figure Crowe will win. Yawn.

Performance by an actor in a supporting role
Jim Broadbent in "Iris" (Miramax)
Ethan Hawke in "Training Day" (Warner Bros.)
Ben Kingsley in "Sexy Beast" (Fox Searchlight)
Ian McKellen in "The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring" (New Line)
Jon Voight in "Ali" (Sony Pictures Releasing)

Ben Kingsley deserves this more than the others, no question. But, I bet Sir Ian will take it. I can live with that I guess.

Performance by an actress in a leading role
Halle Berry in "Monster's Ball" (Lions Gate)
Judi Dench in "Iris" (Miramax)
Nicole Kidman in "Moulin Rouge" (20th Century Fox)
Sissy Spacek in "In the Bedroom" (Miramax)
Renée Zellweger in "Bridget Jones's Diary" (Miramax/Universal/StudioCanal)

From what I hear Halle Berry deserves this, but I haven't seen a single one of these films. I hope Halle Berry wins, I guess. Black actresses deserve more recognition.

Performance by an actress in a supporting role
Jennifer Connelly in "A Beautiful Mind" (Universal and DreamWorks)
Helen Mirren in "Gosford Park" (USA Films)
Maggie Smith in "Gosford Park" (USA Films)
Marisa Tomei in "In the Bedroom" (Miramax)
Kate Winslet in "Iris" (Miramax)

Here's the crazy catagory. This one is completely unpredictable every single year. I hope Marisa Tomei wins, cause she's a really great actress who was treated horribly when she won before.

Best animated feature film of the year
JIMMY NEUTRON: BOY GENIUS Nominee to be determined (Paramount and Nickelodeon Movies)
MONSTERS, INC. (Buena Vista) Nominee to be determined
SHREK (DreamWorks) Aron Warner

This catagory is stupid. Shrek.

Achievement in directing
A BEAUTIFUL MIND (Universal and DreamWorks)
Ron Howard
BLACK HAWK DOWN (Sony Pictures Releasing)
Ridley Scott
GOSFORD PARK (USA Films)
Robert Altman
THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING (New Line)
Peter Jackson
MULHOLLAND DRIVE (Universal and StudioCanal)
David Lynch

I've only seen two of these films. I'm so unqualified to predict this year. Ron Howard and Ridley Scott are both really mediocre directors that are way hot for some reason. Shit on those guys. Lynch is way overrated. Altman is a genius and Gosford Park is amazing. But, I'd have to go for Peter Jackson, if I was betting.

Screenplay based on material previously produced or published

A BEAUTIFUL MIND (Universal and DreamWorks)
Written by Akiva Goldsman
GHOST WORLD (United Artists through MGM)
Written by Daniel Clowes & Terry Zwigoff
IN THE BEDROOM (Miramax)
Screenplay by Rob Festinger and Todd Field
THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING (New Line)
Screenplay by Fran Walsh, Philippa Boyens, Peter Jackson
SHREK (DreamWorks)
Written by Ted Elliott & Terry Rossio and Joe Stillman and Roger S.H. Schulman

The LOTR screenplay is quite an amazing thing, but, dudes, we all know Ghost World should win. It should have been nominated for best picture, too. Academy voters are sheep.

Screenplay written directly for the screen
AMÉLIE (Miramax Zoë)
Screenplay by Guillaume Laurant and Jean-Pierre Jeunet
Dialogue by Guillaume Laurant
GOSFORD PARK (USA Films)
Written by Julian Fellowes
MEMENTO (Newmarket Films)
Screenplay by Christopher Nolan
Story by Jonathan Nolan
MONSTER'S BALL (Lions Gate)
Written by Milo Addica & Will Rokos
THE ROYAL TENENBAUMS (Buena Vista)
Written by Wes Anderson & Owen Wilson

Memento, of course. No question.

Best motion picture of the year
A BEAUTIFUL MIND (Universal and DreamWorks)
A Universal Pictures and Imagine Entertainment Production
Brian Grazer and Ron Howard, Producers
GOSFORD PARK (USA Films)
A Sandcastle 5 in association with Chicagofilms and Medusa Film Production
Robert Altman, Bob Balaban and David Levy, Producers
IN THE BEDROOM (Miramax)
A Good Machine/GreeneStreet Production
Graham Leader, Ross Katz and Todd Field, Producers
THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING (New Line)
A New Line Cinema and Wingnut Films Production
Nominees to be determined
MOULIN ROUGE (20th Century Fox)
A 20th Century Fox Production
Martin Brown, Baz Luhrmann and Fred Baron, Producers

It seems the odds favor A Beautiful Mind. I haven't seen it, but it sounds like a really safe choice for Oscar voters. I just don't like Ron Howard's films (except Apollo 13---I liked that one). A win for Gosford Park would make my day, but I honestly feel like Lord of the Rings has a chance. I pick it.

Angie, YOU are fucking cool.

Upma - the last doc. I saw, Journeys with George, so charming. I highly recommend it.
And now, SXSW is over. Friday I went and saw free music outside - it was sort of a Twangfest. Lots of rockabilly, and beautiful weather to boot. Saturday I went to see some more free bands outside. Kaito and +/-. Nothing earthshaking. So hopefully this week will be low key in comparison. Tonight I'm making veggie corn chowder and vegging out.

Upma is here. We got cable. I bought groceries. Things are looking ok.

So did I tell you guys that one of the researchers on my project gave his two weeks? I'm happy for him (he'll be doing freelance photography now) but a bit freaked about the impending increased workload.
So this weekend, so so much stuff going on. I'm going to try and see Journey's With George tonight and then go to a lot of free music tomorrow. My friend's recording studio (Porchlight) is having kegs/bands/etc. all day tomorrow and Dressy Bessy and Magnapop are playing an in-store that I may go to. So many possibilities.
Upma - thanks for the email. I wish you were here - though your head would be spinning from all the stuff going on.
Shell - how was the fashion show?
Angie - I am so Louisiana homesick right now, trying to figure out my next trip home.

It's Pi Day at work (3/14) at 1:59 pm we had our fill - I ate a kiwi pie (but there was pizza, apple, rhubarb and so on). Did I mention I'm working on a Math book?

Shell - good luck with the fashion show tonight.

So I think I've been to nine films so far for SXSW. Nine. And really liked about seven of them. Ted is total John Sayles fanboy so besides Return of the Seacaucus 7, Brother from Another Planet and Matewan - with him introducing each one, we managed to see a few more recent films. I was "sick" yesterday at work, saw three movies. One was The Search for John Gissing last night - very funny movie with Alan Rickman and Janeane Garofolo. And mishaps all in London. I also really liked a documentary called Home Movie by the guy who did American Movie about different odd living situations people have (one guy in Lousiana on a houseboat made me so homesick for my state) - another couple redid their house to outfit for their 11 cats. People are so funny. I think this was my favorite of the fest so far. Also saw Garmento - about the fashion industry - kind of lame, bad acting, but they gave away free men's briefs with padded crotch (it relates to the movie) - more screenings should do that.
I think tonight is a night off - going to yoga instead and am inspired to make curried pumpkin soup (I'm on a Central Market going/fancy food making kick after reading Kitchen Confidential ). I think the rest of the week we may only go see one more movie (Journeys with George - all about being in the press pool during G. W.'s campaign) - and try and see some music interspered. There's a Bloodshot night I may try and get into even though I am wristbandless.

hey, my house is getting cable this weekend. Neat!

Like we're all going to die gas. Benji had the heating oil refilled.

Our house smells like gas.

i can't figure out how to do anything but register at ESPN.com.

Upma (this is for you) - 5 movies I saw this weekend:
By Hook or By Crook - already mentioned how much I didn't enjoy this
Inertia - Canadian love quadrangle - charming, realistic complex characters, unlucky in love, all in Winnipeg
Miss America documentary - you might have seen this on PBS a few weeks ago, lighthearted and fun, lots of groan worthy moments "I think a woman's place is in the home, Burt"
The Return of the Seacaucus 7" - another John Sayles' flic - Big Chill but more hippie, beautiful location, sort of like Short Cuts - lots of diffferent sequences of couples
Brother from Another Planet - John Sayles (who's been introducing all these flicks with his producer, Maggie something or other) - very enjoyable, great acting (the lead is never allowed to speak - he is an alien after all) - very Men in Black, but so good
Tonight is Matewan (last of the John Sayles series). Other plans for the week: Spellbound - doc. on spelling bees; Home Movie - by Chris Smith - the guy who did American Movie; Journeys with George (our prez) - a doc. about his campaign.
I am loving being a film going geek. Already I've run into my yoga instructor, old hair dresser, random college friends (one who just did the wardrobe for Spy Kids 2) at these things.
Shelly - sorry I got off the phone so abruptly on Sunday - here's a proper goodbye: it was great talking to you, I'll strive to be more salon-like in the future. Good luck with the fashion show.

I'll change the color again in a couple of days.

Upma - thank you! I can't wait - Ted and I were all "circle" no that's a "circle star" all over the movie schedule. Tonight he's seeing a John Sayles movie "Lianna" while I'm at work then we're meeting up for "By Hook or by Crook" described as a film by lesbians about lesbians in the recommended section. Tomorrow, it's some doc. shorts and then who knows. I'll keep you posted.

i can't figure out how to find ya'll on literati.

Angie - your job is so cool.
Mike - I am loving Kitchen Confidential. I've actually already read A Cook's Tour - and kind of like it better.

Weezie - did I tell you that I'm reading Motherless Brooklyn right now as well? I'm really enjoying it - though I'm noticing all my tics more - how I do things in a certain pattern and routine every morning - pretty much everyone in my book club is now convinced that they have a mild form of Tourettes. I expect to finish the book in the next day or so. Though I was just lent Kitchen Confidential (Mike - have you read this?) and want to dig my paws into that.

I read the Truman bio back in the grand days of the Terrace Theatres. I have really nice memories of sitting in the lobby after closing and reading until all the people were out. As I recall, the book is very good. But, I could be mistaking nostalgia for the job with goodwill for the book.

I, too, am a Literati addict.

According to Tenacious D:

Dio has rocked for a long long time.

Now it's time for him to pass the torch. He has songs of wildebeests and angels. He has soared on the wings of a demon.

It's time to pass the torch, you're too old to rock. No more rocking for you. We're taking you to a home But we will sing a song about you. And you will make sure that you're very well taken care of. You'll tell us secrets that you've learned. Woah! Y

our sauce will mix with ours. And we'll make a good goulash baby. Dio! Time to go. You must give your cape and scepter to me! and a smaller one for KG.

Oh Oh Dio Dio.

I'm jigga-jonesing for a game of Scrabble. Any lame asses going to be around later tonight? I should be.

Mike-O how I love Dio. Sabbath Dio is so fine, Dio Dio rocks hard all the time, but the newest love is the finest you see. Rainbow's Dio rocks on endlessly.

Saw Denali at Gate City Noise. They are spectacularly hot people. Good lord, Maura makes my eyes hurt she's so hot. Keely and Jonathan set things on fire just by brushing past them. How do people that attractive function in everyday society?

Then I saw another band at Charlie's house. They were ok.

This is all my life consists of. Bands, books, dvds. Sleep.

It rained all day long.

We watched Superman. Rita made cookies. Evan and I went to see Super Troopers for the second time each. ("Bear-fucker, do you need assistance?")

Listening to various Ronnie James Dio bands. Rainbow, Black Sabbath, Dio.

Upma - I need your help. I'm getting a SXSW film pass for the first time this year. Any advice on things to see?